Could I borrow a chromosome? You seem to have one or two extra.
Your momma’s so fat, her belt size is equator.
Reporter: So, Mr Gandhi, what do you think of Western civilisation?
Gandhi: Why, I think it would be a very good idea…
Here’s a quarter. Go call someone who cares. (Actually it’s 35 cents in my neck of the woods.)
I tend to just call people things like “butthead” and “prick.”
I invented the term “putz boy” for a neighbor I once had. Feel free to use it.
But here are my favorites for those special occasions.
If I was talking to you, I’d be using fewer syllables.
Look you fast talking donker sucker, I’m not interested in anything that might come back out of your mouth.
Goodbye and fuck you very much.
I have a friend that was a little overweight and his favorite hat had this printed on it
“I may be fat, but your ugly, and I can diet”
a couple of my favorites courtesy of the Shawshank Redemption:
fuckstick
bunch of ball washin bastards
others include:
mouthbreather
monkey spunk
and, with no offense to lesbians, Toll Booth Willie’s rant (Adam Sandler on CD):
I’m gonna fuck you and all your fuckin lesbian fish eating friends in front of you fuckin mothers! What do you think of that, assfuck?
Don’t get mouthy, 'cause I’m about to get cocky.
The best part of you ran down your mother’s leg.
Those are two of the more polite ones. I can’t really repeat the rest in mixed company. They’re pretty foul.
You Thimble-Headed Gherkin!
That, and the classic
Go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
Monty P
Why don’t you run outside and play Hide-and-Go-Fuck-Yourself.
So, you thought you could out-clever us French folk with your silly, knees-bent, running about, advancing behaviour. I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of second-hand electric donkey bottom biters.
– Monty Python and the Holy Grail, used during a game of Risk when I successfully defended France
May bloody piles torment you
May corns grow on your feet
May crabs as big as turtles
Crawl up your ass and eat
And when you’re old and feeble
And become a nervous wreck
I hope your head falls through your ass
And breaks your fucking neck.
– Maclean & Maclean
“Are you normal?” (nobody ever answers no)
“There’s a blue light special in the clue department.”
“Does your entre family have double digit IQ’s, or is it just you?”
“How’s the weather on your native planet?”
“You must’ve gotten straight A’s in Asshole 101.”
(borrowed from Daria: “I’d talk to you…four hours into a kegger!”
“You’re the perfect candidate for natural selection.” (although some maintain that one doesn’t make sense, I don’t care)
If I’m really angry, I combine profanities.
You Fuckass.
Stupid cuntshit.
If I’m near gasket blowing anger, I put on my fight face. That usually ends the situation.