This topic was very interesting last year. I think it’s time to review and continue the nutters stories.
Add your stories to this thread.
What recent nut cases have you run across?
I was outside working on the pool, when I heard a crash, and some yelling. I looked over the fence to see my (crazy) neighbor beating the crap out of her son’s computer with a sledgehammer.
The fellow who sued me for a million a few months ago because I was the lawyer for another lawyer who beat him in court has now faxed me with a letter saying he will be suing me for fifteen million for hate crimes. A couple of weeks ago in court he was chastised by the judge for ranting. We’ll be back in court in a couple of weeks to continue an examination in aid of execution of the judgment I have against him, so I’m sure that I have not heard the last of him.
I must have had porn, or said this program has preformed an illegal operation. 
Dernit, Muffin, how can the rest of us hope to compete with that? 
Seriously, hate crimes? Expecting someone to pay his or her bills is a hate crime, now? Coool! I don’t have to pay the power company anymore!
A few months back, I stopped at a local hotel bar after work to have a few beers. An attractive young brunette came in and sat at the bar a couple of seats away from me and ordered a glass of wine. She started asking the bartender where she could find a drug store downtown; the bartender didn’t know, but I did, so I offered the information. She explained that she was from out of town and was here because her boyfriend was in the hospital (Mayo Clinic). I asked her where she was from; turns out they live in Erie, PA, my hometown…so of course we struck up more of a conversation. I scooted over to talk to her and we both ordered some wine…she fairly gulped down her wine and suddenly got sad and said, *“My boyfriend is really mad at me. He knows I’m here.” *
“Oh, why would he be mad?”
“I’m an alcoholic. I shouldn’t be here (gulps down third glass of wine)”
“Well, maybe you should have some water next, right?”
*“Yeah. I should. I tried to kill myself last month. They put me on all kinds of meds. Should I stop taking them?”
*
“Well, I’m not your doctor, maybe you should listen to them.”
“Can you take me to the drug store?”
“Um…yes. Yes, I can do that, drink some more water first.”
She drinks the water and we start walking toward the escalator and she grabs my hand and she says, “You’re so nice. My boyfriend’s gonna die, isn’t he? Can I move in with you?”
“Uh…well, I…that’s nice of you to say…I don’t know anything about what’s going on with your boyfriend, and we probably won’t be moving in together anytime soon I think.”
“You’re so nice. I have irritable bowel syndrome. That’s why I need the drug store. I need to get an enema. How many girls that you’ve just met would ever tell you they have IBS? Is that weird?”
(Why yes it is) “You are just a very open person I guess.”
“You’re so nice. But you have an arterial [sic] motive!”
“I do?”
*“Yes, because I have THESE.” (cups breasts in her hands and pushes them together)
*
“…”
Now in the store:
*“Go stand over there. You can be with me when I buy the enema, but you can’t be there when I apply it.”
*
“Uh…OK…”
“Where are we? I’m hungry.”
“Well, let’s get some coffee in you and I’ll buy you a pretzel, OK?”
“OK. You’re so nice.”
At Barnes & Noble, after coffee:
“I need to go to the bathroom, where is it?”
“Downstairs and toward the back.”
“OK, don’t go 'way.”
She comes back about ten minutes later:
“I called my boyfriend, he’s coming now and he sounded mad, but then he said he’s gonna take me to dinner. You wanna join us?”
“That’s probably not a good idea…”
She was henceforth known as IBS Girl.
Then there was this episode, same bar where I met IBS Girl: this was actually before the IBS Girl incident, I was having some beers and before long the bar filled up. A guy sat next to me, ordered some kind of mixed drink, and after a while made some comments about the Middle East (CNN was on the big screen showing video of the latest suicide bomb attack or something like that). I, feeling sociable, decided to engage him in conversation.
MISTAKE #1: NEVER TALK TO PEOPLE ABOUT POLITICS OR RELIGION WHEN THEY ARE DRINKING.
He started off saying that the Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is “a very smart man”. Now, apart from some of Ahmadinejad’s more idiotic statements (the Holocaust is a myth, Germany and Austria ought to donate land to ‘relocate’ Israel, etc.) and the high liklihood of Iran’s support of terrorism, I agreed that he seemd articulate and brought up the “open letter to America” that he posted a little while ago. I said that while I could agree with some of the statements (of COURSE we all want peace, of COURSE we all want justice) that he completely loses credibility when he declares that “It is possible to lead the world towards the aspired perfection by adhering to unity, monotheism, morality and spirituality and drawing upon the teachings of the Divine Prophets.
Then, the American people, who are God-fearing and followers of Divine religions, will overcome every difficulty.” At this, the guy (let’s call him Nutsack) says, “well, it’s true, we’re all following the same God, blah blah blah…” I pointed out that Muslims claim that they are descended from Abraham by way of Hagar the slave as opposed to Sarah, his wife, and that the child of that union, Ishmael, was the ancestor of Muhammed and an equally legitimate ‘son of promise’ with Isaac…OK, all that is blah blah blah but then he seemed AMAZED, because HE was the son of a preacher and NO ONE had ever told him anything like that. “Still”, Nutsack insisted, “the basics are still the same, right? So the Iranian prez’ proposal is valid, right?”
“No”, I told him, “because not everyone believes in the Abrahamic god. Hell, not everyone believes in a god at all, and in fact I used to be a born-again Christian but now I’m an atheist. A secular government is the best way to ensure freedom of religious belief.”
MISTAKE #2: NEVER REVEAL THAT YOU ARE AN ATHEIST TO A DRUNK PERSON WHO BELIEVES IN GOD.
Now, Nutsack is actually part-owner and main sales rep for a company that deals in some kind of genetics research, so keep that in mind as you read…
Nutsack was taken aback by my admission of Atheism.
“Now”, he began, “what is impossible is what you say, that everything is random. It’s just not possible. It must be miraculous.”
Me: “I never said everything was random. In fact, there’s evidence that the universe is, to a certain extent, self-ordering. You have forces like gravity and electromagne-”
Nutsack (interrupting): “That doesn’t prove that everything isn’t random.”
Me:…
Me: “OK, the point I was trying to make is that evolution is-”
Nutsack (interrupting again): “STUPID. It’s STUPID. There’s no way that everything is from the same mass of matter.”
Me: “Stupid? No way, it’s BRILLIANT. It’s one of the most attacked and reviled theories in scientific history and has only gotten stronger as time goes on…”
Nutsack: “There’s NO WAY that everything is from the same mass of matter.”
Me: “I’m not sure what that means, but if you’re talking about ultimate origins of the universe -”
Nutsack (interrupting): “BINGO. You’re saying that evolution accounts for everything but it CAN’T because there’s NO WAY that everything is from the same mass of matter. Humans are DIFFERENT. We’re not animals.”
Me: “Well, theories about the origin of the universe or even the ultimate beginnings of life are not exactly the same as evolution, but you’re wrong about humans not being animals anyway.”
Nutsack: “There is NO WAY that humans are animals. Humans have SOULS. No animal can experience compassion and depression and only humans can because it’s NOT RANDOM.”
Me: “No animal can experience compassion? You ever watch nature shows? When a mother chimp loses a baby, she mourns and may even starve herself and waste away. Dogs and cats certainly care for their young-”
Nutsack (interrupting): “That’s just their INSTINCT.”
Me: “So when a human does the same thing, it’s compassion because humans have souls, but when animals do it it’s because they have no free will and are just following instinct…?”
Nutsack: “BINGO. Humans are the only animals that commit suicide.”
Me: “Well, whales beach themselves, and although I’m not totally sure I think there have been documented cases of primates killing themselves and there are-”
Nutsack (interrupting): “That’s their INSTINCT.”
Me:…
Nutsack: “I don’t believe in evolution. It’s ADAPTATION.”
Me: “If by adaptation you mean mutation and then selective forces acting on them, then yes, that’s evolution.”
Nutsack: “NO IT’S ADAPTATION. THERE’S NO WAY THAT WE’RE ALL FROM THE SAME MASS OF MATTER.”
Me: “Evolution IS adaptation.”
Nutsack: “NO, IT’S ADAPTATION.”
Me: “Let me try something; we humans have artificially selected for several different breeds of dogs, right? So we have a tremendous variety of shapes and sizes and colors and all that, right?”
Nutsack: “HELL YEAH!”
Me: “Now, would you agree that it’s reasonable to say that dogs are descended from wolves?”
Nutsack: “ABSOLUTELY!”
Me: “OK, so roughly 10,000 years ago, according to the evidence we’ve found-”
Nutsack (interrupting): “NO. NOT 10,000 YEARS. NO WAY ARE WE FROM THE SAME MASS OF MATTER.”
Me: “Whatever. At some point wolves and man started to develop a mutually beneficial relationship and some wolves became domesticated and-”
Nutsack (interrupting and almost standing up in excitement): “NO! NOBODY CAN DOMESTICATE A WOLF!!”
Me: “You just said a moment ago that dogs are absolutely descended from wolves…”
Nutsack: “NOBODY CAN DOMESTICATE A WOLF IT’S NOT POSSIBLE.”
Me: “Are dogs domesticated? Isn’t that what makes them dogs and not wolves?”
Nutsack: “ABSOLUTELY!”
Me: “If dogs are descended from wolves, and dogs are domesticated, and the domestication is what makes them dogs, then at some point a group of wolves must have been domesticated.”
Nutsack:…
Nutsack: “AHHH!! YOU!! YOU MADE A POINT BUT IT STILL DOESN’T PROVE THAT EVERYTHING ISN’T RANDOM. IT’S ADAPTATION.”
Me: “I gotta go.”
There was more, but this will give you the idea…
I actually have a pretty good idea of why she did it. I was talking to her the other day, and she was complaining about how she can’t get her 19 year old son to do a damn thing around the house, all he does is play computer games. I guess she flipped out and finally decided to do something about it. She’s always been a little on the wacky side…
Anyway, here’s the aftermath. She just left it sitting in the street:
I read that thinking I would love to befriend a weird attractive girl. An attractive girl would have to be weird to befrend me.
But then again I DID, two years ago. And posted a lot here about it.
Ahah!
She knew it had alienware in it! 
Oh my god, it’s an Alienware box. I can’t imagine the amount of $$ she just smashed…
If I were that son I’d never do a damn thing for my mother ever again.
I saw Alienware and thought expensive revenge. The unit could have been old and worth little before the mauling. It looks like the guy recovered the hard drives.
Never mess with a demented woman. I know somebody that married one and life was hell, until she was gone. She only became more dangerous as the years went on.
As detailed here - a weirdly unkempt and crazy-looking guy walked into my workplace the other day to ask if we were the source of the annoying morse code sounds he kept hearing (in his head, I think).
This has a vague ring of familiarity. Did you post about this before?
She left the hammer out on the street as well. That’s the mark of a quality nutcase.
Ooh… me too - I’m sure seen that rambling as a debate response.
Jesus-I am a mom and I do wish my son would not spend so much time on the computer (which he built)–but my god! :eek: That’s beyond nutcase to malicious vandalism–I hope he presses charges.
I meet nutcases almost every day. I’m a nurse. But I met my most recent one in the library. She was conviinced that someone else had checked out her books, and if that wasn’t enough-she knew who the person was (that was using her card) and that the FBI was on their tail. She was being used in a plot against the government. (sadly, I think this lady has schizophrenia), but man, she was persistent!
Yep, I did; just thought that Nutsack belonged in the Nutcase dept. as well. At first I thought, ah, he was just drunk, but when he started ranting about how NO ONE CAN DOMESTICATE A WOLF with that wild look in his eye…wow.
I’m a public defender. If a day goes by that I don’t run across a total nutjob, I consider it a victory.