What non-physical traits do you find attractive?

[percussion]

@pinkfreud

One thing I’ve always found attractive in a man is a nice, hearty, sincere laugh. Not a bray, not a snicker, not a hoot, but a good, deep, manly sound of amusement. Big turn-on, especially if he’s laughing at something I said with the intent of being funny.

haha, thats rare, someone that apreciates a good laugh, I get heckled for mine!

[Hostile_Dialect]

Not automatically liking popular things/people/fashions only because they’re popular and thinking deeply about the world, but having to stop thinking about the world and watching/reading world news for weeks at a time because it makes her too angry; all these traits combined in the same woman is enough to trigger a pantgasm and a half for me.

Also, she should have a strong dislike for at least a small number of people she hasn’t been romantically or pseudoromantically involved with. It sounds odd, but that’s an indicator of a good personality to me. Maybe not entirely logical.

Being well-read, well-informed and opinionated is pretty much a must, and I would be nonplussed if a girl I dated agreed with me in public when she didn’t actually think I was right.

Another non-physical trait I find important, if not necessarily a direct turn-on, is the ability to make a decision independently. Having a decent job is sexy, especially if it’s in a non-chain store that other students (oh yeah, being currently enrolled in college (I am too, ya perv) or very recently graduated is a must; relaxing that rule recently led to a huge mistake) wouldn’t necessarily think to apply to. Being smart with money is big.

Vehemently insisting that she’s not a feminist is an automatic turnoff. Similarly, taking Fox News seriously, or taking CNN seriously too often, is a turnoff. So is toeing a party line hard, whichever party it is. Watching reality TV for non-ironic pleasure disqualifies her. Being religious is more and more a disqualifier as well.

@Priceguy

Plus a trait that I can only describe as a certain “relaxedness”. That is, to be the kind of person who doesn’t play games in relationships, who doesn’t call 'cause it’s my “turn” to call, that kind of stuff. The kind of person with whom you can have a mature relationship from the get-go without worrying about childish bullshit.

The stuff I mentioned above are my ideals, but this is absolutely necessary IMO. Good call. So many people (men and women) are all about melodramatic bullshit and childish games, here in particular it seems–honestly it pisses me off sometimes. I’ve cut off contact with some friends entirely and permanently because they were obsessed with stupid social games.

@Telperien

A sense of when to joke and when to be serious
Confidence without arrogance
Silliness–I grew up with two silly parents and various other silly relatives. Someone in my family is always doing something wacky and off-the-wall. I’m used to it, I like it, and I do it myself, so an appreciation for this is necessary. Expect and participate in the toothpick duels, by all means.

All very good points, which I totally agree with. Rather maddeningly, I never end up going out with silly girls. I always end up dating really serious ones, and the silly ones always end up in my Friends Zone. The archetypical example in my recent memory was in a senior year (high school) English class when my female friend and I (both on some cocktail of strange drugs at the time, FWIW) disrupted a class writing session by breaking into a spontaneous silliness session: we both grabbed bubble wands (it was a strange classroom), blew bubbles at each other and commenced to point at each other and whine “You! You! YOU!” in a really high-pitched voice at each other. It was quite surreal. I can’t remember having had a legitimately spontaneous moment like that with anyone since. I would kill to date a girl who I could have those moments with regularly.

[Telperien]

@fetus

It was quite surreal. I can’t remember having had a legitimately spontaneous moment like that with anyone since. I would kill to date a girl who I could have those moments with regularly.

Agreed. Does that mean you’re up for toothpick duels?

I often have ended up going out with people who only wanted me to be silly in private. They were horribly embarrassed if I was silly where someone could see me. Sorry, if I embarrass you (and it was doing something as mild as simply laughing out loud–I have what’s been described as an infectious laugh–in a completely appropriate setting), we shouldn’t be together.

[Lama_Pacos]

Positivity. Not all puppies and rainbows, but a woman who has something to say other than why X sucks or why Y is annoying or bitch bitch bitch. I just can’t handle negativity and unrelenting cynicism. Personally, I like the majority of people I meet, and a girl who is similarly disposed is attractive to me. This goes along with a basic underlying empathy for people.

[Hostile_Dialect]

@Telperien

Agreed. Does that mean you’re up for toothpick duels?

New policy: Every first date I have for the rest of my life will be decided by toothpick duels.

@Telperien

I often have ended up going out with people who only wanted me to be silly in private. They were horribly embarrassed if I was silly where someone could see me. Sorry, if I embarrass you (and it was doing something as mild as simply laughing out loud–I have what’s been described as an infectious laugh–in a completely appropriate setting), we shouldn’t be together.

That sounds really weird. Who wouldn’t want to date a girl with an infectious laugh? I would be proud to have her on my arm, but I guess MMV.

[Telperien]

@fetus

New policy: Every first date I have for the rest of my life will be decided by toothpick duels.

Either that, or animal crackers. Toothpicks aren’t as messy, though.

@fetus

That sounds really weird. Who wouldn’t want to date a girl with an infectious laugh? I would be proud to have her on my arm, but I guess MMV.

Sad but true. I don’t get it either, especially as other random people will hear me laugh and compliment me on it.

[CanvasShoes]

@iamthewalrus(:3=

Good dancers.

I spend so much of my social time dancing that I tend not to date people who are bad dancers.

DARN, too bad you live in CA! Can you send some of your fellow men who dance up my way?

[Nava]

1. enjoys discussions
   1b. knows the difference between a discussion and an argument
2. can agree to disagree, has no problem with us having different tastes; is ok both with sometimes separating so each can go do whatever (s)he likes and with sometimes doing something because the other one enjoys it (say, we’re visiting a town: each picks one place he wants to go see and both go to both places; it’s a good way to find things you like but never knew about)
3. knows that when reallity and theory differ, it’s theory that’s wrong
4. doesn’t have to be able to understand my sense of humor (although it’s terribly nice when that happens) but his shouldn’t gross me out (if you like Jackass, please get lost)

[Ender_Will]

Sense of humor. Gettting my odd, psuedo-intellectual, sarcastic humor is a requirement. Being able to laugh at yourself as well. There is probably no more certain way to gain points in my book than an attractive girl who is able to make self deprecating jokes because she did something ridiculuous. However, making jokes about yourself in order to secure compliments is a major negative.

Also, a sense of style. This one is rather odd, because I personally couldn’t give two shits about my clothing. And again, it’s a middle ground. A girl who throws on striped pants and a plaid shirt isn’t going to be automatically DQ’d, but she’ll definitely have to have other things going on, and one who spends hours getting ready…I couldn’t handle that.

[bump]

I’d have to say independence is probably the most attractive non-physical trait to me. Nothing turns me off quicker than desperate women. (which would probably explain my later-than-usual-devirginization) There’s something that just disgusts me (for lack of better description) about women who seem needy or who latch on for dear life. OTOH, give me a woman who has her shit together and owns herself- does what she wants, because she wants to, and I’m a goner.

Along with the above, high self-esteem is another thing that’s attractive. If they don’t like themselves, how do they expect me to like them?

The final thing is a certain quirkiness, or appreciation for the absurd and weird. People that are too serious, or “in-the-box” aren’t attractive to me.

[gigi]

@pinkfreud

One thing I’ve always found attractive in a man is a nice, hearty, sincere laugh. Not a bray, not a snicker, not a hoot, but a good, deep, manly sound of amusement. Big turn-on, especially if he’s laughing at something I said with the intent of being funny.

I love when I can get someone to laugh that special laugh, the one when they are uncontrollably laughing and can’t help it. Or the chuckle when something strikes them just so.

Sense of humor (dry, sarcastic but not at anyone’s expense)
Smart but willing to admit to ignorance and be interested in the answer

[Gail]

warmth
genuine-ness
likes to read
likes at least some of the same music I like (I like lots of different stuff.)
upbeat personality
a higher purpose in life than just to make money or exist.

[ShibbOleth]

@gigi

I love when I can get someone to laugh that special laugh, the one when they are uncontrollably laughing and can’t help it. Or the chuckle when something strikes them just so.

How about when you get them to shoot a beverage out of their nose? Or literally wet their pants?

[D_Odds]

Sarcasm
Intelligent, witty conversation
Confidence

Looks would carry a girl through the first weekend.

[ShibbOleth]

@trublmakr

Charisma.
Take a room full of people, and the most obvious alpha male, the one that everyone is paying attention to, the guy with the strongest personality, that’s the one I’ll take, thanks. A larger-than-life personality to match my own strong personality. To my dismay, I’ve found that a lot of the men that have those traits can also be abusive and/or addicted to something. But I’m still looking.

I’ve known a couple of women who seemed to have guys flock to them like flies. Both were reasonably physically attractive, but I know other women who were probably a lot more attractive that this didn’t happen with. So I studied the second one (having long since lost touch with the first) and compared what she seemed to have in common with what I remembered of the first. Both had the ability, when you were talking with them, to make you feel as if you were the center of the universe. I don’t know how exactly they were able to do this, but this is the one main thing they had in common. Being made to feel that important is a powerful aphrodisiac. I think that this might a feminine opposite of the above, although I can also think of a couple of guys who had this trait who were immensely popular and everyone wanted to just be near them.

[gigi]

@ShibbOleth

How about when you get them to shoot a beverage out of their nose? Or literally wet their pants?

I know they’re The One.

[Wnabtokio]

For me, I’d have to say the top five are:

1. Has to think I’m funny. I know how awful that sounds, but I live to entertain, dammit! If you’re not laughing, I’m not doing what I was put here to do.

2. Has to be funny as well. But not necessarily in the same way. I love being surprised when someone makes a joke that I would never have thought of because they’re coming from somewhere different. It also generally means you’re an intelligent person, which I also love.

3. Has to be extrememly confident, verging on arrogant. I think I can take more arrogance in a relationship than most women can. I think it’s incredibly sexy, but again, you have to not be a jerk. It’s a tough balance.

4. Please be more emotional than me. If you were less, I wouldn’t be able to tell that you liked me. Or were breathing, for that matter.

5. I also like to be taken care of occasionally, but in a secret way so that I can pretend you’re not helping me. Again, it’s ridiculous, but attraction is never sane.

But I have a guy that has all this and more, so apparently it’s achieveable. But if he ever leaves, I’m screwed.

[Beware_of_Doug]

@trublmakr

But it’s not really a concious choice- it’s a primal thing. Oh that I could be attracted to a man based on his brain, or sense of personal style or some such thing, but alas it is not to be.

OK then, you and I are not in the cards. No biggie. But I stand by what I said about manliness. If a woman is constantly judging other men by how closely they conform to stereotype, she’s off my list (plus she’s going to miss out on a lot of great guys).

[Beware_of_Doug]

@Wnabtokio

3. Has to be extrememly confident, verging on arrogant. I think I can take more arrogance in a relationship than most women can. I think it’s incredibly sexy, but again, you have to not be a jerk. It’s a tough balance.

I’m curious as to what you find sexy about it. Are you borderline arrogant yourself? Or just reassured by traditional gender roles - “that’s a man” to you?

[Cyn]

1. Be attracted to me and show evidence
2. Having read books and able to discuss them
3. Even temperment
4. Confidence
   Bonus points
5. Educated dancer
   The first 3 are deal-breakers: I hate shouting and drama and am not one to instigate these. I will listen and discuss and agree to disagree, so I need someone who can focus that long, too.
   And I just love to West Coast Swing and Chacha!