To a first approximation, I hate everyone upon first meeting them. The odds are that within the first few minutes, I’ve developed a mental list of a dozen reasons why you’re a real piece of shit. It’s usually mundane stuff like the way you hold your fork or the way you pronounce a certain word.
People usually dig themselves out of their hole eventually by exhibiting their positive qualities, but it takes a lot of effort and self control for me to make it through that initial period.
Yes, internally I’m probably screaming GODDAMN HOLD STILL ALREADY! DIDN’T YOU LEARN HOW TO STAY STILL WHEN YOU WERE FIVE?
I’m sure you have many positive qualities, however, so I would get over this in short order.
In a way, this personality defect of mine is actually a positive. Because everyone starts out on my shit list, nobody gets special treatment and I have a better chance at evaluating people neutrally. It takes away part of the first impressions factor.
I’m able to walk away from people without a backward glance, including family members. Mind you, I can take a lot of crap, but when I decide to throw the fuck-you switch, that’s it. It happened with my brother, and when he died, I didn’t shed a tear, even though he was my childhood hero. I wasn’t close to my parents and didn’t get all weepy when they died. It wasn’t that I disliked them, I just never had an emotional relationship with them. I don’t like small children, and have never doted on a grandchild in my life, even though I have about 12 of them, all told. I wasn’t even all that thrilled with my own children until they reached about 12 years old. Perhaps I’m borderline asocial.
I was young and I sold him something. I said for $20 you can take it and he took it. He was to pay me later and later he acted like he kept forgetting about it and kinda kept blowing it off. It wasn’t a loan but yeah I suppose technically it’s the same thing as loaning someone money.
I guess don’t sell to friends until they have the cash in hand.
I am the same, though I have one hell of a temper once it is triggered - I dragged a couch and dropped it off a third floor balcony on on the way to being an ex boyfriends car, and about 12 years after that my soon to be ex roomie [well, she had some friends come and move her out while I was at work and mrAru was deployed] and she came back to get her purse which she had forgotten [I noticed her purse and hid it, she had gone through my Magic:The Addiction collection and pulled out one of everything, which meant she stole my only[Black Lotus, Ancestral Recall and Moxen cards](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_Nine). <I kept all my cards when not playing in card sleeves, with the first binder one of everything, and the other binders all my multiples, and all my land cards got stored in the larger plastic card boxes. I would build a deck based on what I felt like playing at the time.> She boldly sat on the sofa and claimed she didnt’ steal anything from me, so I pegged a Big Ben alarm clock into the wall next to her head to let her know I was not happy with the situation and wanted everything back - unfortunately for her she had already sold the cards, so I got the money instead. I have also broken the kneecap of an asshole in a bar that wouldn’t take no for an answer when he refused to stop hitting on me. [machinist - I was wearing steel toed sneakers at the time.] Oh, and I did serious damage to all four expensive aftermarket wheels and pirelli ties on a cheating ex-boyfriends car with a common twitchy explosive that is dirt easy to make [though I don’t recommend it if you are not extremely careful and know exactly what you are doing. I was working in a chemical factory at the time. Better living through modern chemistry indeed.]
Kill someone in cold blood? Probably able to. In hot blood, definitely. I took a chunk out of the shoulder of my rapist and turned it over to the police as evidence of who to nail for the crime, along with doing the rape kit and putting up with the bullshit of victim blaming. Though I don’t consider that particularly psychotic, other than telling the cops that they will get him and charge him or I would kill him next time I saw him and I would go to the newspaper with exactly why some asshole was now dead with his cock cut off and shoved up his own ass - I don’t like being told that checking hospital ERs for my rapist wasn’t particularly high on their to do list.
I often have some rather disturbing dreams that I’m quite confident most “normal” people don’t have.
And to make matters worse, I rather enjoy these dreams. Even though I’m the one that is being chased by some sort of malevolent force. It’s like the sensation one gets from riding a roller coaster or something.
I don’t think everyone is super clear on what “psychotic” means.
“Psychotic” means an inability to correctly perceive and/or react to reality. If you are mean or negative or antisocial or you don’t like last-minute changes, those are not psychoses. If you hear voices, see things that aren’t there, cannot speak coherently, or believe your wife is a lizard-alien bent on killing you, that is a psychosis.
I’m “aphobic”. I refuse to fear all the common everyday things that the media and the internet insist that I am supposed to fear. I travel with enough cash on my person to cover all my expenses, even month-long overseas trips. I never lock my door, whether I am in or out. I use the simplest passwords that websites allow. I am not afraid of same-sex marriage, nor Muslim women wearing headscarves, nor canned goods from China or beyond their best-by date. A forecast for a 40% chance or rain does not strike fear in my heart, nor Zika virus, the dread disease of the month. I sit next to a stranger on a bench at the bus stop, and I even drink tapwater… I need to be institutionalized for my own safety.
I am convinced that there is only one consciousness, think that the “me” (and the “you”) is just a neurotic thought process (or illusion), and don’t believe there really is such a thing as a “person” to be found anywhere. To some people this probably makes me crazy. To me, almost everyone else is crazy because they seem convinced they are the thought processes, so they don’t know who they are, and are filled with fear, rage and confusion. But essentially since I believe we are all sharing the same consciousness, I assume this is some elaborate prank that you are playing on me and everyone else. You’re just refusing to admit that you’re God, essentially.
Also have made TNT and silver fulminate. [for certain amounts an old silver dime is perfect, premeasured weight =)] Like I said, unless you are seriously nuts or seriously careful and understand how to work in a lab, don’t make explosives. Though it worked wonderfully. Wrapped it in the filter while wet, placed the rather murky looking lump gently under the leading edge of each tire so he would back over it when he went to leave in the morning, it dried out over night and he made it go boom when he backed over it.