This is ME!!! And it’s absolutely unfounded by anything that is logical.
I can also relate to Indygrrl and ninetypercent.
And with those who admit to being a terrible housekeeper, messy and lazy.
WOW - I SUCK!
This ->
Glad to help, RancidYak.
I am convinced that I am uni-polar. I feel in the depths of despair(or at least the shallow end) and last week I was yucking it up. It is cyclical, tied to my period (sorry if that is TMI). For example-not only cannot I imagine wanting sex with my hubby or fav fantasy, say, today–it revolts me to think of it at present. Once the flow is over, back I go to life is ok, and sometimes fun.
Last week, I almost couldn’t get enough(sex). Also, I had energy etc. Took the daily round in stride etc.
This week-tearing up at posts, world seems dismal etc. Total apathy etc.
I know this will pass (if I didn’t know that it would–God help me). I would ask for an anti-depressant, but they really don’t seem to help. I’ve been on 2 different ones over the years and one made me almost hypo-manic and the other removed all desire for sex, ever. Not much of a choice, eh?
I tend not to be so hard on myself unless I am so down. I still believe the above is true, but see the compensations, know that I do matter etc.
Or maybe I’m just kidding myself and this is as good as it gets.
Damn.
Not much to see here, folks, move along. Pity party is ending for Rigby…
I’m perfect, and have no flaws.
Wait, that’s not true.
I tend to be extremely reclusive at times, and I’m not sure why. I’m not anti-social, I suppose I just put a high value on time to myself. One of the greatest feelings for me is to be in my quiet apartment and watch TV, or play video games for hours. I really like people, honest. When invited to social events, I tend to be hesitant about going although I know I’ll have a great time. I’m hesitant because I’d almost rather just go home and be by myself.
I’m nowhere near as physically active as I once was. I broke my collar bone in a cycling accident, and it’s healed terribly. The bone is crooked and on top of where it should be. It creates unusual problems, including a weaker side of my body and an unusual pain that occurs when I’ve been on my feet too long. Worse yet, I’m not sure if there even is any kind of surgical procedure that could correct this.
I love to write, I feel as if it is something I must do with my life. I have many ideas floating in my mind for stories, and yet I can never bring myself to actually dedicate any real amount of time to pursuing this. I don’t know why.
I’m terrible with math. It’s been the bane of my education, and I’ve worked very hard to change that. I dropped College Algebra the first time I had it, then the second time I recieved tutoring directly from the instructor. I worked hard, and invested a great deal of time in it. I passed the class, but that is about all I can say.
I can never, ever get enough sleep.
Those are some of my things. More than I figured I’d bother to type.
When I was in AA, I was told that a lot of alcoholics and addicts are like this. (Not that you or ninetypercent are alcoholic/addicts, just sayin’). They’re either on top of the world, thinking they’re the most talented, best-looking, smartest person in the room, or they are in the gutter, thinking just the opposite. I’ve never found much middle ground, but I’m working on it.
I think this holds true for a lot of people who have that addictive tendency. I’m not sure exactly why.
See what happens when you skip orientation.
You use Hi Opal! because
[ol][li]You have only two items in a list.[/li][li]It looks bad.[/ol][/li]…
[DanaC]
[GeorgeB]
Na Ga Da
[/GeorgeB]
[/DanaC]
And I must say I actually like my old references. I can’t wait till they’re antique.
I hate that at 34 I still am not sure what I want to be when I grow up. I’m not sure that I’d care so much either if it wasn’t for the fact that I have a family to take care of now.
I just don’t feel that need to be or perform a function of society. I just wanna get by.
Actually, I got about half way through orientation. I get about half of the references around here. 
I did understand about the Hi Opal thing (although I have seen it on more than just my list that had more than 2 items). Since I was fessing up on my faults, I was tempted to start slipping into a downer. I didn’t want that, so using a weak attempt at light-heartedness, I threw a Hi Opal into my list. It may have worked a bit.
Anyway, thanks for keeping me straight. I need all the help I can get.
So many things. I truly hope my child-to-be has none of my traits.
1 - I’m overly sensitive. I hate that my feelings get hurt so easily and that I’m so prone to tears. Even when I’m angry, tears spring to my eyes, which makes me even angrier. I seem to absorb emotions from those around me. I try (usually unsuccessfully) to avoid television news because I can’t seem to distance myself from all the terrible news I see.
2 - I feel guilty a lot and worry constantly. Whether I have any control over a situation matters not.
3 - If I can’t do something perfectly, I’d rather not do it at all. I’m not talking about doing my best. I get so frustrated when my best doesn’t meet this impossible standard I’ve created.
4 - I’m anxious, shy and have struggled with depression my whole life. I assume people are judging me negatively. I’m extremely uncomfortable in social situations, despite the fact that I’m incredibly lonely.
:eek: No one else has commented on this, so I will. Don’t. Stay strong. You left him for a reason originally. Get counseling, it will help. If nothing else, sit down and make a list of all the things he did that inspired you to leave him. Then put this list somewhere where you will see it every day. Add to it.
Don’t put yourself through hell you’ve already escaped.
I am unbelievably messed up in some respects:
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Like Cyros, I’m overly sensitive–I freak out about the smallest things, the littlest reactions, things which mean nothing at all.
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Sometimes, having a vivid imagination is a bad thing. Trust me on this, I have more phobias and free-floating anxiety than I can keep track of.
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Lazy, lazy, lazy, so very incredibly procrastinatingly lazy. And–I’ll get it out here and now–I’m a slob.
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Occasionally–for no apparent reason–I get really shy and stand-offish and closed off from everyone. It’s like a switch gets flipped or something.
I was tempted to answer this, too, but didn’t want to hijack. [whine]But Anaamika did it first![/whine]
Last year I left my abusive husband. A few months ago, my mom left her abusive husband. And still, I can’t think of anything to say to you that will cause you to ditch that guy before you’re darn well good and ready to. All I can tell you is that when you have done it, I believe you’ll be so much happier and you will really appreciate your freedom. Your life can be a lot better, and I hope you find that out for yourself soon.
Okay! Back to the self-hatred!
Procrastinating. Lazy. Lost all motivation for academic success (success? hell, anything above mediocrity). Socially awkward. At high risk for osteoporosis when I’m old. Horrifically shy, and can’t say no.
Oh yeah, and sometimes I kill threads. That fills me with shame.
I hate that I cry when I get mad. It’s not like I sob or anything, my eyes just…leak. I can talk perfectly rationally and understandably, but my husband can’t get past the fact that tears are falling from my eyes no matter how calmly I speak. It really takes the wind out of my sails when I’m pissed.
That’s exactly what I was referring to. Argh!
This thread really drove home the fact that I really don’t like myself. What are the odds the baby I’m carrying won’t be genetically related to me? :smack:
I haven’t noticed this side of you on these boards. At all. 
Interesting, Indygrrl. I’ve been addicted to a few different drugs, and currently drink too much - not a huge excess, but certainly enough to fit the AA profile of alcoholism.
I’ve learned to shut off my mind; my middle ground is not thinking too much. Still, I am usually aware of which extreme I am at. I guess I am working on it too.
When I get truly pissed, I cry - full on waterworks, which just pisses me off even more. Especially when the person I’m pissed at is getting some sort of satisfaction out of thinking they’ve broken me down, when all they’ve really done is rile me up.
Before me, it was just known as “crastination”.