Grape jelly when I was younger; now it’s peanut butter, Nutella, or both at the same time. Super tasty little treat!
Absolute best: Saltines heaped with tuna (or salmon) salad, plus a garlic(or dill) pickle spear. 
My go-to saltine snack “sandwich” has a slice of salami and provolone.
On Saltines, plain old butter has been my choice for 70 years. Lots of alternatives (cheese, deviled ham, lunch meat, avocado, et.al.) but my go-to is butter.
Someone mentioned it above – it’s anchovies. Not sardines, anchovies. Right out of the can. Nothing else.
Delicious. Salty goodness.
This thread is inspiring me. You know what would be good? Olives stuffed with anchovies.
Sounds like a lot of work, though.
You can buy them canned. Also stuffed with shrimp, salmon, and other such goodies.
Answer for the OP: Everything! Well, almost.
I used to buy various sorts of fancy crackers – English and Australian water crackers, fancy “thins” of various kinds, etc. But despite being sometimes accused of being a food snob, I’ve settled on plain old soda crackers (aka “saltines”) for basically everything that you might want to put on a cracker. For my taste, it’s mostly cheeses and paté. I insist on toasted baguette or ciabatta for smoked salmon, but otherwise a soda cracker is the universal base for practically any interesting hors d’oeuvre.
Another hand raised for (real) butter, but peanut butter is best.
I used to grab a sleeve of saltines and a jar of peanut butter, and just use the crackers to scoop up the peanut butter. I’d go through half the sleeve in one sitting.
Milk is necessary of course - which reminds me, I’d also dip saltines into milk, and eat them that way.
…great, now I’m craving saltines.
Chicken soup
Plain or with soup. For whatever reason I crave a sleeve every once in awhile. It’s pretty much worthless nutrition-wise but about a quarter and not too harmful on my digestion. When I was a kid I loved that fake canned cheese stuff. Pretty much anything mentioned here that could be put on a saltine I’d rather put on a sandwich or a bagel or muffin or something, and I rarely feel like that.
I used to make firecrackers using saltines. Apply peanut butter or Nutella to one saltine, sprinkle cannabis on top, then a second saltine. Wrap in aluminum foil and cook in toaster oven for 30 minutes.
Tastes horrible , but quick and easy edible weed.
I had come into this thread with a mind to marvel at everybody’s hillbilly cuisine. Then I remember there is one and only one way I eat raw oysters, and it’s all about the saltine.
Ingredients:
1 saltine
1 premium oyster
1 tsp grated horseradish
1 tsp cocktail sauce
1 splash of fresh-squeezed lemon juice (optional)
Put the oyster on the saltine and everything else on the oyster. Repeat until oysters are gone.
Brie + anchovy on saltine x 6. Microwave 10 seconds till gooey. Better on a Triscuit (because the cheese melts into the wheat matrix), but desperate times call for desperate measures.
Liverwurst has absolutely no place on anything edible. It is the Worse!
Olives stuffed with jalapenos are really good.
Crushed saltines make a great crumb crust for a very sweet pie. A woman where I worked for a few years used to make a butter-pecan ice cream pie with a crushed-saltine crust. Of course, now everyone has figured out the salted-caramel/salted-chocolate combo.
What about its smoky cousin, braunschweiger? We like making a simple braunschweiger spread and smearing that on crackers or thin-sliced rye bread. When we feel a little fancy, we buy Kroger’s Private Selection rosemary crackers to jazz things up. (Note to self: make some braunschweiger spread later this week.)
For my purposes, I am considering (American) braunschweiger a type of liverwurst (which it is, as it is a liver sausage. Honestly, I don’t notice the smokiness, though I know it’s supposed to be there, but Oscar Meyer and Aldi brands are the ones I typically buy) I’ll also include liver-based pates, terrines, and the such – they’re all delicious on a saltine.
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Are there people who put butter on saltines? That sounds weird. I’ve had peanut butter, or hard cheese or even the spray cheese on them.
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I love butter on saltines! I also like to butter them before I dunk them in my soup.
Peanut butter is very good on saltines and so is plain old American cheese.
When I heat up a can of chicken soup nowadays, I always add a big gob of butter, a teaspoon of paprika, and a dollop of sour cream before I put in some crushed saltines. I normally go through at least 1/3 of the waxed paper packet per bowl (and I have mighty big bowls 
).