In American society, I think both sexes tend to be lenient about men’s looks (except perhaps for judging men harshly on height - I’ve always felt that short men are treated just as badly as fat women are in American society). It is far more common for ugly men to end up with hot women than it is for ugly women to end up dating hot men. After all, traditionally a woman’s main concern was to find a guy who can be “a good provider” (and preferably tall/strong too) rather than some cute male bimbo. However, I would speculate the beauty standard for men is becoming more rigorous now that most women have careers where they can support themselves. We modern women now have the luxury of being able to value prettiness over security in a mate.
That being said, I guess these are some of my criteria for men:
Poor hygiene is definitely a turn off. A thorough shower every day and some deoderant is pretty much all I ask for. I’m not picky about cologne.
Like most women (I think), most of what appeals to me about a guy depends on his face. There is NO male equivalent to a “Butterface”, if you ask me. If you have a hot body but an ugly face, dude, I hope you’re either rich or have one great sense of humor.
Interestingly, I tend to PREFER men with large or “beakish” noses. Not sure why, but it often makes a man seem cuter to me than if he had a normal nose. Maybe it adds “character”.
A big amen to “unibrows” being ugly! For some guys, just simply having their eyebrows shaped a bit would make all the difference between being perceived as icky vs. cute.
I also agree that bad haircuts are a big turn-off. I love guys with pretty hair.
For some reason, I don’t mind NATURAL baldness, but I am bothered by shaved heads. Some guys can look hot IN SPITE of “buzz cuts” or shaved heads…but to me it never helps a guy who isn’t otherwise attractive look any better. I really prefer shaggy, medium-length hair (slightly longer than the typical length for guys without being so long that the guy gets mistaken for a chick). Pretty hair can easily add 2 or 3 points to a guy’s score on the 1-to10 scale of hotness.
In body weight terms, I prefer a man who is on the “high side of average” up to, oh, probably about 50 pounds overweight. Skinny guys seem fragile, and like they might have too many sharp edges. Morbidly obese guys make me feel worried about their health. However, a little bit of cuddliness is nice.
And now I’ll add the obvious disclaimer:
A man with a great personality who isn’t quite my “ideal” is ultimately a lot better than some pretty jerk, and truly mature people can appreciate the beauty everyone has even if it’s not the kind of beauty that incites immediate lust.
You know that phrase “rugged good looks”? To me that’s keyword for looks I’m going to find unappealing. Mostly it seems to mean roughly chiseled from stone. Very roughly.
As for weight, morbid obesity is obviously not a turn on, but most men seem to look better a bit overweight than underweight. I’d much rather a guy look like Kevin Smith did in Clerks and Mallrats than be skin and bones.
Nose hair. Wobbly body: I like large but dislike fat. Body hair doesn’t faze me one way or another. Being mediterranean, I find Northern no-noses funny. Of course lack of hygiene. Biten nails.
Frankly, my list of things I find repulsive is a lot shorter than my list of things I find attractive. For example, I prefer men in a certain height range, but wouldn’t say “hell no” based on height alone. I have said “sorry not interested” based on him weighing about twice as much as he should have.
Yeah well, you have to take whole body size and shape into consideration. To me it’s not about what the BMI says, the questions is: is it muscle or does it wobble?
I like weak chins and unibrows, as long as they don’t mind my weak chin and unibrow.
Okay, so I don’t have a unibrow. But I was born with a weak chin, that’s hard to make go away. The surgery risks were too high, very expensive, and vain, to boot. I’m glad for my husband, who thinks my weak chin is “cute”.
The only thing I find ugly in men are the same things olivesmarch4th mentioned: Stupidity, meanness, and arrogance.
Physically, however, nothing much matters, except cleanliness. I’ve dated uncleanly. It was… awakening.
I’m bi, and my criteria are the same for women. I don’t think I’m easier on one sex more than the other, though I may be more empathic towards my own sex on certain issues.
I tend to find body piercings yucky. A friend of an ex used to twiddle his nipple ring the whole time and it made me want to scream… it was like those horror scenes in movies, that you wish you could just skip them or something but you just have to watch… it made my nipples hurt.
You know that guy, the lead singer of “The Barenaked Ladies”? Steven Page - Wikipedia
This is a perfectly attractive man to me. I don’t consider that excessive. I’ve been attracted to more than one guy with his build. (I’m not some crazy BNL fangirl, either–this is just an example.)
As far as beyond this, I don’t really know. So much of my feelings about what make men attractive can be made completely moot by how I feel about his personality. I like the Steven Page type, but I also like the tall skinny gangly type–and my husband, the man I fell head over heels in love with, fits neither of these images. He is a short, extremely skinny, curly-haired Italian guy–pic here. I’m currently sporting a crush on my brilliant Spanish professor shown here.
So you see, it’s all completely relative.
Asked why I find # 1 attractive I will say, “He’s a confident and brilliant and funny performance artist.” #2: “He’s the most freaking amazing human being on the planet EVER.”
and # 3: “He’s an incredibly brilliant and sensitive and intelligent professor.”
Notice how “height, weight, shoulder-width” or any of that crap never came anywhere near my justification. Now, if I sit around and think about it, I’ll start noticing the clothes, or the hair, or the eyes, or the curve of the ear–whatever. It’s all secondary. So if you’re sitting here stressing out about this–don’t. The number one attractive thing about men is intelligence and I think it’s some law that Dopers have to be smart. So you guys have it in the bag… relax.
Most of the guys I date would be considered pretty ugly by most women. But I found them attractive in many other ways.
However, I cannot STAND un-groomed facial hair. Either grow a beard or don’t. I don’t want to be staring at some guy’s stubble - ever.
I’m also not a fan of beards. But once my boyfriend’s stubble turned into a neatly trimmed beard I was much happier than when he had the “I don’t shave because I don’t care” look.
I absolutely love Hugh Laurie but his stubble turns me the hell of. Ick.
Excessive body hair, that’s a real turn-off for me. I don’t like facial hair either, particularly the fad for “designer stubble” that is neither here nor there. I like him to be not so much “groomed” but to look like he’s at least made an effort.
'im indoors, however, currently looks like an unemployed scruffy contractor. Oh, wait, that’s because he is! Mind you, he’s had his suits cleaned and his shirts ironed ready for the new contract he start on Monday, so there’s hope.
Personality means a lot too - I wouldn’t date a guy who was arrogant, condescending or overbearing. I have ideas and opinions, and I expect them to be listened to and respected just as I would his ideas etc. Belittling me because you think you know better is going to get you nothing more than a verbal slap in the face.
For those who said they were turned off by back hair — why is it unattractive vs. chest hair? I’m wondering if this is something “taught” by movies, television, and advertising.
In my experience, quite a lot. Also it may have to do with some sort of imprinting. Similar to how I’m unable to consider sexually any man who looks too much like my father, or how an improptu, side-of-the-pool study done many years ago with my gf’s found suspicious correlations between “amount of hair on first guy ever smooched with, how good the smooching was and subsequent reaction to hair.”
I don’t have anything remotely resembling a “type”, and I find that there’s *something * attractive about almost everyone. An otherwise unremarkable looking person may have beautiful eyes, or a breathtaking smile, and as others have said, personality can make up for a great many physical imperfections.
Hygiene issues aside, the only thing I can think of that is an absolute dealbreaker for me physically is if a guy is smaller than me. I just can’t do it. And while I’m not a fan of out of control body hair, the opposite doesn’t do much for me either. I like my men generally man-like, a little burly and a little furry.
Things that I thought I didn’t like in a guy, I ended up with in my husband and still find him sexy - go figure! I thought I wanted a tall, thin, slim-build, blue-eyed, blond-haired, pale-skinned guy, no chest hair, definitely no back hair, and didn’t want to deal with stubble. Out of those, tall is the only one that matches.
That being said, the OP did ask -
Combovers if you’re going bald, or leaving a little wisp of hair up front that gets poofed out - for the love of god, everyone knows you’re losing your hair; you’re fooling no one. Stop it.
Unibrows. Come on, a few minutes with a tweezers and you remove something that’s really damned distracting and yucky. (Women, for the sake of completeness: Tweeze those stray mole hairs/chin hairs/bleach or remove the stache.) Skewing a bit older, and aimed at the older/more hirsute guys at my workplace - hair coming out of your ears or growing on the rim of your ear… ew! Ew ew ew ew.
Hair that is apparently retreating down your back - rooted hair not only extends down your neck somewhat, but continues smoothly from there and down into the back. Please, shave the back of your neck and far down enough that it doesn’t look like you have an undershirt of hair (especially poking out from under a shirt) if seen from behind.
I’ll also say that I’m not a big fan of lots of chest hair, either. Someone upthread mentioned wanting to be able to touch skin, and I agree with that being a nice thing.
Can’t speak for the others, 'course, but balding doesn’t bother me one way or the other. My husband is balding (bald on top, with the ‘fringe’ around the edges) but he keeps it trimmed short and neat these days and it looks “Patrick Stewart” elegant instead of “Bill Bailey” scruffy…which is MUCH more to my liking.
Bad Hair, on the other hand, is unattractive on anyone - male or female. It can be defined by any or all of the following:
[ul]
[li]Dirty. (ugh)[/li][li]Dandruff. (Sorry, I know it’s not ‘dirty’ hair, but it triggers that a similar response.)[/li][li]Balding guys who grow the remainder long. Please don’t; it looks horrible. (My husband used to do this before I met him. :smack: ) It doesn’t look good in a ponytail, and it doesn’t look good in a comb-over. It looks nice cut short.[/li][li]Hair that’s in poor condition. It doesn’t matter whether it’s grown long or short (except in the situation one dot-point above) but your hair should be strong and glossy. If it’s scraggy, dull, split-ends all over or otherwise poorly maintained, then for goodness’ sake, cut it off. [/li][/ul]
Man, I’d never have a chance with the Doper ladies in this thread. Apparently, I have too much body hair and not enough hair on my head. Luckily, Mrs. Maxx doesn’t mind and calls me her polar bear.
I have a very high (low?) bar for ‘ugly.’ Most people (male or female) look fine to me and I can find something attractive on just about anybody – nice hair, beautiful eyes, a great smile… Really, a person has to be actively gross for me to find him or her ugly. By ‘actively gross’ I mean hugely, sloppily fat or cadaverously thin; a really disfiguring skin condition; obviously filthy – things like that.
The one thing I find ugly about people isn’t a looks thing – it’s arrogance, and I mean a specific type of arragance. I mean that I’m-so-gorgeous-I-don’t-even-have-to-try-to-be-a-decent-person type of arrogance. That is ugly.
