Short of, “there’s someone out there for everyone,” (which doesn’t really say much when you think of it,) what do you tell someone who genuinely feels as though they’ll always be alone? (This is a real pain in the ass–I’ve tried just about everything, and can’t seem to find the right words.)
Atleast if you’re alone, you’ll have plenty of money to spend on your cats.
Your dozens and dozens of cats.
You don’t tell them anything. You DO NOT tell them “there is someone for everybody.”
You be there for them. Don’t push them to find someone, don’t try to be “that” person. Just be there. Be a friend.
I know, I am that person you describe, on and off.
If you feel it is a pain in the ass, shut up, you are being a pain in the ass. If it is a chore for you to be there for them, don’t bother. The fact that you said it IS a pain in the ass makes me wary of you. Do you actualy care to make them feel better, or do you just wish they would quit whining?
Life is long. Life is forever changing. We as people are forever changing. There’s no telling what may happen tomorrow. Sounds a little bit corny even to me, but those words made me feel 1000% better when I was feeling down.
Not at all, relic. What makes helping them a pain in the ass is that I feel inadequate. There are times when I wish I could be of better comfort to them.
I hope you don’t hate me now. I already ticked off Turpentine with my other post.
I don’t hate you, I was just wary…
I second relic’s answer. If there is one thing I hate with a passion, it is trite advice on my situation.
And I only have 5 cats…for now.
I want a kity Stupid dorms…
If the person is serious about wanting to change their situation, then you’ll give them advice that will help them do that. Even if you are a pain in the ass.
Change is rarely easy. If change is required to get your friend where your friend wants to be, then change is what you should recommend. And help in making those changes.
Sorry, but I don’t buy that ‘just be there’ crap. You can buy a $2 cat for that. Or heck, shoot a $20 on a bag of cats.
Just tell them it could be worse. You could be married and still be alone.
Eutychus55… You are so right, you can feel that way, but now that I’m a widow, I realize I was never truly alone at all… Life sure has a way of making you see things differently…
Yike, I hope that’s not you, Euty! It is a friend of mine.
They’re not alone, anyway, Gambit, you’re around sometimes. I get a little offended when my friend tells me how nobody likes her…what about the guy you’re talking to on the phone right now?
If they want a mate and can’t find one, they could be too picky, or maybe something about their situation makes potential mates uneasy…I, for instance, have been told I’m not gonna find a mate until I have a real job, which seems pretty likely in this culture. Once they really can’t stand not having somebody, they’ll do what they need to do to find somebody, or relax about being unattached. I’ve been there.
Don’t kick yourself because you can’t solve somebody else’s problem. If this person is a female, she probably doesn’t want advice, anyway, just to be listened to. And if she’s really desperate, you could give her my e-mail address…
But the fact is that there IS someone out there for everyone! This planet has a population of aprox. 6 BILLION people… about half of whom will be the preferred sex of your friend! It will take time, but he/she WILL meet the right person eventually…
What’s important is to not be overcome by loneliness: In my experience, there is nothing less attractive than someone who is always sighing and thinking ‘no one will ever love me!’. People like this are NO fun to be with, and if you want to find a lover, you must be fun to be with! EVERYONE has friends… and what are friends but people that love you? Your friend’s love may be Platonic rather than erotic; but so what? It proves that you are capable of being loved!
It took me an extraordinary amount of time to find Astrofiancee, but I DID find her, eventually! I have a very good friend (not me dammit! I have other problems!) who is NOT attractive, is REALLY, EXTREMELY odd in his personal habits, has chronic halitosis (BAD)… but he has a girlfriend who is beautiful, intelligent, and fun to be around… why? Because, despite all of his problems, he is interesting and fun to be with!
If your friend wants to find someone, first he/she needs to be a person who is fun to be with; and that means forgetting that he/she is hunting for a lover… this of course will make no sense to your friend if said friend is wallowing in self-pity.
There is no advice (IMHO) that you can give to your friend that will help… you just have to take him/her out, have fun together, and wait to see what happens. If your friend is not feeling sorry for him/herself, then SOMEONE, eventually, will find him/her to be attractive!
[sup]Disclaimer: Astroboy is well-known to have his head rammed firmly inside his colon; and any advice he offers is greatly suspect! Use his advice carefully and sparingly…[/sup]
Gambit, I hope your friend is not lonely, and pining away for someone. How sad that would be. Your friend should realize the benefits of being an unattached adult. As long as you pay your bills, anything goes. You can do anything you want. Your home is your castle; it’s your house, they’re your toys, and dangnabit, you make the rules!
No one can ground you!
You don’t have to clean your room!
You can stay up all night watching TV!
Leave every light in the house on!
Wear plaid with stripes!
Eat toast in bed, crumbs be damned!
Just a few examples. I’ve been divorced for 13 years, and it’s been over a decade of a second childhood for me. Just last weekend, I bought a Snoopy SnoCone machine, because I always wanted one when I was a little girl, and my mom wouldn’t let me have one. My girlfriends and I made SnoCones with Absolut Citron, and they were deliciously naughty!! We savoured each one, and laughed about our 25th class reunion the summer before. A Kodak moment, if you will.
Back to your friend hic. Is he/she using you for a wailing wall? That would get old real fast. While we all like to ‘be there’ for our friends, self-fullfilling prophecies of doom usually come to fruition. There’s nothing more unattractive than a whiny, clingy, needy person.
Your friend should pursue new interests, take up a new sport or hobby; and find like minded people to spend time with. Maybe your friend has just been looking too hard, and in the wrong places. Take some tennis lessons, or scuba, or basket weaving. Try new things, and meet new people, that’s my motto!
And as astroboy kindly pointed out, with 6 billion people on the planet, surely there’s a tennis playing/scuba-diving/basket-weaving counterpart out there! Who likes SnoCones!
Tell them to advertise for what they’re looking for on the net (carefully!). Worked for me
If you want a car, you look at the car ads; if you want a house, you look at the real estate ads; if you want a mate, you sit around the house and mope and hope they show up at your door someday? I don’t think so. It might sound a bit callous, and less than romantic, but it is just realistic; by meeting lots more people, I was able to compress years of waiting to meet someone into a couple of months. And you’re able to specify what you do and don’t want, so the people you do meet are more likely to be compatible.
Mail order brides/grooms!
Turpentine has taught me to be non-gender specific.
I just say “C’mon, being dumb and ugly ain’t gonna keep you from getting laid! Look around you. There’s dumb ‘n’ ugly people getting laid left and right!”
“Look at your parents, for instance…”