I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old.
I try to be realistic about what their tolerances are and not to ask them to go beyond their limits. Not setting them up to fail goes a long way towards avoiding problems.
I try to keep a variety of distractions available to head off problems. I also carry snacks. A hungry child is a cranky child.
I also explain what I want from my daughter clearly and simply and I follow through on consequences for not listening. She wants to go to the store with me then she has x minutes to get her shoes on and get ready. I don’t hesitate to bring her home if she acts up either. She knows this and very rarely have I ever had to do so. Her warning is me counting backwards from 5 - 1. I hit one and we go home.
I rarely get past 3.
When my grandson was about six, I took him to the supermarket with me for a quick stop just to pick up a few things. All of a sudden I couldn’t find him, which scared me. When I finally caught up with him, I pinched him on the top of his shoulder–hard enough to really get his attention–in a way that I hope looked to others as if I was being affectionate, while telling him to never run off like that again. It worked. In subsequent trips to stores, he hasn’t left my side, unless it was arranged and understood.
I’d recommend it as well. Our only problem with it is that my stepdaughter’s mother does nothing to dicipline them, and it’s almost like starting over with 1-2-3 Magic everytime they are here.
Also, NEVER give in to whining or tantrums. If you do, guess what you have just taught your child? That whining/tantruming=getting what they want, guaranteeing that they will continue to whine and tantrum even more in the future.
I use guilt. I tell them if they misbehave, it’ll make their grandfather, whom they adore, have a heart attack and die, and it will be all their fault. Then I call my dad up and ask how he’s doing, loudly exclaiming over how he mentions his chest is hurting. After that I demand the oldest bring me the telephone book and start making calls to funeral homes, explaining how my father is dying.
wait, I don’t have kids.
Yup. I have a son who’s almost seven and a daughter who’s four. I get to 3 maybe twice a month. Then the miscreant gets sent to timeout with a sharp talking-to. I’ve never had to do anything more physical than taking someone by his arm firmly and marching him to his room.
My kids get quite dismayed if they make it to 2. They’ll say things like “We’ll be good, let us go back to ONE!”
My wife and I couple this with lots of positive reinforcement when they do a good job. I really think this is key. Even when they do something wrong we tend to emphasize that their misbehavior is an aberration by saying things like: “I hate to see you making trouble like this, you’re usually so sweet and well-behaved.”
We don’t do material rewards though. No bribes. Your reward for behaving nicely is the satisfaction of knowing that your parents are pleased with you.
Ditto on never giving in to whining or tantrums. We also make it quite clear that we will ignore all requests that are not delivered in a pleasant tone of voice accompanied by the world “please”. We don’t punish them for being rude … we just make it clear that it’s a counterproductive strategy for getting what you want.
If you’ve got to beat your kids to get them to behave, you’re doing it wrong. If you train 'em right you can keep them in line with a look.
When I first started working at a tutoring center, one of my concerns was the fact that there would be very young children about (we tutor K-8th grade) and also baby brothers/sister and I kind of dreaded having to put up with hearing crying/tamtrums throughout my shift.
When I actually started working, though, I was rather impressed at how well the parents kept their kids in line. True there is the odd baby/young child who starts screaming, but generally the parent works immediately to deal with the source of the problem . Kids that are out of control generally have parents who would be mortified to be the sudden center of attention (the center is small, so its not hard to find out who is making all the noise!) so they usually take the kid outside to calm down.