Can of beans, lighter and underwear.
If you’d just buy a smaller size of condoms, they might stay on by themselves.
Good God, there really is an XKCD for every conceivable SD thread! (Is that a new rule of the internet? Rule 34d or Rule 35 or something?)
Anyway, xkcd: Collecting Double-Takes
I don’t know what you have planned for tonight, but leave me out of it …
The ones my friends always joke about are: birthday cake mix, frosting, birthday card, rat poison, and sympathy card.
The mouse-over is even better!
Box of razor blades, bag of apples.
I went into a Meijer’s at 3:00am and asked where they keep the Ouija Boards and bubble juice. I’m not sure what that incriminates me of.
(it was for an upcoming Halloween party. I didn’t purchase though…have you seen the price of Ouija Boards!)
Sleeping pills, duct tape and a Dora-the-Explorer play set?
I’ve told this before, but…
Years ago, as a cashier, I sold a guy three items once - 12-pack of beer, box of cat food, and a jar of Vaseline. Before I could even crack a smile, he said, “It’s not what it looks like!” We both just about pissed laughing…
Joe
My girlfriend and I once bought half a dozen tubes of KY and a big roll of polyethylene sheeting.
Once on Christmas Eve, I found out very abruptly that I had apparently been dragooned into stocking detail, so I ran down to the local 24-hour dépanneur for candy.
While I was there, on that shelf-ful of miscellaneous items that have been there since the Pearson administration, I found some straight razor blades that were just the kind I needed for the scraping tool I use to clean my stove top, and that at the time I didn’t know where to buy. (I’ve since found a 50-pack at the hardware store.)
The girl at the cash didn’t recognize them, and said, “Oh, what are these?”
“Razor blades,” I said, without thinking about it.
She gave me a very weird look, and said, “Merry Christmas.”
I don’t get it?
There is an urban legend that says it’s common for people to commit suicide around the holiday season. In most peoples’ minds, razor blades would be an odd Christmas gift, so the appearance is that the customer is preparing for a private yuletide exsanguination. Thus the sarcastic “Merry Christmas” wish.
To make a long story short, my dog was sick with a MRSA infection so I went to a drugstore to buy a lot of bleach and latex gloves (that I had to wear when handling his medication).
Dude behind the counter looked at my 3 bottles of bleach and 2 boxes of gloves, rang me up and after I paid said “I hope you have fun tonight.” I told him I was planning on having a great time and walked out. Always wondered what he thought I was up to.
I think it’s actually related to the UL about hiding razor blades in the candy at Halloween. Parents in the USA have been using this mem for generations as an excuse when they are caught riffling through the children’s candy. “mmmf, No, honey, I was checking for razor blades! I’m just trying to keep you safe! nom, nom”.
I once saw an elderly lady at Walmart (or maybe Target) buying quite a few bottles of hydrogen peroxide. so many that she’d cleaned them out, and had all the sizes, even the littlest ones. She also had a girlish, secretive little grin on her face. I often think back and wonder what she was up to.
A chain saw, trash bags, and bleach.
Bonus points for duct tape.
It was the wrong kind of candy. Anyway it was pretty clear she was thinking along Joe Frickin Friday’s lines.
Beer bong and goldfish.
Toilet paper and eggs.
Spray paint and plastic bags.
ExLax and brownie mix.
Now had it been Halloween and the poster had been buying razor blades and 5 pounds of apples ------------
Garlic, wooden dowels, silver flatware.
Canned chili, jalapenos, toilet paper, a plunger.
A barbecue spit, an air pistol, and a large bag of birdseed.
I got the thread winner here baby:
KY jelly, a turkey baster, and a home pregnancy test.