I don’t know…that sandpaper tongue… :eek:
So you’re left with “I was wondering, are you going to ask me out or are you gay or something?” :dubious: How arrogant – and ever so slightly bigoted, in a way I can’t quite put my finger on.
I think that a better* line would be “I was wondering, are you going to ask me out or are you seeing someone or something?”
I don’t think that most women are expecting you to “promise” anything just because they ask you out. 
What do you mean by “didn’t like that?” Was it her approach? The fact that you weren’t interested in her?
I try to fit the approach to the guy/situation. I also tend to be very casual when I approach someone, because I want it to be as easy as possible for him to say “no, thanks” if he’s not interested – and I want it to be as easy as possible to hear, too!
One time, I was out with friends at Whitlow’s on Wilson and a guy was there who just really did it for me. For no rhyme or reason other than pure chemistry, I found myself willing to consider taking him home (which almost never happens to me). We did a tiny bit of dance-floor flirting, and toward the end of the night I finally approached him: “Hi, my name is Jenny, and I just want to tell you that I think you’re incredibly cute.” (Lame, I know. :)) But he smiled back, shook my hand, told me his name, and returned the compliment – unfortunately, it turned out that he was “with” the woman I’d seen him dancing with, so things never got beyond the introduction. But I felt good about having taken the chance, and I felt like I hadn’t put him in any kind of awkward position: he didn’t have to actually turn me down, he just had to decide how friendly to be.
Another time, I was on a committee at work that was deciding the company health benefits for the upcoming year. Two consultants were brought in, and the entire group met weekly for almost three months. By the end of those three months I had a crush on one of the consultants. The last time I saw him in the office he was getting on the same elevator that I was getting off, and when we shook hands in greeting there was one of those hold-on-for-a-little-longer-than-necessary moments. I was encouraged, and was interested in a completely different kind of relationship than I was with the guy from Whitlow’s, so this time I sent him an e-mail asking if he’d be interested in meeting for coffee or lunch sometime. He replied that he was flattered, but that he’d just started seeing someone. Now, I have no idea whether he was telling the truth, but if I had to be rejected that was a nice way to do it. 
(And the cool thing is that when I saw him around the office again about 6 months later, there was no awkwardness.)
Hmm, telling both of these stories has made me realize that I never approach anyone completely “cold” – that is, I have to feel like there has been at least some flirting/encouragement on his part. Harimad-sol, perhaps I’m not as bold as you think!
*This post should not be interpreted as an endorsement of pick-up lines. I hate pick-up lines. But, if a guy is going to use a pick-up line anyway, there’s no reason to be any more offensive than necessary.
Just so you know, that line neither originated with me, nor would it be said to me. I have no doubt that AHunter meant it as a joke.
However, if one of my female aquaintances asked me that I would take it as a challenge and attempt to prove my not-gayness for our mutual pleasure. So in that sense it could work out for a lady that I have met and is only looking for a one night stand.
Um…all these positive answers. I’ve asked three guys out in my entire life, and here is the breakdown:
The first one, I know to this day we had chemistry and he got frightened by my asking. He ran, and I lost a potentially good relationship.
The second guy, said “No”. Just flat-out. When I asked a mutual friend, they said he hated that sort of thing.
The third guy? Well, I’m not going into detail but at that one did work out and we took what we wanted from each other. And a good time was had by all.
So…33 %? I get the idea guys are skittish and startled easily. I don’t think most of them would hate such a thing, but it does scare them a bit.
33% isn’t really bad, i’m 0/20 for the women i’ve asked out in the last year. Of the women who have approached me one I was not interested in but I am still friends with her. her approaching me wasn’t bothersome, but she was obsessive over me and married which bothered me.
Another woman who approached me, this was during a time of personal change in my life. I wasnt really ready to form a relationship with a woman because I had come to the conclustion that I somehow or another craved mistreatment at that point in my life, so I decided not to follow up on that for fear it’d lead to something bad. Not her fault, and she was actually quite attractive.
Another woman, I didn’t know she was asking me out.
there may have been others who have asked me out, I do not know.
Althought I love you guys at the SDMB, you’ve got to admit, the population of shy, neurotic guys desperate for love is a bit higher than what we’ll find in real life.
I’m a pretty confident guy who usually makes the first move. I’d consider myself desirable (thought obviously not to everyone), and am not nervous around the wimmin in the slighest.
That said, I prefer a woman with the cajones to ask me out. All those dating magazines out there aren’t lying to you; confidence is sexy, through and through.
I’m not particularly shy, but I generally assume that women don’t want to be pawed at and propositioned all the time. Therefore I figure that unless I get a pretty unmistakeable sign that a come on would be appreciated, I assume that it’s not. Consequently I don’t mind a first move, it clears things up a lot. That said, women can be just as creepy about making a move as men can… only when women do it, it’s more of a novelty.
My girlfriend walked up to me at a party, squeezed my ass and kept walking. That was three years ago.
Umm, let’s ask the women reading this thread. Those of you who would, if you found a guy appropriately cute and droolworthy and he asked you correctly, cheerfully toddle off to bed with him: what would be your reaction if the same guy came up to you and said:
a) Yo, gal, I don’t see any reason to waste time. I got a room upstairs, let’s go up and you can suck my dick;
b) So, what’s happening, babe? You gonna make a pass at me tonight, or are you a dyke or something?
c) [in nonromantic midconversation]: Hey, incidentally, I’ll let you do anything you want to me.
If any or all of the above constitute “asking correctly”, feel free to say so, but, if not, maybe you could help me explain to Snake Legs how and why such propositions are somewhat short of enticing?
First one: I would think he was a major creep.
Second one: I’d be annoyed at his arrogance and ego.
Third one: Depending on the tone it’s said in. If it was said in a joking sort of tone I’d probably think it was kind of charming. But I might not know what to make of it if it was said seriously. I might say something like, “Anything? Would you…paint my house?” thus making a joke of it.
Incidentally, I did have one guy come straight out and, when asked “What are you thinking?”, said “I’m thinking I want to have sex with you.” I suppose I have to tell whether or not he succeeded, as this is part of the discussion. So…
He did. 
For the record, the only guy I ever really directly approached IRL received my addresses favorably. Now that would make anyone feel pretty happy. It didn’t come to anything particular, but it was fun while it lasted. I think part of the problem is that I’m taking it too seriously.
Of those choices, (c) is the only one I might receive favorably, and then I’d have to make some smartass remark in reply, while perhaps putting a hand on his arm or something of that sort. Both (a) and (b) would not go over well with me. They are creepy and arrogant, as Anaamika states.
Heh. Perhaps, but you’re still doing much better than I am. You don’t even want to know the number of times I’ve been told (when it’s too late to do anything about it) that someone has wanted to, or tried to, approach me and hasn’t done so because of fear of me shutting him down cold. In all but one of the instances, what I was really doing, behind my cold candy shell, was trying to get my courage up to say something. At least you’ve managed to get the approach down.
So true. I’m positive that I remember awkwardly rejecting someone long after they’ve forgotten.
I almost feel like I should wear a sign saying “Warning! No people skills!”. I feel sorry for anyone who gets the foolish idea to pursue me.
The only girl who ever succeeded had to steal my math book and actually tackle me to the floor during class as I tried to get it back.
“Woo-hoo!” is what I would think.
My sacred oath, woman, if I’d had a success rate of one in three I’d have had a T-shirt printed bragging about the fact!
For me, I think the answer would have depended on whether I did, in fact, want to fuck. (I did once turn down a woman in a bar who asked “Would you like to make love to me?” but this was a pre-Christmas drinks session, she was married and had been tongue-wrestling not only me but a bunch of other guys, she was very well lubricated and not in the sexual sense (tho’ she may have been, how would I know?), and I suspected she would regret it afterwards. And as I was nineteen and horny with it at the time, I think I deserve some kind of pat on the back.) If Karen had been at least acceptably hot - and my expectations have never been hugely high - I’d have been there like a shot. Mind you, my initial reaction would have been tinged with some caution lest she were taking the piss. In my experience, that was much likelier than a hot girl being overwhelmed with lust for me (or just feeling like a shag and graciously picking me to do it). But I’d still have looked for a way to say yes without committing myself to too much embarrassment if the offer wasn’t on the level.
Like most men I suspect, I believe that women are highly favoured in being able to get away with going up to men and saying “Hi, I’m {name}. Wanna Fuck?” without getting slapped, kneed in the fork, or arrested. They may not get what they want every time, but I expect they’re not overtly punished for trying.
Oh, and ditto on the demographic comment: the Dope is doubtless biased towards the shy, nerdy guys pathetically eager for any non-hideous female to notice them.
I think you’re missing something here. You switched the target. A guy who propositions a gal in that way is likely to get slapped. A girl who propositions a guy in that way is likely to be successful in her pursuit.
Don’t switch the paradigm on me and make me look the fool. I have a firm opinion that men and women are completely different with regards to the “crude proposition” manuver.
My comment was directed to the feeling that seems to be prevalant that all guys will JUMP at the chance to be asked out, whereupon girls can afford to be more picky since it’s almost always in the guys’ realm. I wish more guys would jump at it - I usually would rather just cut to the chase then try to read signals.
Guys are skittish! At least the kind of guys I like.
m’kay. So let’s back up to “Far more guys will give you a positive response than if the genders were reversed, and damn few will mind being asked”. Ain’t it enough to have the cards stacked in your favour, or do you have to have a guarantee of holding the winning hand?
Signals… heh. I’m convinced I’m borderline Aspie at the very least. I don’t know if I was never getting signals beamed at me, or my receiver was broken. It’s a minor miracle that I ever got married.
Sounds to me like you didn’t do too badly.
A lot of women say that they avoid making the first move because it makes them feel vulnerable, or because they’re afraid of being rejected. Well guess what, ladies? Now you know how a lot of men feel!
No, no, I meant only to sleep with, duh. Sometimes I meant “to sleep with and then to invite you to a party where he ends up fucking somebody else upstairs while I stand around not knowing anybody in the kitchen”. IOW, being aggressive has on occaision seemed to put me out of the relationship game and into the mistress one, only without the fur coats and jewelry. Whereas I was under the impression that we were all adults here and a modern woman could admit to enjoying sex and still be a worthy companion that you’d be seen with outside, in public even.
Oh, that was a response to Nametag’s condescending post where he misspells my name - I forgot to check the little quote box.