Another vote for “you’re being too vague.” If you want suggestions on how to change your parents’ behavior, you need to give us some specifics on how you want them to behave.
It sounds like you may have some unrealistic expectations, either about how a grandparent is supposed to act or how your parents are supposed to act as grandparents. And, truthfully, your parents may have misunderstood their ability to handle young children.
My recommendation would be to just set up childcare next time and, when childcare isn’t available, spend time together as a family. I think it’s a lot to expect - from either party (your side or your mom’s) - that it would be easy for your parents to fall into the type of role you seem to be expecting when they’ve, I assume, never been alone with your kids before. Plus, you knew your step-dad didn’t like children to begin with. I imagine that whatever it was your kids were doing caused conflict not just between the kids and your mom & step-dad, but also between your mom and step-dad themselves. That’s an uncomfortable spot to be in.
For what it’s worth, my mom sounds a lot like yours. She has these golden expectations of how she’ll be with her grandchildren. Sometimes she offers to watch the kids, but I always take that with a grain of salt because when she visits us or we visit her, we exhaust her even though I’ve never left her alone with both of them. Their energy is simply too much for her, so she generally rescinds the offer.
My mother was nutso. There is no way I would have ever left my kids with her for any amount of time. They did get left with their grandfather once, and he very irresponsibly let one of them wander off (kid was 3 at the time).
So it wasn’t discipline, but no, we did not leave our kids alone with their grandparents. Ever, in one case, and ever again, in another.
We did let them visit and took them there, we just didn’t leave them with the old folks unsupervised. It was a matter of protecting our children, not disciplining our parents because, let’s face it, they were pretty old. Maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks, but we weren’t inclined to let them practice their tricks on OUR children.
Also, like doreen said, you don’t “shift roles” with your parents. You have an adult relationship with them, and you take care of them if they need it, but unless they are absolutely and entirely off the reservation (in which case they likely need more care than you can provide) you don’t get to treat them like children, and you certainly don’t “discipline” them.
I’m admittedly nowhere near that place, my parents are only 60. My dad is in that place right now, and his mother makes him absolutely mental. He runs her errands, he makes sure the bills get paid, and he listens to her repeat herself incessantly with all the patience he can muster, because that’s his job. I’d guess it never entered his mind that he should be trying to force her into new behaviors at this late stage.
Some grandparents are natural babysitters, and some are not. Some are better with the kids when they are babies, and some are better when they are older. The fact that these grandparents live so far away could also be a big factor…they don’t know your kids well and your kids don’t know them well.
I know people who have become grandparents and have told their kids straight out that they will not babysit. Visits are great, but babysitting is just not fun for them.
I would say that you not ask them to babysit again, and that you politely decline any offers for them to babysit (if they make any, and it would surprise me if they did after this.) When they visit, take some vacation time so that you can all be together, or leave the kids with their regular babysitter during the day and visit in the evening.
Perhaps it would be more helpful if you thought about introducing your children to self discipline rather then thinking of ways to punish, sorry discipline your parents, for divorcing when you were fifteen.
Whoops did it again.
I of course meant not doing a good enough job of baby sitting .
I realise that your parents no doubt had to discipline you as a child, but that doesn’t mean that its your TURN now.
The children do NOT discipline their parents, not now not ever.
If they were bad parents then you stay away from them, if they suffer from dementia then they need proffessional help.
Either way YOU do not punish them.
The restriction is what is necessary. If your parents are causing problems, don’t expose your family to those problems. There is a reason that you live thousands of miles away from them.
It says right in his location field that he was exiled. 