What kind of people hump furniture?

What kind of people hump furniture? Plumbers? Accountants? Registered Nurses? Interns? Do you think they dim the lights, put on some Barry White, maybe burn some incense and have a glass of wine on the table nearby? Or maybe just drag the Lay-Z-Boy into the closet for a quickie.

I myself, having never conciously humped furniture, wonder about this. What kind of parts do they go after? Do guys go for the gap between cousions maybe, sort of like a pseudo-vagina? What about women? Do they straddle an arm handle?

On a website which featured bizarre and gross videos, I happened to see a hidden/security camera footage of a woman opening a door, grabbing the top of the door and sort of hanging there, then humping the side of the door for all she was worth. This made me somewhat curious as to what other kinds of furniture women were defacing.

My seventh grade science teacher humped the tables while he lectured.

He also passed out Red Lobster bibs while we were dissecting crayfish.

I for one have nothing to add, but am looking forward to hearing more on this interesting subject.

You’ve heard of furries? You’ve endtered the dark realm of ultrasuedeys.

My sixth-grade English teacher was exactly the right height for making… uh… “contact” with the corners of our desks. And she did it constantly, when collecting homework, checking assignments, handing out tests - any time she needed to be at a student’s desk, one of the front corners got buried in her crotch.

Dammit, where’s the LINK??

I don’t know *who * these people are, but if you can tell me where they are, I’m going to make myself a kitchen table disguise.

That cracked me up :stuck_out_tongue:

Sorry, no link :frowning: even if I had it, it would be NSFW.

This gives a whole ghastly new meaning to “laying the table”.

I am with SandyHook. I don’t have a thing to add but I too am fascintated with any kind of furniture defacement…

There should also be a mandatory link to this site (may be not work safe if you work in a reallly strict place).

I suppose there was some furniture in Soyalent Green I might have liked to hump.

Errr…I’m not sure if this is me having a more dirty mind than you do, or a less one (although it’s pretty unusual for me to have a less dirty one…) but, c’mon. Are we really taking about folks with interior decorating fetishes, or just those looking to masturbate with whatever large inanimate object it’s convinent to rub up against? The latter being perfectly normal…ummm…right?

Here’s a joke for you. Sanitized for IMHO.

A husband comes home hot and horny as hell. Grabs his wife, throws her up against the door, and screws her rotten. After he’s finished, he gets off her and noticed she’s still squirming, moving around, etc.
He says, “Honey, what’s wrong, didn’t you get enough?”
She says, “It’s not that, I’m just trying to get the doorknob out of my butthole.”


Very odd. My seventh grade science teacher did exactly the same thing. I regret that it seemed awfully funny at the time to cover the sides of the tables with chalk dust. It left a lovely streak across his pants, day in and day out.

While my teacher didn’t pass out Red Lobster bibs, he was curiously obsessed with rolling rulers.

He said he used them for orienteering…

That depends. What kind of furniture are you? :smiley:

The kind that humps people :smiley:

What counts as “furniture?” What about pillows and detachable shower-heads.

Uh, not that I do that. Or something.


Anyone with a love seat.

bedposts may be very popular.

Well, rocking chair, perhaps you could shed some light on this topic. In fact, I’d suspect you could chair this discussion. Or maybe you’re under legal age…I have no idea. Or perhaps you have some weird hang-ups and are totally off your…oh, this pun is too dumb and obvious even for me!

That’s good, because if you did, I’d demand photographic proof of such a thing. Ya know, purely for “research” purposes. :wink: