In this age of supercomputers, world famine and endless reruns, we must all ask ourselves, “What can I do to make life easier for Torgo?”
Sometimes I wonder about our little community. Sure, you talk a good game but do any of you really care about Torgo? If you did, wouldn’t you be doing something to benefit Torgo right now? Be it financial, emotional, intellectual and, yes, even sexual, rest assured that Torgo is in need and will be appreciative of any favors that may come his way. Sure, you may not actually see or hear Torgo express thanks. He may even appear to ignore you completely. But trust me, he is thankful. Just be sure that when you are done favoring Torgo to leave him alone, for Torgo is an edgy man and angers easily.
Thank you for your time. And thank you for thinking of Torgo.
Torgo, I’ve been remiss, and I ask your forgiveness! Please, have mercy, I know I’ve not done a single thing for Torgo, and my spirit is lower than a snake’s belly having to admit such a thing!! Thanks for bringing it to my attention!! I will go and not sin against Torgo anymore!!! Whew, I feel SO much better!!!
“Subconsciously there are many people you hate.” “Consciously,sir, consciously.” Yossarian corrected in an effort to help. “I hate them consciously.”
Torgo , play bongos with Bonzo & Bingo so Kelli can Tango on the island of Tonga.
Did I get that right?
You should tell the truth, expose the lies and live in the moment."-Bill Hicks
“You should tell the lies, live the truth and expose yourself.” - Bill Clinton
Maybe I’d do something for you if you would do something for me. Like pick up my black robe with the red hands from the dry cleaners! Sheesh! Why the heck do I keep you around, anyway?
Torgo called Bonzo who can’t play as he’s lunching with Hector Elizondo, so Torgo will bongo with Bingo and perhaps Alex Karras who played “Mongo.” Later Torgo will tango on Tonga with Kelli who will bring her collection of toy Tonkas, then we’ll dine with Larry Czonka.
Let’s tally the results so far. Here’s what’s been done for Torgo:
Anti Pro: Groveled.
Nu Vo Da Da: Donated kidney.
Sanibel Man: Gave Torgo luggage.
Kellibelli: Threatened Torgo with tangoes.
Sealemon: Resisted desire to incinerate Torgo.
Kyla: Berated Torgo about dry-cleaning.
Greyson3: Offered Torgo liniment.
Cowboy Greg: Reminded Torgo of pizza duties.
Ayesha: Did not flirt with Torgo.
Rysdad: Offered burnt sacrifice to Torgo.
I gotta say, pretty weak effort, folks. Torgo was hoping by this point he’d at least have gotten some offers of psychedelic stimulants or oral sex. But no, all I get are dance lessons, liniment and crappy comments about those f*ckers up in Deep 13 who stiffed me on the tip. Yes, I’m afraid Torgo shall fall asleep with tears on his pillow tonight…
No, Torgo, don’t cry yourself to sleep. I’m a mom, I know how to fix this. Here’s some warm milk and honey, your footy pajamas warm from the dryer, and your favorite copy of “Good night, Moon”.
:::loud pop, flash of lightning strikes Cristi on head:::
Oh! That Torgo! Geez, I’m sorry, I have just been sooooo busy.
Let me see what I can do here…I’ve got some leftover beef stew, some Fudge Ripple ice cream, and some Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies. Will that work for starters?
This space blank, until Wally thinks up something cool to put here.
I just bottled up this year’s batch of ‘Dr. Watson’s Dragon-Breath Ale’ – my traditional spring-time brown ale. I measured a Final Gravity of 1.062, so I expect a real good time in every bottle. (Unless it overreacts and blows the lids off the bottles before it gets a chance to blow the lids off my friends.)
Should Torgo wish to participate in this fiasco of jocko libido, and act as maestro whilst we gauchos lasso drunken young Sappho and take photos as she does the limbo, akimbo, in the gazebo, Torgo need only bring the tabasco, and his ego, and I will play Shinto major-domo for this inferno, and we can overdo this chiarascuro until it echoes like a sirocco to the so and so’s in Terra del Fuego.
