I have reached the conclusion that newbies have a positive function at these boards (not that I was ever one myself, no siree!).
Aside from the occasionally spectacular self-immolation, they can also resurrect some of your favorite old threads without nary a blush at reviving such a moldering zombie. My “Strange Things You Say Involving Your Pet’s Name” thread over in MPSIMS is enjoying another go 'round just as my “Favorite Mel Blanc Quotes” did recently. For this, I give them my collective thanks.
What other utile purposes do these greenhorns serve?
Zenster, your “Strange Things You Say Involving Your Pet’s Name” thread made Threadspotting. I didn’t add to the thread, you people would think I’m nuts. And now, with my 500th post, (I think) I no longer consider myself a newbie!
Gone for two weeks and I had to miss this? Thanks for the heads-up Bosco (may I call you Bosco?).
A little too late for that, don’t you think?
I’ve gotten several of them to come clean my house and run races with their jeans around their ankles. Oh, and Hell Week at the SDMB is the best! Who’s going to be Hell Master this year?
Newbies beware. I suggest you start practicing pushups right now. The clapping kind. One handed. On your knuckles.
I nominate Obsfucaitrist. He’ll be around shortly to remind us all yet another time of people pushing straws up my nose anyway. Isn’t he this board’s resident Hell Master as it stands? Or does he just think that he is?
A little known fact is that newbies actually inhale carbon dioxide and exhale oxygen. This happens until about 250 posts. So we also recycle the air around here!
IN with the BAD AIR out with the GOOD.
Also, we laugh at all your tired old jokes, just s if they were new.
We can, um…
RAISE PEOPLES’ SELF-ESTEEM!!!
Yeah! That’s it!
We call guys she/her and gals he/him.
We ask a lot of dead-horse questions about soda carbonation, vB code, -gry words, felch and squick, etc.
We knuckle under to anybody with a larger postcount.
Face it, we crack you up.
When we inform them and make them non-newbies they can bring some interesting point of views from the world that us net addict ppl don’t notice. Besides that, they’re just here so we have something to flame. A little comic relief.
…you find our total lack of netiquette, poor spelling and suspect grammer strangely endearing.
Also, I’m quite good at carrying heavy objects, if that’s any use.
How many posts does a person have before they’re not a newbie anymore?
I assume its more than 343, otherwise I wouldn’t have to ask the question, but anyhow…
If you have to ask how many posts, then you are still a newbie. Why? Because it still shows a lack of self-confidence on the boards. When a person can say I am not a newbie any more, without looking at his post count, then he’s in.
What fun is a newbie/value of newbie? Well they keep the sex questions going, even though we have all answered them a hundred times. They feed the trolls and the rest of us get to fuss at them. They tell us all about their personal lives until they begin to realize that people are actually reading their posts. I could think of a hundred more things but that’s enough for now. Newbies…gotta love 'em.
We like to rhyme.
We like our beats funky.
We evolved from a monkey.
I think I just said that…
We’re good for traction, baby, traction!
Cruchy on the outside
Chewy on the inside
[bitter childhood memory rears it’s ugly head]
Also they tend to make me to be the penultimate person picked to be on the team instead of the last.
I would have to say newbies are a great addition to the SDMB, the more the merrier!
Newbies post to threads with the word “newbie” in them, hereby raising the number of posts in a newbie thread in order to make the original poster happy.