What kind of people hump furniture? Plumbers? Accountants? Registered Nurses? Interns? Do you think they dim the lights, put on some Barry White, maybe burn some incense and have a glass of wine on the table nearby? Or maybe just drag the Lay-Z-Boy into the closet for a quickie.
I myself, having never conciously humped furniture, wonder about this. What kind of parts do they go after? Do guys go for the gap between cousions maybe, sort of like a pseudo-vagina? What about women? Do they straddle an arm handle?
On a website which featured bizarre and gross videos, I happened to see a hidden/security camera footage of a woman opening a door, grabbing the top of the door and sort of hanging there, then humping the side of the door for all she was worth. This made me somewhat curious as to what other kinds of furniture women were defacing.
My sixth-grade English teacher was exactly the right height for making… uh… “contact” with the corners of our desks. And she did it constantly, when collecting homework, checking assignments, handing out tests - any time she needed to be at a student’s desk, one of the front corners got buried in her crotch.
Errr…I’m not sure if this is me having a more dirty mind than you do, or a less one (although it’s pretty unusual for me to have a less dirty one…) but, c’mon. Are we really taking about folks with interior decorating fetishes, or just those looking to masturbate with whatever large inanimate object it’s convinent to rub up against? The latter being perfectly normal…ummm…right?
A husband comes home hot and horny as hell. Grabs his wife, throws her up against the door, and screws her rotten. After he’s finished, he gets off her and noticed she’s still squirming, moving around, etc.
He says, “Honey, what’s wrong, didn’t you get enough?”
She says, “It’s not that, I’m just trying to get the doorknob out of my butthole.”
Very odd. My seventh grade science teacher did exactly the same thing. I regret that it seemed awfully funny at the time to cover the sides of the tables with chalk dust. It left a lovely streak across his pants, day in and day out.
While my teacher didn’t pass out Red Lobster bibs, he was curiously obsessed with rolling rulers.
Well, rocking chair, perhaps you could shed some light on this topic. In fact, I’d suspect you could chair this discussion. Or maybe you’re under legal age…I have no idea. Or perhaps you have some weird hang-ups and are totally off your…oh, this pun is too dumb and obvious even for me!
even if I had it, it would be NSFW.
