Because if real life were more like porn, chafing would be non-existent.
I just got the biggest kick out of this! 
If real life was like porn, my name would be Dick Steel, or Harry Balzac.
All conversations would be stilted and meaningless.
Bill Clinton wouldn’t’ve been impeached.
The commercials would be a lot more interesting.
Viagra would be like Flintstones chewables.
No one would ever get any work done. Especially after hours or “on-the-road.”
I would be a lot closer to my neighbors. Wives.
I’d still be sitting in the corner of the bedroom masturbating. But at least there’d be a threesome on the bed I could watch.
My wife wouldn’t burst out laughing every time I said, “Oh yeah, baby - take it! take it all!”
You mean like this?
Amusing, but NOT work-safe!
Especially for those of us who work at Legoland.
And if real life were more like GAY porn, my six pack abs and XXX large overstuffed jock would look great, but unfortunately, I would not be able to say much other than “dude” and “yeah”. Philosophical discussions would be limited.
Still, I would always have work with my buddies in construction, military and law enforcement.
Throw in an Indian and a biker and you’ve got the Village People.
If real life were simulataneously like gay porn and straight porn, would it be the equivalent of matter and anti-matter colliding?
There is a black hole joke that could be inserted here…
Women would be skilled in ventriloquism (ventrilogasm?), so they could speak during fellatio, while the camera was on the other guy boinking her.
Heh, you said “inserted.”
Actually I think all delivery pizza places would go broke.
Manager: Where is the money?
Delivery boy: Well, ummmm
Manger: You gave them pizzas for sex AGAIN!
Actually there would be no currency. All items would be obtain by having sex with someone.
Manager: You know what you have to do now…
{Cue music}
Porn would then be like real life?
A bit more flushing out and that could be turned into a major book deal.
Cigarettes, would never actually burnout and they would make breath minty sweet and teeth pearly white.
No male would ever have to worry about pubic hair, or any body hair really.
Every pick up line would work.
“my lady your dress… it’s made of fabric”
“Oh take me here, now in front of god and everyone”
and nobody would actually care
All frumpy, overweight 65 year-old librarians would remove their glasses and suddenly look exactly like Jessica Alba, except hotter. In addition, they would demand satisfaction.
Right here.
Right now.
Over the Reference Desk.
Anally.