What does the SDMB look like?

Suppose the SDMB were a building, or something. How would it be layed out? What would the different forums be like?

I suppose I’ll start with mine to get the wheels turning. The About this Message Board would be the lobby area, where there’s a bulletin board to see the rules or an information desk to ask technical questions. Also at the desk is where you can leave Comments on Cecil’s Columns. Behind the desk would be a long dark staircase that leads to Cecil’s lair, where no one is allowed.

If you go in one door, it takes you to a cafe, where you can purchase many fine foods and drinks. It’s also home to many a comfy couch and television set. Of course, this is the Cafe Society. The next room over is basically a normal lounge, with lots of comfy couches and chairs of course. Here you can discuss things such as “In My Humble Opinion…” or perhaps if you have some Miscellaneous Pointless Stuff I Must Share.

In a far off corner, there’s a decrepit wooden door that leads to the basement. In crude red paint, BBQ Pit is emblazened on the door. Enter if you dare!

So what does the SDMB look like to you?

A boot stamping on a human face - forever.

It is shaped a lot like a 1920’s style death ray.


Brown hair


Big ass

A bar. A big, smoke-filled bar with a way too loud jukebox playing, peanut shells on the floor, and a large, obnoxious but loveable, toothless wench screaming out “Number 27, chili dog and fries” behind the grill counter, and a smiling, gay hippie and a hot babe in fishnets running the bar.

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share

Where you gonna put us nitpickers?

I follow Yumblie fairly well, but I think that the lounge where IMHO is also has a stage and a microphone. Microphone has a sign hanging off of it labeled MPSIMS. That way you can share it with everyone.

Also the doorway to the pit is a sturdy wooden door with huge Iorn handles (think of a castle door). Blood stains and scorth marks on the door. Flanked by two huge guys in Plate armor weilding two handed axes. Across the Chest of the armor is writen Moderator. Not only are these guards found at the door, but can occasionally be seen wondering around, dragging people between rooms.

General Questions would be a small room with Q.E.D. sitting behind a desk.

Oh, right, I forgot General Questions and Great Debates. That would be a large library with all the useful knowledge in the world.

The SDMB looks exactly like an achemist’s crucible, in which the mundane is transmuted into the miscellaneous.

We have been trying for that whole “pure gold” thing, but it’s taking longer than we thought.

Did you hear about the alchemist who successfully transmuted all the king’s gold into lead?

They killed him, of course…

I don’t as I can say just what it looks like, but it smells a lot like chocolate and bubble tea, for some reason.

Oh yeah, and pie.

Og dern it!

That was supposed to be dyslexic alchemist!

Serves me Wright for posting before the coffee kicks in.

I noticed today that the forums are listed from most important/relevant to The Straight Dope to least. First you have Comments on the Columns, then General Questions to be answered, then Debates about more controversial Questions, then the high-culture Café Society, then IMHO, then mundane happy shit, then mundane angry shit. I wonder if that’s intentional.

Nitpickers go in the coal hole.
Trolls go in the wheelie bin.
Newbies go in a sort of creche with soft toys and padded walls.
Mods are locked away in the cellar, chained to their chairs and smacked with electric cattle probes. That’s why they’re all so moody.

The pentagon?

Or maybe the pentagram?

Maybe a Pinto?

A pinto bean?

a pint?


Distilled down to it’s basic elements, it would look like pee.

If it’s light and yellow, you got juice there, fellow.

If it’s dark and brown, you’re in cider town.

Apple juice looks like pee.

Apple cider looks like pee when you’re really feeling bad…

Straight Dope looks like…

Rows and rows of people with wedding rings in their noses.
And of course 1920’s style death rays

I didn’t know my Mother in Law was here.

Great Debates would be a large room, possibly even a courtyard. There are many groups of people carrying placards and signs, some shouting slogans. A few unassociated people are walking around trying to talk to the activists. No one is listening to anyone else.