It’s been a while since you’ve seen porn, isn’t it?
But not for very long.
I’d get tied up, teased, and sexually dominated by busty babes in leather and latex all the time.
Wait, that is like my real life!
No it isn’t… 
I’d never get a decent night’s sleep. Even when my own wife wasn’t badgering me for more sex, every other woman in the neighborhood would be alternately moaning and screaming at full volume.
Bra manufacturers would be overjoyed, because they wouldn’t have to make AA, A or B-cup styles anymore.
Shoe manufacturers would produce only 3-inch or higher stiletto heels.
1970s era moustaches would make a comeback.
I don’t like talking about my flair.
If real life were like porn, all men would always wear their socks, though sometimes shoes as well, and nothing else.
[sup]Grrr-- that’s it Metacom! After your posts in here, you are now officially on my list of people whose threads will automatically be opened if I see their name. You’re right between Eve and Biggirl, which is good company, you have to admit. I hope you’re happy…[/sup]
Metacom would spend his entire existence in a threeway between Eve and Biggirl.
Or something.
Barnraising IV: The Awakening of Chastity Miller
Did somebody order some snickerdoodles?
-Sex NEVER happens in the dark.
-No one jumps up to run to the bathroom afterward.
-One doesn’t bother with any hygiene ritual beforehand, unless it’s with a hand-held shower.
-One never hears “Owww… you’re on my hair!” or “CRAMP!”
Nobody farts.
Excepting, of course, some Japanese fetishists.
Maybe once in 1960.
…for twenty minutes.
Ow.
Have you SEEN amateur sites? Hilarious. Including falling off the bed, smashing their head and on. Funniest stuff I get to see.
Inky
Sorry for the double post, but there is a woman who advertises as a Mistress where one of her main session offerings is farting on command on the patron’s face, in their mouth, etc.
Wild. Kinda made me sick, but she seems to do well. Even had hr own line of videos. Can’t find the link. Will keep looking.
Inky
*why do I know these things???
I still wouldn’t get laid.
I’d never have to wear underwear again.
Why do you have to wear any now? No one’s forcing you to.
I don’t know about Pizza Delivery Man being a desirable job.
You HAVE to have sex to EVERYONE you deliver to on your shift.
EVERYONE.
Well, I guess if life was more like porn people would be more attractive. (sort of)
If delivering pizzas doesn’t work for you, you can always try cleaning swimming pools instead. It’s an excuse to wear a Speedo on camera, at least.