What makes a man attractive?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

One thing a lot of guys seem to have a problem with is active listening. In conversations we often tend to get nervous and talk about ourselves, perhaps out of fear of dead silence. Many women hear have mentioned being able to have a good conversation. That doesn’t mean one sided. Ask her probing questions. Listen to the response. See if you can draw out and find a common interest.

Another thing I find in some of my male friends that are less than hugely successful in a woman is that they get fixated on appearance to the detriment of looking for what they really want in a woman. So don’t mope around over why “Suzie Prom Queen” doesn’t see anything in you when there are usually lots of very nice women out there that aren’t going to grace the cover of Maxim anytime soon but have plenty to offer from a companionship stand point. In the long run having someone whose company you enjoy is a heck of a lot more important.

42

Corex is referring to a bit of english moss that has not (wink)had sex inf in over 130 some years.

See here for the lurid details

43

Rent “The Tao of Steve”

44

Wowsers, another Techie on the boards! I hadn’t realized that ronin.

I can’t help you with what a woman finds attractive, simply because even if you have it and flaunt it, Tech is no place to capitalize on it. Just be yourself and go to places where people with interests you find appealing would hang out.

And, if you remain lonely, always remember that Atlanta is the strip club capital of the south.

45

Move to Charleston, SC. The ratio of girls to guys at the College of Charleston is 8:1, I think. (And that includes all the guys from the Citadel.) :smiley:

Ok, so, serious answer?
Be able to carry on a conversation. Learn how to ask questions that will initiate answers, not just “yes” or “no” type, either. And be prepared to answer the same type of questions.

A smile, as corny as it seems, works wonders.

Confidence, confidence, confidence. It bears repeating. Even if you’re nervous as hell, pretend that everything is second nature. And if something goes out of whack, laugh it off. I absolutely love it when a guy can laugh at himself. It makes you more human, and friendly. And eventually you’ll find that you won’t have to fake being confident any more.

Be honest. Don’t try to impress a girl by telling her your fabulous stories of summers in Spain and winters in Switzerland, unless you really had those adventures. It’ll come back to bite you in the ass.

Be yourself. Most girls I know don’t like guys who can’t be themselves. If you seem to be uncomfortable around other people, it’s going to make them uncomfortable, too.

Good luck!

46

I recommend Contra Dancing…

No, really. It’s a simple thing to learn [like square dancing, it gives you the instructions as you go] and quite aerobic. It also tends to be woman intensive. Perhaps more importantly, it shows you have enough self esteem to do something that seems [okay, is] dorky. My fiancee walked up to me out of 400 dancers 9 months ago and asked me to dance…and we’re getting married in 6 months. If you don’t find someone, then you’ll at least get some exercise, and later, on another dance floor, you will have developed enother coordination to potentially look like you can dance [a skill that sadly, many men lack…]

As far as what makes him a keeper once you have one – I had food poisoning on Tuesday and was totally unpleasant all day. He took the day off, took care of me, and made me toast and tea and all sorts of good things. He sat with me and watched movies [and he doesn’t do television]and listened to me whine about my stomach. He told me that he thought I was beautiful when I felt absolutely miserable.
And he’s always “being himself”. Maybe you just haven’t met the right one yet? :slight_smile:

47

Women really like men who wear sheer lingerie and walk around quacking like a duck.

They do! Trust me!

Nothing like sabotaging the competition! Bwah-hah-hah!

48

Skerri has made a suggestion that bears repeating: ask questions, listen to the answers, and ask more questions. You can learn a lot that way.

Also, find out where the students from Emory, Agnes Scott, Georgia State, etc. are hanging out and go there. You’ll meet a lot more girls that way. Oh, and don’t forget Bauder Fashion College :D.

And be nice to your older brother. Women adore that.

49

but dont women get bored of answering questions all the time?

and what exactly is a deep thought provoking question?

goes back to furiously writing down everything in this thread

50

I personally find it very attractive when a guy bumps an old thread. :wink:

One thing that’s been barely touched on in this thread:

You should dress well!

There’s a guy on this board who has complained about his lack of success with women. But thinking back to the time when I met him at a dopefest, I can’t say I’m surprised. He was wearing a ratty old t-shirt, horrid broken-down old sneakers, and I think he was actually wearing sweatpants. Also, his hair was very greasy and his glasses were very out of style. If that’s what he wears to a party, I assume he dresses the same or worse on an everyday basis. Now, who would want to walk around holding hands with a guy who looked like that?

It’s not like a guy has to dress like a GQ model, but to be attractive, he has to wear decent, properly fitting clothes. He doesn’t have to be dressed in the latest fashions, but he shouldn’t be dreadfully out of style, either. One of the things that initially attracted me to my husband was his unique style of dress, and I find that is one of the things that keeps me interested. (His look is basically “rugged outdoorsy guy.” And Hawaiian shirts.)

Anyway, dressing well obviously isn’t the most important thing in having a good relationship, but it can go a long way towards getting those first few dates.

51

I like men with these qualities.
Intelligent
I like having an intelligent conversation, so sue me.
Confident
Don’t give me the “Girls don’t like me” whine, I hate that.
Well groomed
Doesn’t have to be a really snappy dresser, but showered, shaved, clean clothes, etc.
Great sense of humour
If he can’t make me laugh, I’m gonna be really bored with him.
Hair
A little shallow, I know, but I love a full head of thick hair.

52

Hey fellow Techie! I graduated from the beloved North Avenue Trade School way back in '99, so I know of what you speak. Even though I’m a woman.

One thing that sucked about my Tech days was this: In spite of being a more than a reasonably attractive female with a great head on her shoulders, I was surrounded by heaps of men who would not ask me out! The male to female ratio was in my favor, but it didn’t make my social life any easier. Maybe the guys didn’t find me pretty enough, maybe I wasn’t their type, maybe all that was on their mind was passing the next EMAG test, or maybe they were just too timid to ask me out. But the fact was, I never found out why most of my Friday nights consisted of me vegging out in front of the TV. Why? Because I was too reserved to ask anyone out!

Techies are notorious for being introverts, and although this isn’t necessarily bad when it comes to studying, it is bad when it comes to hooking up. It wasn’t until I got to vet school that I was really able to “open up” and get out there while the getting was good.

My advice:

  1. Be yourself (always) but try to make yourself stick out in some way. Too many Tech men are nondescript to a fault.

  2. Too many Tech men whine about the ratio as if that is the sole reason for their dating drought. A lot of the time, that’s not true. If you don’t ever ask anyone out or put yourself in situations conducive to meeting women, then the ratio excuse is nothing but a cop-out. Sad but true.

  3. Don’t assume the pretty, brown-skinned girl walking up the path to Skiles is already taken. You may just be surprised to find out that she’s willing to talk to you, and maybe even go to see a movie with you.

  4. Be casual when talking to women. Sometimes it can be weird for a guy who barely knows your name to ask for your phone number.

  5. Try talking to girls in places like the Music Listening room (is that still there?). I used to hang out there in between classes sometimes and it would’ve been cool to have a conversation with a nice guy.

53

I’ve asked a few of my girl friends this, and they all seem to agree, to a certain extent, but I thought I’d ask here as well, just because…

Girls: Do you find boys that don’t seem interested in you more or less attractive?

All three of the friends that I have that are girls have told me that, to an extent they do, but not to overdo it. Opinions?

54

What makes a man attractive…Hmmm.

Confidence is good, but tempered with modesty. I don’t want to hear how wonderful you are, etc, etc, you saved so-in-so, you are a contributor to so-in-so, etc, etc.

Dressing well is nice, but not as nice as a guy who manages to dress appropriately. Guys always seem to have a knack for either being over dressed or too casual.

Once you get that first date, if the service is good at the restaurant, tip well. It says a lot about you.

Good grooming goes without saying.

55

confidence

a nice voice (cadence and accent, not one that will annoy me)

someone who looks happy in his own skin, dresses to please himself and looks good because of it.

someone who flirts back.

(deja vu)

56

I think that, for me, the hygiene thing is way at the top of the list. Clean hair, teeth, fingernails and clothes can go a long way towards that elusive something that makes a man attractive. I’m old. I’ve been attracted to all types of men over the course of my life. I’ve liked and loved them all. Old, young, short, tall, fair, dark, slightly built or men with more cushion for the pushin’. About the only physical quality they’ve all had in common is that they practice good basic hygiene on a daily basis.

I obviously can’t speak for anyone else, but how you’re dressed is a biggie. It doesn’t have to be a brand spankin’ new, straight from Nordstrom’s, cost more than a car payment ensemble with coordinating belt and tassled loafers, either. Clean, with no holes, rips, stains or missing buttons suits me just fine. Sweatpants are OK for loafing around the house, and can be very sexy if they’re actually being sweated in. Sweatpants at a social gathering? C’mon. Unless it’s a basketball or jogging party.

And remember, it’s confidence that women find attractive. Not aggressiveness, not arrogance…confidence. Being willing to do what you feel is the right thing to do in any given situation, AND suffer any consequences that arise from your actions is confidence. Being a braggart and looking for a fight is not. By “consequences” I’m thinking of taking the risk of getting some crap from your buddies for doing nice things for people on a regular basis.

Apathy is a huge turn-off for me. If a man cares absolutely nothing about absolutely everything and everybody, why would I ever think he could ever care about me?

I firmly believe that one cannot love, like or respect others until one can find it in themselves to love, like and respect themselves. Outward appearance, attitude and confidence are what gives me the first clues to know whether or not that type of self-respect exists in a man.

57

Someone in this thread mentioned confidence that comes from competence. I couldn’t agree more. I’ve recently developed a huge crush on a classmate who’s not my standard type physically, because he comes accross as being so in command of the material of his subject, and confident in himself, without being arrogant. I love a good brain on my men. sigh

I also agree with most of what’s been said. I’m also drawn to guys who have their own style, and aren’t just doing everything their buddies are doing. I work out at a gym full of muscleheads and football player types and don’t find any of them attractive, because they don’t seem unique at all.

58

I think a man has to be comfortable in his own skin. And truly pays attention when you speak (and know that your eyes are NOT located in your cleavage!)

59

For me, the number one thing that attracts me to a man is if he’s attracted to me and he shows it (hint: eye contact–good eye contact, not scary eye contact. Sorry I can’t be more specific. But, hopefully, you know what I mean.) I love it when a guy flirts with me and really listens to (and remembers) the things I share with him. There’s nothing quite so intoxicating to me as a guy who treats me like I’m a totally enchanting, irresistable princess. (But a princess who could kick his ass, if necessary.) :smiley:

60

Let me look again just to make sure … :smiley:

From the male perspective I tend to agree that women seem to like

  • confidence
  • proper dressing
  • intelligence
  • humour
    It’s not that I’m all these things, certainly not all together and at the same time. However, if I may interject my male take on these, for a man to fullfill all this is not so easy.

With respect to dressing, one of my minor ephiphanies was when I noticed a girl looking at my face, apparently with some interest, then moving south and showing distinct disapproval. I’m quite slender, it had to be my admittedly sloppy dressing (typical geek outfit). Those kind of experiences help to keep us men in line. :slight_smile: That said, it is hard to find out what constitutes dressing well. Girls don’t seem to know that men usually do not speak among themselves about clothes and thereby every man has to find it out for himself. Girls on the other hand are very keen on criticizing each others clothes, with the side-effect that they quickly learn how to dress. I guess men are silent about this to foil the competition.

With respect to humour, that is something that for men is harder to use properly. It is difficult to be humourous if you’re not relaxed, which you are not easily when you’re talking to a stranger. I suspect girls have it easier since they oftentimes can wait for the guy to make a move, then have a reply handy. That, or girls are simply more gifted with humour.

For confidence it is the same thing as with humour: you have to relax to be confident, but you have to be confident to relax. It helps if you feel attractive (proper dressing, just having received a compliment). Maybe the speaking-in-the-mirror trick does help; I’ve never tried it.

The problem with intelligence is that I find I may make stupid-sounding comments. It requires a very intelligent listener to notice the underlying striking brilliance of my remarks. If I’m on a roll, however, appearing intelligent does come naturally. :smiley:

I guess there are men who can fulfill those four requirements at will. For us mere mortals it is rather a lot of hard work with varying results at different moments.
And ICP9991, with respect to questions and listening, I’ve found that it helps to try to tone down your own ego a bit, thereby giving her personality more room. Don’t try to show off how much you know, but try to provide a complimentary comment that shows the depth of her own possibly casual remark on some subject. You may directly inquire about things of her personal life, but be careful not to thread on something too intimate. And back off immediately when you notice they do not want to talk about it. There is a fine but distinct line between interest and respect.

If you are really interested in a person, you should not have a problem to come up with questions: you want to know things that complement your image of her as a whole person, such as her family, interests etc. You should not only ask for facts, but also for motivation: why do you like X, what is it that you find amusing in X. Thereby you may actually learn a lot of another person. Then if it doesn’t work out romantically, you may still have found yourself another friend.

On the other hand, you should have some subjects (or anecdotes/stories) on which to speak off the cuff for when there is a lull in the conversation. What I’ve noticed is that if you are really enthousiastic about something, a lot of girls like to listen to that, even if they do not care about the particular subject. I guess it is a certain passion in things.

And above all, you should strive to be sincere in whatever you say or ask.

I should add that I’m still single, though I hope not for too long (don’t ask, I don’t want to jinx it). That’s what all these insights have brought me. :stuck_out_tongue: