No matter what your height, the streak in the windshield will always be exactly at eye level.
Golden Rule of Strategy: Never, ever, under any circumstances, allow a situation to deteriorate into a fair fight.
Any typo is invisible until the email is sent.
(Added from another thread at the recommendation of Dung Beetle):
Any thread title or post that begins with words along the lines of, “Am I evil for finding this funny?” has only one answer:
Yes. Yes, you are evil. I, too, am evil. Let us work together to lower ourselves into hell, in the handbasket that has just appeared before us.
Everything I write has infinitely many errors: no matter how carefully I correct it, there is always at least one more.
If you never normally forget to add attachments to an email, the time when you do so will be the time when your email text does not contain the string “attach”, such that the software therefore does NOT remind you about attachments before letting you send the email.
I believe this is known as the 9/50 rule.
Cardigan’s Law: The shorter the line (grocery check out, bank, traffic light, etc) you choose to get in, the higher the probability some fool in front of you will cause an unforeseen delay.
Re-statement: If you’re in a fair fight, someone screwed up.
Law of Stability: If you push it hard enough, it WILL fall over.
Cf: the Peter Gibbons driving corollary
The louder the car commercial, the cheaper the car (you never see anyone screaming about a DEAL during a Lexus ad.)
My personal motto is Everything in Moderation. The trick is determining what is moderate. One snort of cocaine is too much. Two sips of water in a day is not enough.
Buying a replacement is a sure way to find a lost item.
The Law of Cafe Society Thread Deterioration: There are an enormous number of interesting possible CS threads which will gradually lose their distinctness and deteriorate into “hey, have you ever noticed that in movies and on TV, people always find a parking space, and when they go grocery shopping, there’s always a baguette poking out”
The Law of Oppositional Conflation: When someone takes a position, and a majority of people disagree, and a small minority of those people really vehemently (loudly/abusively/illogically) ddisagree; the original position-holder will tend to conflate the two and react as if a majority of people are really vehemently disagreeing.
and mom will find out!
mc
Well known to the low animal cunning of house cats.
Modern update or corollary:
the more stridently a “news” program insists that it is “fair and balanced,” or “factually accurate,” the more wildly biased it is.
It comes in, it must go out.
Objects gain mass once removed from their original box.
Astorian’s Besides Theorem (which comes with Astorian’s Anyway Corollary and Astorian’s Ty Cobb Was a Racist Law).
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Astorian’s Besides Theorem holds that, when used in an argument, the word Besides means “Everything I just said was bullshit.”
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The Anyway Corollary holds that more often than not, a “besides” statement will be followed by Ann “Anyway” statement that is incompatible with both the original statement and the Besides statement.
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The Ty Cobb Law says that when the Anyway statement fails to convert the onlooker, the arguer will slander someone widely seen as a hero.
Example:
“There is no proof that Pete Rose bet on baseball. Besides, he only bet on the Reds to win. Anyway, what’s wrong with gambling? And hey, Ty Cobb was a racist, which is much worse than gambling.”
The Ten Percent Rule: No matter how extreme or insane the position, there’s almost always somewhere around 10% of the population that will support it.
If anyone besides yourself cooked it, it’s gonna need salt.