What makes an alcoholic?

In My Humble Opinion
41

[QUOTE=Der Trihs]
I’d say the inability to stop drinking if you choose. If you can slow down/give up but don’t, and it negatively affects your life, you aren’t an alcoholic; you’re foolishly self indulgent. The difference being that it’s not alcohol that’s the problem but poor judgement. Of course, telling the difference between someone who really can stop anytime he likes, and between an alcoholic who’s lying about it to himself/you can be hard.
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Man, this guy really talks good sense! I’m gonna have to make a point of tracking what he has to say about other significant issues like, say, US foreign policy. :cool:

I agree with this description completely, and feel the word “alcoholic” is very problematic at best. Also not personally a big fan of AA/12-steps. If it floats your boat, more power to ya.

42

[QUOTE=dmatsch]
I want an answer to this too. I get so stressed out from my job that I find myself having to drink at night just to get to sleep before 3am.

It’s not affecting my work, as I just got “Employee of the Month” for whatever that’s worth. I’m single (dammit!), so I don’t have any relationships that it would affect.
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It never affected my work much either - maybe 10 days off over 10 years? And I never took time off for anything else, ever. It was getting worse, though.

Stopping is harder or easier for different folks. For me, it meant action, actually getting up and doing other stuff. I started disrupting the routine / rut I had gotten into; instead of going straight home after work, I went to the cinema, or the gym. I went to some AA meetings. And I read a LOT about alcoholism, which helped hugely; once you understand it, living with it and containing it becomes more achievable. I found the book ‘A Head Full of Blue’ by Nick Johnstone particularly affecting, because it was about me, basically - young man, happy home life, reasonably successful, drinking crazy amounts for no discernible reason. Quitting, by the way, wasn’t easy as such, but it was a HELL of a lot easier than I thought it would be, and I speak as someone who absolutely dreaded the thought of giving up booze - really, in the same way as I would dread losing a loved one.

I thought my job was the problem too, by the way. It wasn’t! YMMV, as ever.

43

In all seriousness, I find pot a better sleep inducer than alcohol, and as a bonus no liver problems to worry about, no hangover, no addiction, no fights, etc.

44

How to stop:

Make the decision that this is not the life for you.
Make an appointment with your doctor.
Talk to your theapist about how to stop. If your therapist isn’t fully supportive (long story about my sister the alcoholic, currently again having HER drinking interfere with MY life - but I just ignore her calls), switch therapists
Talk to your doctor and your therapist about other ways to treat insomia - in addition to strong sleeping pills (some of which are addictive) there is meditation, meletonin, exercise, biofeedback, visiting a sleep disorder clinic…
Get support from the people around you. Cut out those people who can’t support you (aw, one drink won’t hurt. You are no fun anymore!)
Group accountability (AA, Secular Sobriety, whatever) works for some people - give it a try. If you don’t like the first group, do a little group shopping - you may decide this isn’t for you - and it isn’t absolutely necessary for some people)
Reaffirm step one as often as necessary - minute by minute if necessary.
Don’t drink. At all.

45

Don’t Drink For Today. Stay Sober For Today.

If you can’t do this, Don’t Drink for An Hour. Stay Sober for An Hour.

If that seems impossible, Don’t Drink For The Next Five Minutes.

46

I drink a lot. Not in one setting. I don’t like being drunk, definitely not falling down drunk. I’m certain I am considered a “heavy” drinker. I don’t know if I am an alcoholic, but I am leaning toward no, but I can’t say with certainty.

I drink by myself on occasion, a beer or two with dinner, or a glass of wine or something before bed. I also drink hard liquor (mixes, not straight) and love a good vodka tonic or some vodka/rum in a glass of tea. I have been known to drink when I have a bad day. I even drink, for the most part, every single weekend.

I don’t think I am an alcoholic because I don’t ever feel like I HAVE to drink, I have gone weeks without drinking, and I don’t get mean or anything when I drink (nor do I get mean when I DON’T drink). I also can only drink one or two and stop at that.

I would say there is a fine line between heavy drinking and alcoholism. Not sure anybody that only has one or two beers or a glass or two of wine (standard sizes of course) every day is an alcoholic, but it could probably turn into it pretty quick by slowly increasing volume.

47

Thank you, Boosh.

48

Alcoholic is someone who can’t stop drinking.

Recovering alcoholic is someone who knows better than to start drinking.

And self-delusional is my aunt, who claims that she’s never drunk anything heavier than a glass of white wine in her whole life… and says it in front of her relatives, who’ve seen her completely sloshed way too many times (I’ve helped my cousin put aunt to bed a couple times when we were in our teens and we didn’t even live in the same town, we’d get together about twice a year).

49

[QUOTE=Epimetheus]
I drink a lot. Not in one setting. I don’t like being drunk, definitely not falling down drunk. I’m certain I am considered a “heavy” drinker. I don’t know if I am an alcoholic, but I am leaning toward no, but I can’t say with certainty.

I drink by myself on occasion, a beer or two with dinner, or a glass of wine or something before bed. I also drink hard liquor (mixes, not straight) and love a good vodka tonic or some vodka/rum in a glass of tea. I have been known to drink when I have a bad day. I even drink, for the most part, every single weekend.

I don’t think I am an alcoholic because I don’t ever feel like I HAVE to drink, I have gone weeks without drinking, and I don’t get mean or anything when I drink (nor do I get mean when I DON’T drink). I also can only drink one or two and stop at that.

I would say there is a fine line between heavy drinking and alcoholism. Not sure anybody that only has one or two beers or a glass or two of wine (standard sizes of course) every day is an alcoholic, but it could probably turn into it pretty quick by slowly increasing volume.
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Just to clarify a couple things. Being an alcoholic has less to do with Quantity and more to do with what is in your core when you drink. Your rationale for drinking, and your motivation for having another after another. I know heavy drinkers who are just as fine with a coke on some nights as they are with a pint sized vodka tonic on other nights. A good gauge is go one week without drinking [even if you have a bad day or are stressed or can’t sleep] and see what your body tells you. If you start to writhe in pain and get the shakes a little, you may have an issue. The only person one lies to about their own alcoholism is themselves.

Also, getting mean or angry when drunk has more to say about the person than about the booze. I know plenty of assholes who were assholes before they got sober and were assholes after they got sober. I also know a lot of very nice people who you would never expect to be an alcoholic, see my post up thread, and this little anecdote here:

For instance I know a soccer mom who was hiding vodka in a gatorade bottle marked “MOM”. One day her son picked up the bottle, didn’t see his mothers name written on it and slugged away. You can imagine what happned when mom looked over and saw her son wretching on the soccer field. For her, that is the point when she decied she needed help and sought it out. She has been sober for almost 18months.

50

What exactly are the shakes? I’ve never had them myself, and never experienced them in others. Is it a withdraw symptom? A case of a very bad hangover?

51

Hey, this is a timely thread, as I’ve been thinking about this issue, myself.

I don’t think I’m an alcoholic (I never “need” to drink), but I am a heavy drinker when I drink. I can drink a pint of scotch and just feel nicely buzzed, that’s it. While that’s all macho and lovely, I know it’s not healthy. I also want to lose this emerging gut.

So, believe it or not, starting today, I’m quitting, for a while, at least. I want to see if I can get to the point where I can have the occasional social drink, but that’s it. I don’t think I need to do the “don’t drink, ever” thing, but if after my hiatus, the drinking ramps up, I most definitely will.

I’ve never had any sort of problem with family or work, but I intend for that to never be the case, so I am going to chill for the next few months and see what happens. I much prefer trying to do it this way first than to be forced into a life sentence of abstinence. I am genuinely optimistic of my ability to succeed.

Go, me! :cool:

52

[QUOTE=An Arky]

Go, me! :cool:
[/QUOTE]

I’ll be rooting for you!

I’ve considered making personal goals of not drinking during the week, and I may just do so. I’m also considering giving up Spirits totally. I love mixed drinks, but they tend to have so many calories and loads of sugar. I’m trying to watch my figure. Wine and beer I love too much to give up.

53

[QUOTE=Epimetheus]
What exactly are the shakes? I’ve never had them myself, and never experienced them in others. Is it a withdraw symptom? A case of a very bad hangover?
[/QUOTE]

A withdrawl symptom, and the reason some people need a drink in the morning (or after a period of abstinance). A hangover is another withdrawl symptom of sorts, I guess, but more of an immediate consequence from the previous night’s drinking. Can also be treated with a morning drink.

A guy I used to work with recently drank himself to death. He’d start drinking when he woke up, would drink all day until he went to sleep. Drank vodka, kept a half gallon by his bed to help him get started in the morning. Lost his job due to drinking, got a job tending bar where he could crash in a trailer behind the bar, then his dad died and left him enough money to devote all of his time to drinking. Made it about a year.

As for the OP… A bottle of wine + 10oz of vodka + sleeping pills in the evening? Mercy, that seems like quite a bit, and my liver surely has no love lost on me. Just sayin’.

54

[QUOTE=An Arky]
Hey, this is a timely thread, as I’ve been thinking about this issue, myself.

I don’t think I’m an alcoholic (I never “need” to drink), but I am a heavy drinker when I drink. I can drink a pint of scotch and just feel nicely buzzed, that’s it. While that’s all macho and lovely, I know it’s not healthy. I also want to lose this emerging gut.

So, believe it or not, starting today, I’m quitting, for a while, at least. I want to see if I can get to the point where I can have the occasional social drink, but that’s it. I don’t think I need to do the “don’t drink, ever” thing, but if after my hiatus, the drinking ramps up, I most definitely will.

I’ve never had any sort of problem with family or work, but I intend for that to never be the case, so I am going to chill for the next few months and see what happens. I much prefer trying to do it this way first than to be forced into a life sentence of abstinence. I am genuinely optimistic of my ability to succeed.

Go, me! :cool:
[/QUOTE]

No one intends to become an alcoholic. I remember in college I was drinking alcoholically, and we’d chide each other saying who was the bigger lush…Turns out most of my friend who left college and went onto careers had no problem cutting down and behaving. Then there was little old me…deciding to go straight to grad school and Phd work…I’d drink to fall asleep, drink to celebrate, drink when happy and sad etc…etc… I never intened to have a problem with it until I tried to slow down…that didn’t happen, I found I wanted to drink even when I had no reason to be drinking…“wow that sunset is beautiful…it would be a little bit nicer if I had a buzz on” that kind of thing was going through my mind…

No one expects alcoholism to come to them…and when it does most people don’t recognize it.

55

[QUOTE=Epimetheus]
I’ll be rooting for you!

I’ve considered making personal goals of not drinking during the week, and I may just do so. I’m also considering giving up Spirits totally. I love mixed drinks, but they tend to have so many calories and loads of sugar. I’m trying to watch my figure. Wine and beer I love too much to give up.
[/QUOTE]

Mixing with diet helps cut the calories down.

56

[QUOTE=Phlosphr]
No one intends to become an alcoholic. I remember in college I was drinking alcoholically, and we’d chide each other saying who was the bigger lush…Turns out most of my friend who left college and went onto careers had no problem cutting down and behaving. Then there was little old me…deciding to go straight to grad school and Phd work…I’d drink to fall asleep, drink to celebrate, drink when happy and sad etc…etc… I never intened to have a problem with it until I tried to slow down…that didn’t happen, I found I wanted to drink even when I had no reason to be drinking…“wow that sunset is beautiful…it would be a little bit nicer if I had a buzz on” that kind of thing was going through my mind…

No one expects alcoholism to come to them…and when it does most people don’t recognize it.
[/QUOTE]

A lot of young people in college drink heavily. I went to a big party school and most of the social activities revolved around drinking - frat parties, beer games, bar hopping, etc.

Most of my close friends are “frat guy” types who drink heavily. To this day, I still enjoy hanging out with my friends drinking many beers, drinking margharitas with my girlfriend or what have you.

There is a difference though, between an alchoholic and someone who just enjoys drinking a lot. As a heavy drinker, there comes a time when I say “that’s all for now”. Sometimes I just don’t feel like drinking at all. Generally, though, I can go out for 2 or 3 beers with a friend and that’s it.

Alchoholics seem to lack that “off” switch. I had one high school friend who was always the guy getting shitfaced until he was sick and needed to be taken care of. One of my roomates in college used to get drunk and break things or start fights until finally passing out. These guys have the potential to develop a problem if they don’t have one already.

Also, being a heavy drinker can also lead to alchoholism. You may not have a physical addiction, but you can develop a psychological one. Next thing you know, the ONLY activities you have are drinking and you find yourself doing it a lot more often.

57

My best rule of thumb is: If you end up having to promise people you’ll stop drinking and then you find you can’t, you probably have a problem.

My dad had his ups and downs. He never promised to stop, but he would promise to “do better.”

He never did.

I miss him.

58

[QUOTE=jsgoddess]
My best rule of thumb is: If you end up having to promise people you’ll stop drinking and then you find you can’t, you probably have a problem.

My dad had his ups and downs. He never promised to stop, but he would promise to “do better.”

He never did.

I miss him.
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Unfortunately I’ve heard this all too often.

Alcoholism’s biggest trick is convincing the alcoholic it doesn’t exist.

59

[QUOTE=msmith537]
<snip>

Alchoholics seem to lack that “off” switch. I had one high school friend who was always the guy getting shitfaced until he was sick and needed to be taken care of. One of my roomates in college used to get drunk and break things or start fights until finally passing out. These guys have the potential to develop a problem if they don’t have one already.

.
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I was never that guy who got shitfaced and broke things or got mean or started fights or anything like that. I agree I never had an “off” switch, but I was very much the guy with a great job, plenty of friends, a house, wife etc…etc…It was a voice from my core that told me eventually to stop. Glad I listened, it almost got me.

60

[QUOTE=EmAnJ]
Thank you for the specific help. I don’t drink to the point of getting sh*t faced, but I know that drinking to get to sleep is not the right thing.

I do go to a therapist already, and she’s trying to help. I am a bit leery to take drugs to help, but I guess I’d be no worse off then now.

The biggest thing is my relationship. I don’t want to loose him. I need to stop. But I need to sleep too.

I shall go get another opinion and different help.
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I am a recovering alcoholic at 34 years old. I have never had a DWI even though I drove over the limit literally several thousand times and was even stopped several times during that period. I have no criminal record nor any work reprimands for drinking. At the sad top of my game I ranged from 11 to 30 drinks a day that progressed over time. It was always carefully measured and you give hints to the same thing but maybe in a smaller way.

Alcohol was a self-prescribed drug for me and I always knew the effects of given dose would give for me and kept it rather constant although the “dose” trended upwards over time. Absolutely no one could tell I had been drinking at any given time although prior circumstances built over time suggested that family members check from time to time. I had an incredibly high tolerance to alcohol and would easily appear much more sober at a blood alcohol content of 0.35 than a normal person a 0.1. I have a lab grade breathalyzer and constantly tested myself to see what was happening. Unfortunately, the liver doesn’t care about that aspect.

Others have given great responses and I agree with most all of them. Another tell-tale sign is hiding either the fact that you are drinking at all or hiding the amount. Before my wife knew I was an alcoholic, I had all kinds of schemes. One was to buy a twelve pack of beer and leave it in the fridge. Before she got home, I would buy and drink an actual twelve pack and throw it away. Then, I would drink one beer from the twelve pack in the fridge and leave it on the counter for her to see when she got home. It was a perfect psychological game and she never knew at that point.

I came up with all kinds of psychological schemes like and used them on a daily basis. My mind was always churning about how to drink my self-prescribed amount and have no one be the wiser. I was incredibly good at it and had to pull it off consistently every single day of the year because, in the later stages, I would go into withdrawal. My plans became more and more complex but this is common in alcoholism as it progresses, I felt horrible about the whole thing yet I felt I had to do it.

Doing things like that are almost a guarantee that you are an alcoholic although only you know if you are. Hiding this stuff from everyone is a big sign that you are an alcoholic. Only you know if things are this bad. AA is definitely one of the most pure and altruistic organizations in existence if you decide to go to a meeting and listen. They don’t want to sell you anything, take your money, or do anything in particular. It is just a grass-roots support group that you can drop in and listen to at any given time to hear people’s stories and how they deal with it and there are meetings everywhere.

If you ever need detox and rehab, those aren’t bad either and I have done both. These things tend to progress and, if you feel in your heart that things are heading in the wrong direction, you should address them now because things are only going to get harder.