The thread immediately before this one?
Vaginal Discharge.
Right after?
Plastic Testicle Update
It don’t get much better than that.
Anal, you had me laughing my ass off, out, umm…you ought to hone that talent of yours and charge for it. Very funny. I couldn’t catch my breath there for a couple of minutes.
God, lieu, I am still wheezing with laughter…
Ok, before I begin, I’d just like to let you all know, one of my big fears is crapping in a public restroom, especially school. Also, not too long ago I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome…PMS eat your heart out. So anyways, my stomach will randomly cramp up like you wouldnt believe whenever I get stressed. Oh yea, and also, I’m REALLY lactose intolerant. even Lactaid milk does me in.
Anyways, to the story, I was at school this last week, and right before we got out for lunch, I got an attack. it was probobly because I had lactaid milk the day before (and actually thought I could get away with it). So here I am in HUGE pain, clenching my butt as not to let one fly in class. Well, I made it to Lunch…but then I realised…I was going to HAVE to crap at school or I would bust.
sidebar…because I have never liked crapping in public places, I have gained the ability to crap, wipe, and be done in litterally less than 30 seconds.
Anyways, so about 30 minutes into Lunch, I’m pacing the school hallways looking for a bathroom with nobody in it. Finally I find one, run into a stall, and set up some toilet paper on the seat. I swear it was liquid. after about 30 seconds when I finished, Problem A. struck. HOLY CRAP it smelled worse than anything I’d smelled before. So, I go faster. Then…Problem B arises…my fear. 2 guys walk in.
“Oh no…!” says the first.
“What are you talking about?..MAN! Oh jeez! that CANT be good”
“Man, I feel sorry for that guy”
“Holy Crap that smells BAD”
needless to say, they decided to go to another bathroom it smelled so bad. I finished, and ran out, and diddnt get caught. That bathroom reeked though. I HATE crapping at public places…
I swear to god My poop has been blue. Not just a slight shade of blue but SUPER BLUE!!!
I had one too many blue snoe cones.
However on the fart subject…
I ripped one so loud & so violent that my cat,who had been on the foot of my bed at the time, Lept 2 feet in the air & bolted out of my room & would not come back in for 3 days…
My grandmother had a little terrier, which in its dotage had a nasty habit of emitting nauseating, necrotic, house clearing odours.
My uncle’s solution was to take it for walks, in the countryside, miles from home, without a leash.
Unfortunately, it was a close knit community, so after a day or so someone would return the dog to them, often with the comment, “Good god, what’s the matter with this thing!”
What is the strangest thing I’ve ever had come out of my ass? Oh,that’s easy.
The Philadelphia Eagles 1978 Defensive Line.
What’s that?? Ooooooooooh,OUT of my ass? Never mind. 
worse smell?
I think I covered that already a year or so ago here:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=34045
Aso for actual objects?
When I was 10 I ate a large bag of sunflower seeds shell and all. The next day it felt as if I were crapping glass.
Very Very painful to pass cracked sunflower seed shells.
That settles it. I’m never having kids.
HEE!
Okay… the way you actually gave the approximate measurements of your accomplishment still has me cracking up! You make it sound like you’re the foreman at a factory!
lol Thank you, I’m glad you and SlickUSA got such a perverse thrill out of my post. It’s very gratifying to me as someone with gas. And a writer, too, I guess.
Bonus points for me, because I start page one and, now, page two.
Boy there are some posters here.
I can make a stool that almost goes around the entire circumference of the toilet bowl. That’s about four feet. Funny thing, it doesn’t hurt at all.
Then, sometimes I get what has been famously referred to as Wolf ass. You know, the stool that hurts so much that you have to howl.
Oh, length doesn’t bother me at all. My wife once told me she shat a turd that was at least a foot long, I told her that was nothing. I’ve done the ‘curl all the way around the bowl’ turd many times. I bet I’ve done some long squiggly skinny ones that would be at least 6 feet long if you could stretch them out.
*“Not so well, Mr. Munson.
Rapunzel in there just took a shit that’s at least six feet long.”
I have a friend that has farts so bad, smelling them will make you vomit. If you ever have the displeasure of walking into an area where he has just taken a dump or farted, it really is like being surrounded by poison gas. The smell will cause your eyes to water, your throat to constrict, you will be overcome by a fit of coughing and you will vomit.
Even he is not impervious to his stench. He has on occasion had to leave one bathroom mid-dump, and finish his dump in the other bathroom because the smell is making him woozy.
I don’t know why, but of all the times I’ve burst out laughing at this thread this is the first time I’ve laughed uncontrollably. That man sounds like a god.
This seems to be a *.sig that would go perfectly with the handle “Anal Scurvy”.
Every time there is a fart/poop thread, I swear to God that I am a grown woman and will NOT laugh at the poop post. I will NOT laugh.
OK, I have tears streaming down my face. I find poop incredibly funny, and I’m not ashamed!
(I have a friend that I can get to practically pee her pants by saying “Uranus”, which is always huge fun)
Zette
How can you not find poop funny?
I was pooping, and although I felt the poop leave my butt, I didn’t hear the “splash down” WTF?
So I raised up a little bit and looked between my legs. The poop was dangling in mid-air by a long black hair, I had short blonde hair at the time.