I assumed that was a joke – what are the chances that a stranger would happen by and be polite enough to let everyone know what happened?
I may be giving away too much about myself but I’ll give you my perspective on the OP’s questions.
Regarding your first question, it can be. However, regarding your second question, it can be that way too in its more extreme forms.
To a certain degree but I don’t think it can be a crush if feelings are mutual between the two subjects. I think to be a crush, there has to something unattainable about the object of desire.
You really can’t. Just ride it out and hope it ends before you get hit with a restraining order. (That’s never happened to me, BTW.)
Having a crush when you’re older differs from an adolescent crush in that it’s often coupled with the realization of how hopeless and ultimately pathetic it is for someone your age to have. Basically, there’s more of an internal conflict between your left brain and your right brain.
It took me a sec to realize what was going on there. While not as bad as it couldve been, if it were me, I would’ve just clicked “log out”.
But people have to be smartasses. In a public space.
I, like Monstro, don’t have crushes. Sadly, I am too prone to the see reality of the person and not an idealized version. Even right now, there is a guy I know who is sweet, funny and smart, handsome and off limits since we work together. Instead of crushing on him, I realized that in 5 minutes I would be annoyed by his social life and the amount that he drinks.
I don’t really start to lust over a guy until I know him rather well and find his brain to be as attractive as the rest of him. The number of guys that triggered “crush-level” obsession were actually guys I was dating, or would be dating within the week ;), is a whopping 2. Even then, I was sadly aware of their real selves, but at least I avoided being disappointed when they weren’t perfect.
For me a crush isn’t always a sexual thing, either. I develop crushes on both men and women, and while I am probably an 80/20 bisexual (80% hetero 20% homo) my crushes on women aren’t always of a sexual/romantic nature.
It’s sort of a mini-obsession and you just feel good whenever you’re in that person’s presence, or when you think about that person. They make you feel special even without doing anything. It’s hard to explain.
Wait… What are you talking about? All guys are perfect.
I like your description, a lot. It’s accurate, IMHO. I will add that crushes can also be the product of beautiful lyrics. I was 9 when I had my first crush, it was mutual and very sweet. Now, 39 years later, I find myself on similar ground. I agree, crushes can indeed turn into loving relationships.
I don’t think a crush necessarily means you idealize the person. It can, particularly with people you don’t know very well, but it is possible (it’s happened, trust me) to view someone for who they are and still have a crush.
I really don’t see how it can be characterized as a crush if there’s no romantic nature. Otherwise, it’s just strong liking, which you can feel for anyone. What I call girl-crushes are similar to what men describe as being “gay for” another man. They’re not really (I don’t think?), but they’re poking at how much they like the guy. When I have a girl-crush, it means I have a deep liking for her, but don’t think of it as an actual crush, and assumed that’s the what everyone else meant when they said it.
Nope. Facts yes, but very few personalities.
But it feels different from just really liking a woman a lot, and feels exactly like a crush on the opposite sex.
So then you find yourself having crushes on men with no romantic element?
Well yes. Most crushes have no “romantic” element since the object is usually hilariously unattainable due to objective factors (ie, is gay, is married, lives 2,000 miles away, something like that).
I’ve never had an “crush” on someone who was attainable. I either attained them, (LOL) or by getting to know them better I liked them less, or the intensity just faded to normal levels conducive to friendship.
OTOH, maybe I’m a bad person to comment, because I’ve never had a crush that was painful. I’m always extremely aware of how impossible it would ever be to “get with” the person, but it doesn’t bother me at all. I just enjoy the ride.
Sometimes I call it a crush, when you know someone you consider so thoroughly amazing, you don’t want to HAVE them, you want to BE them.
For me it’s entirely negative, since I get extreme anxiety with a lot of physical symptoms, and uncontrollable obsessive thoughts. I wouldn’t wish the way I feel when I have ‘feelings’ for someone on anyone. Thankfully I haven’t had to experience these feelings more than a handful of times in my life, and most people don’t experience ‘crushes’ as painful, the way I do.
ETA: My crushes are always on someone attainable, since I know them and horribly, they usually like me back. But I know logically we are not right for each other/can’t be together, so I fight my feelings, which probably makes it worse. The only exception here is my long-term SO (who I actually dated, unlike most people I’ve had feelings for); and it took a YEAR of us being together before my anxiety/obsessiveness torture cleared up, and we could have a normal romantic relationship that brought me comfort.
Man, I’m fucked up.
Just because the person is unattainable, why isn’t there a romantic element? It’s not like people only become attracted to people who are attainable or right for them. Even if you can’t attain the crush, you still have a romantic/sexual interest in them. Otherwise, how is it a crush? I’m with MoL – if I didn’t have a romantic interest in someone, I wouldn’t define it as a crush. I think of crushes as being sexually attracted to the person.
Hm, for me sexual attraction is usually the lesser part of the equation, like I said it is because they are OMG SO AMAZING in every way.
If you’re “just” sexually attracted to someone, its not a crush, just an idle moment of being “in lust.” Lust is very easily laughed off - whereas when you’re crushing the total-package amazingness of the other person is a little overwhelming. (but still fun, IMHO).
Which is why the intense non-sexual admiration you can feel for a person, feels very like a crush to me.
That makes sense, Hello Again. But for me, there’s a definite sexual interest in a crush, even if it’s not the whole thing. There’s a big difference between a girl crush where I just think the person is so amazing and I want to be friends with her/aspire to be like her, and a crush-crush where I think the guy is amazing and wonderful and so so sexy.
^^Yes, that. It’s not just sexual attraction, but that’s part of it. And also, agreed, attainability doesn’t have much to do with it. You don’t have to be able to bang them, but it’d be nice if you could.
Yeah, occasionally.
Pssh, post #57: not a crush unless you wanna bang 'em.
Yeah, I don’t understand the attainability element here. At least for me, a crush is not synonymous with unrequited love. Most of my significant romantic relationships have started with something I would term a “crush.” I’ve also had crushes that I’ve never pursued (because I knew they were simply unfeasible) or ones that have briefly taken off and then crashed and burned. They’re all over the map.