What part of "You fucked up" do you not understand?

The BBQ Pit
1

Alright, this is my first ever topic, and pit rant, so, please be gentle with me.

A little background. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We were both fairly recently out of bad marriages, and bad divorces. His ex-wife is truly a waste of oxygen, for far more reasons than I will go into in this post.

Last week she finally left her on again, off again, live in boyfriend, supposidly for good this time(I can’t even remember how many times she’s left in the past, but given that without him she doesn’t have a car, she wound up right back there within a couple of days). She’s been a major fuck up for years, and caused my boyfriend all sorts of trouble, and grief since well before they split. She’s only managed to fuck her life up even more since then. So now she’s totally screwed, and is desperate in damn near every sense of the word. Here’s where the rant comes in. Here’s basically what transpired on Friday:

On Friday, S was suppose to go to V’s in the afternoon, and cut his hair, on her way to pick up the kids from school. Turns out, she calls him at 5, asking him to pick them up, and says that she’ll get them from him later. She does(amazingly enough - in some ways, her living at her parent’s house again has it’s benefits), and cuts his hair at that time. During the course of cutting his hair, she starts “fishing”.

Fishing for what? You’ll never believe this…fishing to see if she can somehow weazel her way back into V’s life again, NOW. What the fuck? Why in the world would he ever even consider it, for a second? She asks him when he’s moving, laments the facts that “things didn’t work out”, and that they didn’t “try harder”, and, after all the shit that she’s pulled, starting LONG before V and I ever met, she has the gall to say that he, and I, having a baby together, essentially ruined their chances for reconciliation…uh, WHAT!!! Come again? What are you strung out on these days? From what I understand, even after making that comment, she still illuded to the idea that she’d be willing to overlook it, and reconcile. She told him that he “doesn’t have to move to California”, and when he rolled his eyes, and said, “Oh yeah, I guess I should just pay child support to both of you, and stay here, miserable”, she had the nerve to ask him, “Well, who would you rather pay child support to”?

Excuse me, but, what the fuck is your problem, lady? Who died, and made you queen of V’s world? What part of DIVORCE do you not comprehend? Hell, what part of all the shit that you’ve done, to him, to yourself, and to your kids do you not understand? You fucked up, furthermore, you ARE a fuck-up, and have continued to dig yourself a deeper, and deeper grave, since you and V split. YOU did that, not V, and I, having a baby together.

You were the strung out, prescription drug addict, you were the one constantly spending money that you didn’t have, and getting busted for it, you were/are the scam artist who looked/looks for any, and every, opportunity to get money to spend friviously. You were the one who fucked around on V, reconciled, then fucked around on him again, then reconciled again, and then continued to “party hearty”, up until a point where you got yourself into a very bad looking situation, with your sister’s husband, even, and when called on it, YOU are the one who exacted one of the most heinous kinds of revenge, you could. You then tried, again, to reconcile, only that time you weren’t immediately taken back, so what did you do? You went and found yourself another man. You managed all of that before V, and I had even met, toots. From there, it just continues to go down hill…yeah, sure, V, and I, having a baby is what ruined your chances…sure, uh huh, keep dreaming.

Another scam - she fucked up, she knows it, she wants her comfy little world back, at least, until she gets comfy again, out of her parents house, in another car, money in hand, and then what do you suppose she’d do? Yep, that’s sure as hell what she’d do.

Let’s not even take into account the fact that he’s in love with me…oh no, that couldn’t possibly be real, because he loved her…I mean, he married her, afterall, so, even though they’re divorced, she’s all that and a bag of chips, and he should just bow down to her whenever she Goddamn feels like it? Nope, sorry, doesn’t work that way, bitch.

I’m not disposable, and I’m not the reason for your problems. You are responsible for your actions, for the fact that you are penniless, jobless, carless, and living with your parents, not me, and you’re the one who has to live with it, not V.

The sooner he is able to move out here, and get her out of his hair on a near daily basis, the better.

What a seriously pathetic excuse for a human being.

~V

2

Good vent. Sounds fucked up. Why’s she cutting his hair?

So you’re both Vs?

3

No, no… he’s V, she’s VD!

Sorry!

:smiley:

Seriously though, that’s fucked up! Some people never grow up… it’s a shame you’re going to have to deal with her in your life (no matter how distant)!

4

Heh, Astroboy! :smiley:

As for the haircutting thing, there’s not a whole lot to it. He paid for her to go to Cosmetology school, something that she never did put to good use, except to cut the hair of friends, and family. His hair is kind of strange, and she knows how to cut it correctly, it’s free, and it’s something that she uses as a bargaining tool when asking for him to watch the kids during her weeks(a frequent event). Usually she manages to avoid keeping her promises of favors(like picking them up early the following week, if he does it that week, as well as the haircutting thing), but on friday she was stuck having to do it, because she used him to pick the kids up, and had to go get them from him. It’s no big deal really, except that it just makes him have to deal with her a few more minutes than usual every 6 weeks, or so.

No, actually, we aren’t both V’s. My username is short for “V’s Darlin”, but I go ahead and sign with a V, since it is part of my user name. V is my favorite letter, too, so that’s part of the reason I like doing it.

Yeah, she’s a serious fuckwad, it amazes me sometimes to think that my boyfriend ever ended up with her in the first place, but then again, some people think the same thing about me, and my ex-husband. Unfortunately some people make some major changes for the worse, in their lives.

I guess one consolation to having to put up with her is the fact that she does some of the most amazingly stupid things, it can be amusing to watch.

~V

5

this part confuses me:

"She told him that he “doesn’t have to move to California”, and when he rolled his eyes, and said, “Oh yeah, I guess I should just pay child support to both of you, and stay here, miserable”, she had the nerve to ask him, “Well, who would you rather pay child support to”? "

is he saying:

why should I pay child support to both of you AND live here.

or

why should I pay child support to BOTH of you?

I am kind of confused here.

Are those his kids too?
if he moves, what about the kids?

If she is such a fuck up why does she have the kids?!

6

Bad News Baboon, he was be facetious, and saying that just because she said so(as though her opinion had anything to do with his decision), that he should just pay child support to both of us, and stay there, miserable, rather than move to be with the woman that he loves. In which case, he’d only technically be paying child support to her, since he and I would be together. She’s the one who thought there was some reason it was an either/or situation.

Yes, they are his kids, they currently have 50/50 custody(legally, anyway, in reality he has them much more than 50% of the time), because he doesn’t have enough solid evidence to sue for full custody. What it boils down to is that she can’t handle having the kids for more than a few days at a time, but, she doesn’t want to “look bad” in front of others, so the initial agreement with the move will be for her to have them during the school year, and we will have them in summer, and on spring and christmas break, so about 70/25. It will not take long for her to change her mind, and agree to let us have them the majority of the time, and her on breaks(I’d go to Vegas and place an incredibly high bet on this one, that’s how sure of it, I am). At this point, it’s really better for V to do it this way, than to take her to court, and get her completely pissed off, and also risk the chance of having them order he stay in the area(which they can do).

~V

7

Oops, that should read 75/25. I really can do math, honest. :wink:

~V

8

Sounds like the kiddos would be better off with V than ex-V. May I submit a tiny bit of advice? IANAL, but from what I understand…

Mom has custody of kids. Dad pays child support.

Mom meets new rich guy who doesn’t like kids. Mom marries new rich guy, goes off on a year long honeymoon cruise, leaves kids with Dad.

After the honeymoon, Mom is too busy hobnobbing with Eurotrash to take care of kiddos, so Dad continues to raise them.

Now, since Dad has the kids, he stops paying child support to Mom.

Youngest one turns 18, huge party before heading off to college and BAM…Dad gets hit with non-payment of child support and has to pay big bucks to the Mom who did not raise the chidren.

Again, IANAL…but if V pays child support, and he ends up with custody of the kids…make sure the courts know about it!!

Good luck with V and the new baby…do V’s kids like their new sibling?

9

ivylass, you got that right (make sure the courts know). My lawyer advised me that should anything happen to me (such as serious injury which would force me to go on disability, etc.), I should make the ambulance swings by the courthouse first to file the paperwork. He was only half-facetious. Don’t stop paying support until the court says you can stop.

As for the no-move clauses, to the best of my knowledge (IANAL) they will not force you to stay, but will curtail your rights if you move (such as no more joint custody - she’ll get full and you’ll get visitation which, among other things, limits decision-making capability). I’ve read of several cases where custodial parents are also able to break such agreements if the courts believe such arrangement will be an overall benefit to the child.

10

He never intended to not pay child support, he was being facetious regarding paying it to both of us, and living there alone, and miserable. He’d much rather be paying her support, and living here with me, happy.

He’s definitely in touch with the courts, as far as the custody thing is concerned, especially since he pays it through them. When the custody arrangement changes(like I said before, I know for a fact that it will), he’ll definitely be contacting them, and getting it all re-organized. See, that’s another really fucked up aspect of the whole thing. Not only does she not want to “look bad” in front of others, by not having primary custody once he moves, she is more concerned about having the support drastically reduced, than what’s truly in her children’s best interest. Like I said in the OP, she’s a scam artist, and any way to squeeze money is a priority.

I think that he should take her to court, and get primary, if not full custody of the kids, especially now, considering the situation she’s in, but I can’t make him do it. He’s got to try and make the best decisions he can for everyone involved, and at this point, having the custody switch, after the move, be her idea, is the most promising option.

Doesn’t make it any easier to deal with, especially when she pulls shit like she did on Friday, fishing around to see if she can take advantage of him again.

~V

11

Oh, and Ivylass, V’s kids haven’t met their younger brother yet(they’re both girls). I’m going out there next week for a visit, and they’re both incredibly excited about it! My kids absolutely adore their little brother, and I’m sure his will, too. The only thing about it that concerns me is, that once he moves, above and beyond the normal adjustment time for step-siblings, especially considering the fact that up until now, my daughter’s been the only girl, I’m afraid that my daughter is going to be incredibly territorial regarding her little bro. Should be interesting.

~V

12

While IANAL I watched the following scenario unfold with a friend of mine and his deadbeat girlfriend.

  1. No marriage, but they split up and she moves out of state (against his wishes but the court allows it) with two baby girls 1 and 2 years old. He pays child support.

  2. She calls everyday for 3 months and bitches about how hard it is to raise the kids, so he offers to take the eldest to live with him.
    He continues to pay child support.

  3. She continues to call everyday and bitch about what a terror the 1 year old is, so three months later he takes both kids. They agree that she will take them both for the summer and he will have them 9 months in the fall, winter, and spring. Court orders no child support with this deal.

  4. Summer comes around and she shows up 2 weeks late to pick up the kids. 10 days later she calls screaming that she can’t handle the kids. He takes them back.

  5. Now SHE pays child support.

13

Interesting situation, Torus, and one that I wouldn’t be all to suprised to see happen here(although this woman has yet to hold down any job for more than about 3 weeks the entire time I’ve known V). She honestly can’t handle the kids for more than 3 days without calling V, and harrassing him to take them early. The couple of times that she’s had them for two weeks, you’d have thought it’d been 6 mos, how in the hell is she going to handle them for 3-6 mos at a time? Hell, I’d be surprised to see her even last a month in the summertime, once we do have primary custody.

I give her two months, TOPS, after V moves here, before she calls and wants to switch the custody arrangement.

~V

14

I don’t think it matters if she’s got a job now or holds one for very long at a time. The money that she owes just keeps adding up. Any time she gets a job where the income is reported to the IRS FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE the money will be taken out of her paycheck until it is paid off.

Not to give you a hard time, but the haircut thing strikes me as really strange. If this woman is as screwed up as you say she is, why would V want to continue interacting with her for a haircut? Really hard hair to cut? Please. Try a few different barbers until you get one who does it the way you like. If I were you I would insist on it. 12 bucks for a haircut is a small price to pay to avoid having your husband’s ex-wife try to seduce him to leave you and your baby while she’s massaging his scalp.

15

Yeah, I’ll agree that the haircut thing is odd, especially in the context of this thread. It’s hard to explain, and to some degree, I don’t really understand it myself, but I do know that it’s harmless, considering the many other things that she’s done, and tried to do. At least, it was until this last time(keep in mind that she doesn’t actually cut his hair all that often, because she’s the queen of not following through with things she says she’ll do), while she’s definitely fucked up, she’s never said anything in the past to hint around at the idea of a reconciliation. It is obviously a result of the events earlier in the week, with her boyfriend, and the fact that she’s beyond desperate for anything, or anyone to save her. Given that, I am sure that it was the last time she’ll even so much as touch a hair on his head.

~V