Look, this question puzzles me. Any guy that goes out very much is going to continuously be running into women that indicate some interest. There can be many reasons why you don’t return that interest. I’d guess I’ve “backed off” as you termed it, dozens, if not hundreds. Look around a little bit. The women are there.
Reasons for not wanting to get involved can range from situations like impunha mentioned above to you’re already in a relationship to just plain not liking the way she looks or acts. Women are selective for the same reasons, so they also “back off” frequently. Backing off is in no way uncommon, for men or women.
As an aside, in all the ramblin’ around I’ve done (and I’ve done some) only once has a female walked up to me with the direct proposition.
She was only very slightly tipsy. She walked right up and asked,“Hey boy, can you screw good?”
I wouldn’t have selected her out of the crowd, but whatcha’ gonna’ do? I was 18, we were on the beach, and it was spring break for the colleges. So yeah, I went ahead with it. Turned out she wasn’t a bad sort at all, a very likable person actually. We hung around together the rest of the week, until she went back to school. So it can happen, but only once in a blue moon.
I just had the scariest of experience of my life asking some guy out a month or so ago. I’m not exactly shy, but I have little experience making first moves. So anyway, I’m in choir and this one’s in band, he was really cute in a hot sort of way, and I figured I had nothing to lose. So one time, in the hallway of our dorm (he lives above me), after we’d chatted for a couple minutes, I screwed up my confidence and said something like, “so, maybe you’d like to have coffee with me sometime…”
…
DEAD SILENCE
His jaw like, dropped, and he just stared at me. Seconds went by. I waited much longer than I should have, for a response, for ANYTHING, but nothing. Nothing. In that time span, countless civilizations began, flourished, and passed out of existence. Babies were born and died of old age. I eventually got figity and mumbled something about, “ok, well, I have to get to rehearsal now, I’ll see you later” and FLED. It was HORRIBLE.
A day or so later he found me and said something about it not being the right time in his life or some such malarky, but still. The sheer inadequacy I felt standing in the hallway while he stared at me like some creature from outer space puts me off when I consider making moves on other guys.
Like John Carter of Mars, I don’t think that I get this question (even though I’m not in the target demographic). I’d hate to think that anyone I approached might say “yes” just because I approached him … know what I mean?
Ageist.
Don’t be put off! The only way to get more comfortable about approaching guys – and the only way to learn how to gracefully handle dorky reactions – is to keep doing it. (Also, it’s quite possible that you’re the first woman to ever approach band guy; if true, it doesn’t excuse his tactless response, but might go a little way toward explaining it.)
I’m not quite sure how to say this next part coherently – and without offending college students – but here goes: the experiences you have in college, and the ways that college guys react/respond to things, hardly ever map to the way things will be even 5 years after you graduate. There are exceptions, of course, but, generally speaking, men are kinda weird when they’re in college (especially when they’re living on campus): still a little immature, still a little unsure with women, etc. Women have similar issues, to be sure, but something I wish I’d known about men back when I was an undergrad is that they get better. Much, much better. So even if your social life while you’re in school is “meh,” please don’t take those experiences to mean that you can’t or won’t be more successful once you’re out. Think of college as “practice” time – band guy was just one rehearsal, hopefully of many. You’re a singer, so you know the value of practicing!
That sucks, welcome to the club though. I remember when I was new to approaching women and I said something like “I remember you we talked a few weeks ago” and she has this confused, cornered look on her face. Her friend goes intot he bathroom (which was conviently nearby) and she follows her in. God it sucks to feel that way. Another bad experience was when I didn’t pick up on signs well and I asked some woman out. She thought about it for about 10-15 seconds (I thought she was actually thinking about it, she was trying to think of a believable excuse) before she said sure. Its a terrible feeling to feel like you cornered someone into a situation they don’t want to be in and those 2 experiences are largely why I do not approach women anymore.
So even if your social life while you’re in school is “meh,” please don’t take those experiences to mean that you can’t or won’t be more successful once you’re out. Think of college as “practice” time – band guy was just one rehearsal, hopefully of many. You’re a singer, so you know the value of practicing! 