Costco’s law of Demand and Supply:
If my child declares they like and want a specific food item, so I then buy it in quantity, they will all of a sudden decide they hate it.
I’m certain there’s a name for the principle that nothing ever fits back in its original container, but my Google-fu is offline.
The dog did it!
Law of Diminishing Diversity: after a certain threshold, the length of a thread is inversely proportional to the number of posters contributing to it.
Costco is at least known for their generous return policy.
Stupid Law: You cannot fix stupid.
The “Yeah, butts” Law: Every day of your life, you will run into someone who gives you an explanation for their actions that boils down to “Yeah, but the rule (or law) doesn’t apply to MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…” I call them the “Yeah, butts,” because they are assholes.
I’ve tried, but they keep making me take the kids back home.
The degree to which one understands the true nature of a given situation is proportional to the degree to which they are aware of the flow and distribution of the money involved.
Jackmannii’s First Law of Dining Out states that the loudest and worst-behaved table at the restaurant takes the longest to finish up and depart.*
*a corollary to this Law is that the person at the adjoining table with the loudest and most gratingly annoying voice talks the most of anyone in the dining party.
Anyone who says “Are you calling me a liar?”, is a liar. And a bad one.
The closer a lie is to the truth, the better the lie. The truth is the best lie of all.
Clothahump’s Law: if they start advertising a movie more than three months before the release date, it won’t be good. More than six months, it’s gonna suck like a Hoover on steroids.
An unsealed container will tip over.
Never put an empty can in your pocket or bag. No matter how snugly or securely positioned it is, it will rotate to face upside-down. And no matter how much effort you put into getting out the very last drop, it will immediately disgorge enough fluid to thoroughly soak everything.
Observed while cycling:
Drivers are completely oblivious to other vehicles on the road.
Cyclists are completely oblivious to traffic safety.
Pedestrians are completely oblivious to their own self-preservation.
A vehicle that suddenly pulls onto a busy street without paying attention will suddenly pull off it in the same manner within the next 2 blocks. Don’t try to pass them. (the “I’ll just be a moment” rule)
The most dangerous person on the road is the one who doesn’t know where they’re going, but needs to be there NOW.
Hmm doesn’t really work for me. It would have been odd for me to not say I love you before I got married.
Iggy’s law of workplace chaos states that the number, seriousness, and urgency of incoming 9-1-1 calls is in inverse proportion to the number of staff on duty.
Fully staff the call center for a Friday night shift and nothing will happen. But the moment on a random Tuesday afternoon when one staff member is on lunch break and another makes a quick trip to the bathroom will be the time when all hell breaks loose.
MacSpon’s Laws:
When preparing to do anything:
- You have always forgotten something.
- Once you remember what you’d forgotten, the first law still applies.
The quality of a film is inversely proportional to the number of names listed after “Screenplay By…”
By the time someone gets around to saying “To make a long story short…” it is already far too late.
Sailboat’s First Law of Dog Walking: The more interested the dog appears in something on the ground, the more urgent it is that you prevent the dog from actually reaching it. shudder
This is similar to my Dandelion Rule: No matter how many dandelions you uproot, or how many times you go back over the same area, you’ll always spot another one just after you’ve sat down and cracked open a beer.
The excellent part of this is it makes sitting down and cracking open a beer part of the implementation and review process!