My girlfriend of about two months and I have been very close friends for almost two years.
We have found that our relationship appears to be rather lacking in “passion”, whatever that means. Some weeks we have sex three or four or five times, other weeks maybe once. But it’s not just about sex. Often, we just feel like friends rather than lovers. But we do love each other dearly.
What is the passion in your romantic relationship? How do you maintain it? Can a couple “build” passion into a relationship, so long as there is love?
Another vote for “passion is fun but it doesn’t last.” Strong friendship and commonalities cement a lasting relationship. Passion, to me, goes with the excitement and nervousness of something new. That just can’t be sustained. And would you really want it to since part of what creates (physical) passion is the nervousness and uncertainty of not knowing whether it’s going to happen or not? I can’t take that kind of stress all the time.
This is just my experience, YMMV and all that, but I really have found that there’s so much that’s more important than passion.
It sounds to me like you are friends, who happen to be occasional lovers. That’s completely acceptable, of course, as long as you’re both happy with it.
For me, Passion is all-consuming. It’s not being able to keep your hands to yourself. It’s being constantly distracted by thoughts of him, by memories of touches I can still feel. It’s being willing to do anything, go anywhere, and be anyone if it means some more time can be spent together. I’ve only experienced this once in my life, and it was a dreadfully unhealthy relationship that I’m still recovering from. Nonetheless, I have used it as a guage for all subsequent relationships because it was so damn exciting. Perhaps some folks can temper the passion so that they’re not overwhelmed by it, but I’m not one of them apparently.
I’ve only had it once before as well, only I was pretty severely burned from it and now I’d rather not have it. Passion makes you blind. Relationships in the real world have to be sensible.
Passion is what makes a relationship special in the beginning. It makes the two of you want to be together. But, as with everything, it has to diminish over time. Can you imagine if it was like that all the time, with the uncertainty and insecurity? Over time, it mellows out into a solid, comfortable friendship. Or it should, IMHO. My wife is my best friend in ways that nobody has ever been. I’d rather have that sense that everything is all right, and where we ejnoy each other’s company and our silences are comfortable. I’d take that over hot-or-cold passion anyday.
I think people are often damaged by unrealistic expectations in relationships. Hollywood has led us to believe that true love means endless passion, excitement and romance. With this misconception, no wonder some people are unhappy when they realize that monogamy often means spending the weekend fixing the garbage disposal, and not jetting off for a candle-light dinner and “Dear Penthouse” style sex.
People compare good, stable relationships with what fiction has told them and find their lives lacking when actually, they have it better than they know. They spend their lives bouncing from relationship to relationship, never finding what they’re looking for because all lasting relationships eventually mellow into warm stability.
It’s always bemused me when talking to other women about what they want in a man. They’ll say things like, “I want an exciting, impulsive man who’s also stable and dependable.” I’ve come to the conclusion that many don’t really know what they want-- they’re just parroting what they’ve been told they should want.
I used to be married, and it was totally lacking in passion. We were good friends, and I loved him as a friend, but in the end I didn’t love him enough. We were good friends and we had a lot of fun together, but I always felt like there was always something missing.
I’d be happy with a combination of passion and friendship. A little from column A, and a little from column B.
