I always felt that the plot in Gigli was little better than that found in your typical $13000 porno. I have no doubt that if the tender scenes with Affleck, Lopez and co. were full-on explicit rather than merely aspiring-to-be-risque, the movie would’ve had better ratings (as if they could get any lower).
Ditto for True Lies. The soundtrack would’ve been improved using cheap no-license '70s wah pedal elevator music rock, as well.
So…what movies do you think would be better-plotted as porn?
Dangerous Beauty was already pretty good, and was already not exactly a family film, but it would have been the perfect oppurtunity to combine explict sex scenes with drama. It’s about the training and life of a courtesan, of course it’s pertinent to the themes and plot.
Of course, had they tried, they probably would have lost their budget, actors, and probably most of the crew, but hey, a guy can dream.
I started to answer “anything starring Alyson Hannigan,” but I decided to be serious. Besides, her loveliness is too good to be wasted on porn.
Not so much XXX, but the Debra Winger/Theresa Russell flick from the late 80s, Black Widow, would have been better if they’d just admitted and shown that the two lead character really, really, really wanted to get into each other’s pants.
Best two out of four: Bring it On, starring Kirsten Dunst and Eliza Dushku, was basically a porn movie already, all you had to do was find the correct places to insert the sex scenes into. (and how cool would a porn movie with intricate dance scenes be? )
Though the scene with the dance choreographer would interesting, since it starts with the musical number that goes “Prepare for total Domination!” :eek:
Cruel Intentions 2: It already had naked twins making out in the shower, sex scenes would have made it all the better.
StarShip Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation: Sex scenes couldn’t have possibly made it any worse.
Dude, seriously? That’s my favorite Bond parody ever, especially the Goldfinger homage in the opening scene. Way better than the Austin Powers movies, and with more meat than the too-often-limp Flint films.
Lessee: Gone With The Wind would definitely work better as porn. So would The Sound Of Music (though I don’t really want to think about the implications of that.) Pretty Woman definitely would have been improved by the addition of hardcore elements (plus, it wouldn’t be the perennial favorite of young ladies everywhere who are of the opinion that prostitution is a romantic vocation). Berman’s The Seventh Seal could have been easily converted to porn. Essentially any John Grisham movie should be made as porn, not because that would improve it (I daresay nothing could do that) but it would at least detract from the massive plotholes and legal irregularities.
2001: A Space Odyssey and Dr. Strangelove: or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb were already porn in disguise, and wouldn’t really be improved by the addition of hardcore elements. Barry Lyndon, on the other hand, desperately needed more bobbies.
Not as porn, but I think pretty much any Nora Ephram-written alleged romantic comedy would would better as a psycho-stalker thriller. Just give Meg Ryan a hatchet and a clown mask and she could be the most horrific cinematic serial killer ever.
There are two XXX Trek(alternate title: Sex Trek) porn movies done with no budget that actually manage to be absolutely hilarious spoofs of Star Trek (the actors involved are obviously fans), as well as having decent sex scenes in them too… well worth seeing, even if it’s just for the comedy value!
Her Great aunt teaches her how to walk with grace, serve tea, choose cigars, eat ‘tricky’ foods like ortolan, judging jewelry. Basically how to comport oneself in public, dress well and accessorize. Her grandmother basically only gives her very basic advice - behave in public and do what he tells you in bed.
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