Yes, what prompted me to start this thread is an online dating situation ( ), but I’m also interested in “real life” answers. It’s nearly impossible to do a meaningful search for recent similar threads, and I don’t remember seeing one lately, but advance apologies if I’m beating a too-recently-dead horse.
So, I just sent a message to a guy on Match.com who caught my eye. I’m definitely not new at, or shy about, being the one to send the first message, but for some reason this got me thinking: what do guys really think of women who approach them first? I’ve done so in real life, too, though not nearly as often as I do when I’m in online dating mode.
To disclaim just a little, I’m someone who firmly believes that there is no true statement that can start with the words “Most men…” (well, except maybe if it finishes with “have a penis”). I’m not out for generalizations, I’d like the opinions of the straight men here who have been approached by women (either online or IRL) in the past. (Sampiro, matt_mcl, SolGrundy, et al: I love you guys, but your reactions to women just ain’t what I’m lookin’ for. ;))
So, my approachable straight male co-Dopers, whaddya think? Once you get over the shock, are you usually flattered? Does it tend to affect your opinion of the woman at all, regardless of whether you find her attractive/interesting?
I have had this happen to me 2-4 times in my life, I enjoyed it each time. I see nothing wrong with it, and I prefer it since it makes things alot easier for me, I don’t have to filter out tons of women who aren’t into me to find the ones who are when women do this.
I am not a straight man either, but I just want to take a moment to express my admiration of bold women like Misnomer and FilmGeek. You inspire me. I am a wuss in first-move social interaction, but it’s cool, seeing it done, and fellows seem to like it. A lot.
I like it. I’m a bit shy about talking to women I don’t know, so I definately see them approaching me as a good thing. Besides, if they approached me I can be much more certain that they are interested instead of having to second guess myself.
Before I came out as bisexual, I always thought to myself, “If I ever date a guy, it’s going to be because he made the first move. I’m going to take advantage of the fact that there aren’t any antiquated gender expectations and let the other guy sweat about being rejected.”
Inside of a week of coming out, I asked SolGrundy out. So much for that plan. The really annoying part? When I asked him, the first thing he said was, “I was about to ask you the same thing!” If I’d just waited a couple more days… Ah, well. Can’t really complain, considering how well things worked out.
So, anyway, to get back to the OP, this half-straight guy is all in favor of women making the first move.
I am a straight guy, have been with a few girls, and they generally took the first step. Me taking the first step has definitely been the exception, and when it comes to sex or even kissing, I’ve never taken the first step. Fortunately it doesn’t seem to have restricted my love life too much.
Smeghead stole my line. Word for word. 'Cept I wasn’t going to add that second part.
So, to reiterate: it’d be freaking awesome. Or rather, speaking as one to whom it has happened on two occasions: it is freaking awesome. This, despite the fact that one of them was an ex-crack whore who was interested in little more than trying to jump me. I still considered it a compliment, even as I reclothed her and ushered her out the door (don’t ask how she got in; long story). The second occasion turned out somewhat better; I posted a thread about it in MPSIMS a while back.
Going both by my own experiences and my observations, I can say with much conviction that, as a woman, not only will making the first move not harm your chances of getting what (whom) you’re after, but will quite likely improve them, and significantly so. In fact, a man who would otherwise take little notice of you might just be persuaded by your boldness into an active interest.
It’s been said before, but I genuinely believe that most of you ladies don’t realize exactly how much power lies – often dormant – in your hands, where this sort of thing is concerned.
For the record, I’m a guy. A guy with a knack for misleading phraseology, but a guy nonetheless. I trust you all know what I meant by the “personal experiences” part.
Just thought I’d head off any confusion and/or wiseacres.
Hetero female here, sorry. I made the first move on the guy who’s now my husband. Apparently I scared the hell out of him (he was less experienced than I and rather shy to start), but that very rapidly was forgotten.
Well, I wasn’t going to say anything, but it would have put your unique guy perspective in a whole new light, to say the least.
This is the kind of thing I need to hear. Er, read. Before I put myself out there and say something possibly embarrassing, I need to know it won’t be laughed at, at the very least.
When I was in middle school, a female bully used to mildly pick on me. I seem to recall being bemused by the oddness of it all. Nowaday, looking back, I think it is pretty cool. Nowadays, should such a thing happen, I would love it.
What the hell? I thought I was supposed to be the sassy but unthreatening friend you took to weddings and spent the night swapping celebrity gossip with and sharing styling tips until one night while crying over a bad date you look at me over the shared tub of Hagen Dazs and say, “I love you if only you just weren’t…” and then our eyes meet like we’re seeing each other for the first time and then BAM! I’m rolling in tail.
This sucks. Ah well, at least I finally made it into the SDMB Gay Triumvirate.
), but I’m also interested in “real life” answers. It’s nearly impossible to do a meaningful search for recent similar threads, and I don’t remember seeing one lately, but advance apologies if I’m beating a too-recently-dead horse. 
