It sounds like you’re afraid of losing something, afraid of failure, too depressed to get started at anything, and you’re not properly grieving what you lost the moment the accident happened.
You said all you have is the truth, and if you let go if the truth, you’ll have absolutely nothing.
Yes, the accident and the disability helped manifest these feelings in you, but they’re all just feelings. Primarily of utter fear. The fear that if this does not happen for you, you will die. That’s common.
Let me repeat: Common. Clinging to something so hard because you’re afraid if you let go YOU WILL PERISH is utterly normal.
But it’s been eight years. You need to change something and save your life. Jump off the ledge, metaphorically. It could be as simple as changing the medications you take, or as profound as finding God, but it does not involve a lawsuit. You will never be the person you were before.
It’s putting the cart before the horse to figure out who you are now. Just let go of who you were before, and the rest will come to you.
I gave serious thought to doing that in college, to tell the truth. But it was in the paper age and I would have spent too much time printing, stuffing envelopes, and mailing. (My pamphlet would have been about how we are at the End Times as foretold by the Book of Revelation. I got to the outline stage, then got too busy at school to see it to completion.)
And the nice thing? It doesn’t even have to be good!
Yeah, the more I think of this, the more you may be right. I gave everything I had to my work, and in the end they all bailed on me and left me hanging out to dry. Then the system turned on me and I know in my heart that I am right, and yes I want validation. I think a simple you’re right and we are sorry would really go a long way.
That’s the crazy part though, the lack of money has been the hardest part of this whole thing, the root of my problems, more money would definitely makes things so much easier, yet it has always been the furthest thing from my mind.
Well said and pretty damn close to being right, I just have no idea how to make it happen.
Frankly, this 75% disability sounds like it’s hurting you more than it’s helping you. Because it’s just enough money to prevent you from accepting an entry level position in another field, yet not enough money to make you comfortable.
When my grandfather was burned over 50% of his body in a mine explosion, he had no choice but to find another line of work because he couldn’t mine anymore and there was no Workers’ Comp payments to fall back on. He eventually found work as a painter, which was far less lucrative than his former job, but it was something. For her part, granny moved north to work in a button factory, leaving her kids behind with her mother. That’s what they did to keep their kids fed and a roof over their head. Desperation is a great motivator, but ultimately the best thing because it forced them to adapt and move forward instead of getting stuck in the mire of their misery.
BTW, even if you can’t or won’t try to change careers, there’s absolutely nothing preventing you from volunteering somewhere. Smart people with too much idle time either end up in trouble or with mental disorders. I think you’re starting to edge towards obsession here, if you’re not there already, and you need to find a new outlet for your brain. Clearly it functions just fine, even if it’s not at pre-accident capacity.
Absolutely, you hit the nail on the head. And the worst part is that I have not even been afforded the opportunity to try, without losing my money. I asked and they said sure go ahead, but since my trust level is pretty low with those guys, I asked for it in writing and they said no way.
Oh yeah, ya think! I would be embarrassed to death, or afraid of the repercussions, to post some of the things that have went through my mind for the last eight years. I remember my friends dad calling me a chronic thinker back when I was 15, pretty sure he was right. lol
I’m so glad I could help! Even acknowledging your feelings just a little bit is a huge step. You’ve stuck with this thread all through the negativity, because you really are at your wit’s end.
Smaller steps:
Try meditation, or ask your psychoanalyst about ways to release anger and fear.
Find a support group for disabilities. You’re not the only one frustrated as hell that you can’t do basic things anymore like you used to. Which sucks, btw.
And take JohnT’s advice. You have got to have strident feelings about how life should go and how people should act. Start writing it down. Maybe it’ll lead to something.
Yes thanks. I almost lost it a few times with the negativity, but if I learned anything being on this board it’s that Hell hath no fury like a doper scorned!
I’ve tried meditation but i just fall asleep, The gym, hock and baseball help burn off some steam.
Not really my thing, way too many different issues going on at the same time, pretty depressing actually and I kind of feel bad for feeling better after talking to them.
I’ll touch on this one when I get back…gotta go for a bit.
I agree with a lot of what has been said here, but I’m going to be a little harsh. What I don’t see is you taking any resposibility for your own situation. This doesn’t mean the accident; I’m not saying that this was your fault, but not planning ahead when you were working.
While nobody anticipates having a career-ending injury, it does happen. You had LTD; but you should have known that it would be reduced by any WCB payments. You should also have known that there was a delay of 17 weeks before it kicked in and you should have had 17 weeks worth of savings to get you through that time. It seems that like many people, you bought a house you could not afford. Believe me, I am sympathetic. I lost my job 6 months after I bought my house. The difference was that I knew I didn’t have LTD coverage and I knew that it might take some time to get a new job. I lived in a small apartment for 13 years until I had saved enough to put 20% down on my house and had over a year of additional living expenses saved. When I lost my job I went through every cent of that money and more and I still struggle but I still have my home and I know that in the worst-case scenario I still have that equity and I could sell the house and have the money. My point is that you are blaming the company for unethical practices but not taking any responsibility yourself for failing to plan. The fact that you knew that you might have to return part of the LTD payments and were setting aside the money appropriately yet chose to spend part of it on Christmas by justifying it to yourself as a “loan” shows that you still did not understand living within your means.
Does your employer owe punitive damages? Perhaps. Let’s put that aside and look at what a reasonable jury would aware you for actual damages. The reasonable person will look at what you would have gotten had everything been done correctly, and award you the full WCB that you are currently getting. He would not award you your full salary since that is not what you would get had everything been done correctly. Next you need to look at punitive damages. At least in the US this is seen by some as a kind of a lottery. You might be able to sue and win big but it will cost you time and money. Usually if there is a good case and an easy settlement to be made a lawyer will take the case. Several lawyers have told you it is not worth the time and money to pursue your case. If the company is as powerful as you indicate then even if you win they can keep the case tied up in appeals for years or decades.
I would not presume to tell you what to do but you need to look at your situation. You can’t do your prior job. You live in a place where the only employment you can get is minimum wage. Maybe you need to move to an area with better employment prospects. Otherwise, you have to look at your overall situation, calculate what you are actually taking in (which is better than a whole lot of people who are disabled at work and have nothing coming in) and learn how to live on that. There are places that you can live on $30K yearly. I don’t know how many children you have but people do it all the time. Yes you may have to cut back but it is possible. Once you have adjusted to living on your current income, then you can see what extra time and funds are available to pursue a long-shot court case. You might also decide that any extra time and money are better spent doing things that you enjoy. That is your decision. But what you have to do now is let go of the past, and take stock of where you are now. You have an income and you can live on it if you need to.
Finally, traumatic brain injuries suck and I’m sorry you have one. Sometimes it’s harder to have a disability that is not as readility apparent as say a lost limb but can be just as devastating. However, there are jobs available where a lapse of concentratipn or memory will not necesssarily cause permanent damage. You just need to find something that fits your current abilities.
Yeah, I know, it’s always been a huge character flaw of mine. Live for the day. Up until the accident it was the farthest thing from my mind and I still have a problem with it.
No, I definitely did not over extend myself on the home, I just used all my savings for a down payment and upgrades, I got a really good deal on the house, less that $100,000. I figured I would pay it off in five years, that was the plan anyway. I lost a lot of equity because 1) I started a lot of projects that, because of the accident I just could not finish because of my concentration issues, and 2) I had no money to do the things that had to be done like new windows and roofing shingles. We did try to sell the house but the market was pretty tight and nobody was interested, that and the time of year was bad. If I had of sold it I could have paid all my debts and started over.
In hindsight, I agree, but at the time I was flat broke and really thought all of this was going to be cleared up before then, I accept that responsibility.
My hope was to prove the fraud, I thought it would eliminate the dragging out process.
I wish I could but we have a saying here, " If it cost a nickle to shit, I’d be forced to throw up." I have nothing left to sell and my money just gets us through the month.
After going through this process here on the boards, that’s what I am doing now. I have a lot to think about now.
You’re right and I am considering some possibilities, but like in the past when I did this I an afraid I am just setting myself up for failure, and when it happens it hurts.
I’d be flamed to shit I think if I say it, but what the hell…
Sorry John, I wrote a big long paragraph and I’m really just not comfortable talking about myself like that except to my wife. Let’s just say…
Jesus, I did it again, another long one. I’m really not good at talking about myself, when I read it back it always seems like I’m bragging and it just makes me uncomfortable.
I just have an unusual outlook and slightly different perspective on life than most people I know and it might make for some funny reading.
Eh, just post it. I think people are being honest with you here. And you are for the most part keeping an open mind to the feedback you are getting. I think this thread will be helpful for you in the future to come back and read now and again.
OK- this cracked me up, and it’s so typical of your comments- 'No, I didn’t do blah, blah, blah. I just did (insert same thing but try to call it something else). “I didn’t over-extend myself, I just over extended myself.” But folks do that all the time and they muddle through. It’s not really that big a deal.
Although I am kinda impressed that you stuck with this thread as long as you did. I can be hard to feel criticized.
I do wish you the best but I just can’t get behind your whining. I think it’s because you and your situation remind me of my neighbor. This guy out on permanent disability due to a back injury. Fortunately for him, his back injury doesn’t prevent him from producing numerous children, driving several hours to his deer lease, bagging some deer and picking me up a nice 50 pound bag of south Texas oranges or grapefruit on the way back, or prevent him from partaking in his favorite weekend activity- beer drinking and county western dancing.
Heck, all his stuff is nicer than my stuff and I work my butt off. Do I think he’s gaming the system? Yeah. Do I care enough to do anything about it (as if there were anything one could do about it)? No.
I’m a nurse. I worry about making mistakes at work every day. Who doesn’t? But that doesn’t prevent me from doing my job. I let my fear of making mistakes keep me on the ball. Maybe you could try to harness your anxiety and use it as a tool for good.
The reason I say that I did not over extend myself is because my mortgage payment, property taxes included, was less than what I would pay for rent. The assessed value was almost twice what I paid for it, so I don’t think I over extended myself, if anything it would have been a good investment and I was saving money. I may be wrong bet it felt right at the time.
I don’t do these things, it’s again comparing apples to oranges. The doctors and WCB see the gym and hockey as being therapeutic, they tell me I should go. Like I said before, WCB pays for my yearly gym membership. They tell me it’s okay to volunteer my time. It’s not like I say ouch my back I can’t do this at work and then go lift stuff at home. Hell, if you know any hockey teams that want to sign an almost 50 year old, not very good goalie to contract and it pays half decent, I’m in.
When I was working I never worried about making mistakes, shit happens. The problem is that if you suddenly developed early onset Alzheimer’s and became very forgetful and started giving patients the wrong medicine or double doses I am sure you and your superiors would start to question your ability to do the job, you are now a liability. Now if instead of Alzheimer’s, some whacko patient hit you on the head with a bedpan and you suffered a brain injury, but made the same mistakes, would this change your mind? This is more than just a fear of messing up, I have proven over and over, if to no one else but myself, that I make a lot of stupid mistakes, I skip important steps through forgetfulness and the end result is generally wasteful and embarrassing. I like to do a bit of woodworking and of all the things I have made, I made more firewood than anything.
I am certainly open for suggestions, cause I have a surplus of that.
