Leechboy has a cousin who is getting married in November. The wedding will take place 3-4 hours drive from where we live. So we thought we’d have a lovely weekend away and book a motel for the Friday night before and the Saturday night of the wedding. Relive our honeymoon and all.
Alas it is not to be My MIL has decided that this would be a great opportunity for a clan gathering and has booked a church camp ground for the weekend – one of those places with big sheds and bunk beds methinks.
It is one BIL’s birthday on the Friday and we have been told we must be there to celebrate. Then the wedding on Saturday, on Sunday we are going to have a family church services.
Let me set the scene: 12 Adults and 8 Children (6 of them under the age of 5). One SIL I share a house with and dear god - do I not see enough of her already!. She is not speaking to SIL #4 SIL #3 will also be rude to SIL #4 dunno why. BIL # 1 & 2 will talk about data cabling for at least 3 hours - they do so at every family gathering. MIL will dispense brutally honest commentary on everyones lives to 3rd parties. Leechboy will talk to BIL # 3 and generally ignore everyone else. SIL #4 will be angry at BIL #3 (her husband) for not supporting her against the other SIL’s and will then expect me to back her up. I will collapse under the pressure and end up in the shower with all my clothes trying to escape the noise and tension.
When SIL told me about it I said that leechboy and I would be staying elsewhere. She said that if we did that we would offend the entire family and that she was really looking forward to it. My reply “That’s all well and good but you are a daughter whereas I am an in-law and quite frankly if I had to spend that much time with your family I may kill myself.”
Rude – Yes
The Truth – Yes
Should I have said it - probably not.
I like the in-laws and taken in small doses and separately they are really good fun to spend time with (with the possible exception of BIL 2) but no one should expect me to want to spend an entire weekend locked up with them in the middle of nowhere.
So I come here to the BBQ Pit to say to my in-laws FUCK OFF. You have ruined my planned weekend on long, slow, leisurely, loving sex only interrupted by the wedding and replaced it with hell in a shed with bunk beds.
What does Leechboy think ? If he feels the same way, you could just tell the family that you felt like the two of you needed some quality time together, and that you’ll see them at the wedding. Oh, and if they’ve already booked, let them know they should’ve consulted you first.
Sometimes it’s easier to just go along with the faaaaaamily and keep the peace. Not always, though.
Goo, who has about zero tolerance left for her in-laws butting into her marriage and is about to go postal on them (so take the above with a grain of salt)
God - so many people here going through regular hell with in-laws. I realise I’m naive about it not being married myself, but no way hell on earth would I put up with what so many of you poor people suffer through love/respect/sense of duty/emotional blackmail/desperation.
Divorce rates are high enough these days without in-laws adding to marital stress.
…firmly resolved to take iron hand with any future in-laws…
Goo - leechboy hadn’t really thought about the event and when asked thought that perhaps we should go in with the family.
Its really all going to depend on my mood at the time, if I’m feeling down or stressed more than likely I will go nuts spending that much time with family.
Another reason for the honeymoon style weekend is that work is holding a caravan show the weekend before which is a rather large event and consumes my life entirely for at least a month prior and a week after.
Also 4 weeks after the wedding we are holding another Caravan Show for the first time in rural Victoria.
So I expect it to be a VERY high stress time for me and was really looking forward to a weekend chilling with my boy - nothing better for stress than a really good orgasm :D.
istara a good resolve unfortunately it can be hard to maintain without upsetting your SO
Aha ! But, Leechbabe, when asked, did you say “Oh… I was thinking we could have a bit of a dirty weekend, as if we’re newlyweds again !” and look really disappointed ? Yeah, it’s not 100% upfront and is a bit passive-aggressive, but I bet he’d quickly forget any family obligations
Istara, good luck with that resolve. I met my in-laws when I was 14 and totally niave in the ways of family relationships and give and take. If I could go back, I’d do a lot of things differently… or I’d tell Mr Goo where to find me when we were adults, so I was meeting them for the first time on equal footing
I’m about to deal with a situation with my own family. It’s my parents’ 50th anniversary, and my sibs, all of whom live 800 miles from me, planned this big fiasco of a party. I wasn’t consulted regarding dates or anything - tho I was told what my share would cost.
For a while there, it looked as if I wouldn’t be able to attend or contribute - then hubby got a job in the same area where my sibs live. So I’m flying there in a few days, and thanks to his job, we are able to afford to contribute our share. Still, the sister who’s taken charge expects me to spend the entire weekend setting up for this party. I’m living 800 miles from my husband and I’m lucky to see him twice a month, and I’m supposed to take one of those times and spend it with my sibs - the same sibs who can’t seem to move themselves to visit me - even when I lived less than 3 hours away… GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Yeah, there are some issues. I’ve informed sis that she can have me for one day. I can just imagine what they’re all saying. Frankly, if I wasn’t sure this would be one of the last events my dad would be alive for, I’d just blow it off. I used to think that family came before everything, but I’ve decided that some families aren’t worth the grief. Apparently there are those who think blood connections entitle them to take advantage.
OK, this isn’t exactly a hijack - just pretend it was told from hubby’s point of view…
I admit. It’s important to draw the line. And not just with in-laws. Your own family usually deserves it just as much (mine more!).
That’s the reason why, when we visit my family over the holidays, we now stay at hotels. One year I’d simply had enough of sleeping on couchs and kids beds and decided to do so. My sister said ‘oh you’re just wasting money. Keep staying with us.’. I replied, “It’s mine to waste.”
And then I invited her kids to come to the heated, indoor pool. Given that it’s usually December in Chicago that won them over famously.
Now I’m known as the guy who would rather stay at a hotel. But I’m happier and more comfortable.
I’m almost tempted to say, leechbabe, that suddenly my extended family doesn’t sound so bad. Aunts don’t speak to uncles unless forced to (for reasons I bloody well understand and don’t blame them one whit), children ran away from home and severed all ties with their parents, etc. But there have been exactly two family reunions I can remember or that I know about since 1980, and I was less than five years old for both of them.
I guess that’s the good thing about my father being the youngest of 11. Nobody really wants to make the effort to get 30-some families (because they’re mostly good Christian families and as such have kids, and their kids some of them have kids:)) from several states, I think across the ocean and in ages varying from late 60s to early 20s together for one weekend. It’d be complete madness.
And unless we booked a stadium, it’d be as crowded as a clusterfuck in an elevator. And, conveniently, the relatives who are nearby happen to be some of my favorites. And the aunt who lives 99% of the time in happy denial? She lives in Florida. So y’all Floridians have my Aunt Ann (subject of a pit thread some time ago) and electile dysfunction. Biased fuck that I am, I’d rather the pregnant chads:D
The uncle with the kid who ran away, alas, only lives in Jersey. But then from most accounts that’s pretty much Hell anyway, so it works out a little in the end:)
Oh … this was supposed to be about you. Crap, I’m sorry! Good luck[sub]with mind-blowing sex or ear-drum popping arguments[/sub]!
Well here is what I did (probably best not to follow my example though):
[Sinatra] I did it MYYYYYY WAYYYYYYY [/Sinatra]
I told my wife that her family drives me nuts, and I had worked long and hard to stay away from my nutty family and our marriage was not an adoption by her family.
I set firm rules with my wife and her family. Since they are all used to getting their way it was interesting at first, eventually they understood that I was a contrary bastard and would not do things that I did not want to do (ie travel 4 states away for their stupid annual family reunions). However, as I do all of their computers and electronics for them, together with thousands in free legal advice, along with cooking and shopping tips when they ask (hey I am a modern guy ) I seem to be still held in relatively high regard.
Even if I was not, the principle I stick with is that I will not be forced, conned, whined, bullied, or passive-aggressived (not a real word, but it should be) into doing something that will waste my life or make me unhappy. I still go over and see them and do stuff with them, but on terms acceptable to me.
He was a crook and a schnook, but one thing you gotta give Dan Rostenkowski credit for is that he got the other eleven months for Chicago. We even have a summer now.
Next time you come to Chi-town, give us a holler. We can whip up a JCDope.
Thank-you everyone for your tales from the dark side and support.
I am going to do a quick ring around this morning and find out which family members are planning to attend - I have a feeling that some may not even know about it yet.
Leechboy said that SIL bailed him up late last night after I’d gone to bed and told him we had to go or else! Or else what I ask? Then she the queen of disorganisation dared to give him a lecture on planning!
Anyhoo, I think I will claim large amounts of work to do and say that I at least can’t stay there as I have to get back to the office. leechboy can decide for himself.
Although this will give SIL further fuel for the rumour that she is spreading that leechboy and my marraige is in trouble.
Anytime I read evil in-laws stories I feel so guilty. My in-laws are wonderful, terrific people who I just adore. It’s my relatives who are the In-Laws From Hell.
It is very hard to keep peace when your husband just wants to be treated like a person and your family is determined to hate him for no reason and all you really want is for your kids to have grandparents!
Leechbabe, your man should be taking your side. There is nothing in the wedding vows about letting his parents push you around. You two are one, so if his family is rude to you, they are rude to him, and neither of you should have to stand for it.
I’m sure I’d have less in-law problems if we didn’t happen to be sharing a house with my SIL. As of the moment we moved in there was a sharp increase in the amount of time I was expected to spend socialising with the in-laws.
Nowdays if leechboy doesn’t make an effort to go see his mom at least once a month I get blamed - He’s a freaking adult don’t blame me and Hello MIL don’t you know what a telephone is!!
But the SIL we live with is at the root of all our problems - she is very nosey and likes to gossip generally prefacing her comments with “You know I love all my SIL’s equally just like my own sister but…” Damn I hate that.
It’s been my experience that Every family has someone they talk about. It is unlikely that they will butt out.
With that in mind here’s what you can do to mess with their heads.
You need to convince your husband that Rumors are fun.
With his consent tell your SIL that you two will be staying elsewhere. Hint around that this would benefit your marriage.
The resulting rumors could be a source of amusement for you that just continues to grow.
Granted you have to have an odd sense of humor, but it could be worth it.
I have The Perfect Solution we can not stay away from home overnight because Tarquin the Wonder Dog needs to be fed and walked!!
As everyone else who lives at our place will be staying at the family camp for the weekend this means leechboy and I get the house to ourselves. So we can relive our honeymoon in our own home Yay
My MIL has decided that this would be a great opportunity for a clan gathering and has booked a church camp ground for the weekend – one of those places with big sheds and bunk beds methinks.
