Not just a spouse, but anyone you dated. If you could ask them any one question that they had to answer truthfully, what would it be?
Mine would be “Were you just looking for a summer fling?”
I can’t think of any question where knowing the answer would benefit me in any way.
I would ask them what they loved about me. I’d appreciate being reminded of my good qualities and the person I can be when I’m at my best. And enjoy the ego boost, of course.
“What happened with that necklace?”
A pretty minor question. I dated a girl in college and when we reached a point where I was done but she was still going back for another year, gave her a piece of jewelry that was inexpensive but with sentimental value. She was very touched that I gave it to her. Being apart that year ended the official relationship and then we spent another year or two in a “friends with benefits” situation before it ended for good. I’m mildly curious if she still has it, lost it, threw it away, gave it to someone, etc.
I wouldn’t be upset (or overjoyed) at any of the answers but it’d be interesting to find out. I don’t really have any “Where did we go wrong?”, “Did you ever truly love me?” or “Did you cheat on me with him?” or other such questions for previous partners. Anything like that, I either know the answer already or don’t really care.
There was someone I was going out with a few years ago that I was completely crazy about. She sent me an e-mail that said she had to put dating on hold for a while because her mother was having some health issues. That was pretty much the end of things. I’d ask if she really meant for that to be a break up, and why?
I still see her on Facebook and wish her a happy birthday every year. I suppose I could ask her, but I’m not sure I’d get a straight answer.
“Where did you put my college diploma?”
A replacement would cost $240.
“Will you ever forgive me?”
Do you ever wonder how screwed up our lives would have been if we had actually married each other?
I’d ask, “who are you again?” After being married almost 20 years a lot of my past relationships that seemed so important back then are kind of blurred together.
Yeah, it’s nearly 40 years for me. If I remember who she was I’d go with “Why did you bother going out with me in the first place?”.
I’m in touch, via email, with my first boyfriend. He found me online about 18 or 19 years ago. Way back when, I thought he was the one, tho I may just have been in love with the idea of being in love. He cut me out of his life rather unceremoniously - never really said anything - we just went our separate ways.
Fast-forward 40+ years - he’s been divorced 3 times and widowed once. Three of his 5 kids don’t talk to him. He’s living alone and dating.
The only thing I want to ask him, but I never would, is what the hell were you thinking??? Not to say that his life would have been better with me. In fact, he did me a favor by disappearing - I think my life is better. But I wonder why he did what he did over the years.
I’m pretty sure if I asked, he’d tell me, but it’s none of my business. It’s better that we’re just electronic pen-pals.
I don’t think I would want to ask one.
That said, I have always had a morbid curiosity about who “won” the break up. By that I mean: Who made it back to a state of happiness the quickest. :o
I have a few questions I would like to ask my ex from almost 30 years ago but I would never bother as I know I wouldn’t get an honest answer. Twice in our marriage I suspected her of either cheating or in the beginning phases of starting an affair. The second time I never even approached her but just waited while it ran its course. The first time I approached her and she through a fit and within 1 hour had packed and moved out. 2 days later she was back and it was never mentioned again. I would like to ask her if she was in fact having an affair and if so who was it with.
About 3 years ago I became her caregiver as she has Alzheimer. I do the cooking, administer medications, handle her finances and provide transportation. She is still fairly with it but her memory of the last 10 years or so is very bad and anything knew coming in is gone in minutes. I am realizing that any expectations I had of her 30 years ago were not realistic as she is a borderline sociopath. With the recent death of my partner I decided to give up caring for her as I can no longer tolerate her vicious mouth. I hate to put this on her kids at this time in their lives but I have decided to start looking after myself for a change.
Tell me about your life and what you’ve been doing all these years
Nothing spectacular but I have had a good life. I was able to get involved in hobbies and a nice social structure. My significant other did have a drinking problem but we had some very good times together over the years. I had always acted as a back up to my ex financially and helped her with her car and a few other things but it was more of a few times a year thing rather than a daily or monthly thing.
The slightly odd thing was that she would call me at my shop nearly every morning to check in for about a 5 minute call the entire 29 years we were divorced. We never had what I would call meaningful conversations before or after the divorce it was always just whats going on in your day type stuff. I always felt she deserved better than life handed her because she was such a hard working responsible women and I admired her for this. Yet she also gossiped too much and was constantly embroiled into some kind of feud and she would often look for me to straighten it out.
When I started taking care of her on a regular basis my feelings toward her started changing and I frankly just got to where I couldn’t stand being around her anymore. Not a good strategy to bite that hand that feeds you.
I “won” my breakup the minute she left. It took me a few weeks to realize that, but still.
I’d ask Christine, a woman I lived with for a couple years, why she left. She left while I was away on sheriff’s office business. It has always been my policy, in relationships, to not do that “on again/off again” bullshit. Thus, I never chased a woman after a break up. So, when she left, I just let her go and didn’t demand any answers from her. We didn’t fight. Neither of us was abusive to the other. It was over twenty years ago now and, although I loved her dearly, I’d never consider getting back with her were that even possible. Still, I’d like to know why she left.
“Could you shut the door on your way out?”
I’d probably be risky enough to ask either “do you ever think of me” or “do you regret leaving me”.
The latter would be harder to figure out if it’s truth because sometimes she could and sometimes she wouldn’t, but the first one would be more telling.
“How are you and your kid doing?”
I was engaged to her for, oh, two or three years I think, and participated in the raising of her baby/toddler/kid (who wasn’t mine). I know very clearly why she broke it off - she finally flipped back to being religious after a period of not being (which included wild behavior, bad associates, and a kid with a functionally nonexistent father, all prior to knowing me), at which point I pointed out that I was still atheist and that wasn’t changing - so she called me the literal devil and ended it cold. I saw all this coming years in advance (which is why we hadn’t gotten married yet), and while it wasn’t fun I didn’t really hold it against her much. How could I? I saw the flip coming years in advance, and had always known the outcome that happened would be a possibility.
I’ve lost count of how many years it’s been since then - at least fifteen, perhaps more. I’ve had no contact with either of them. Were I to encounter them again I wouldn’t mind hearing how they were doing. Especially the kid - she was pretty cool, as I recall.