A mutual friend introduced me to a woman by e-mail. We’ve e-mailed a couple of times and spoke by phone for the first time last night. It went relatively well and we said we’d talk again and possibly get together next weekend.
I made clear in one of my first e-mails that I’m completely non-religious, and she replied, “I was raised Episcopalian, and observed Judaism for ten years w my ex-husband, and am probably more Buddhist than anything else. I don’t know who I say my prayers to, but my prayers are non-denominational, and I believe he or she that listens, probably governs us all.”
Okay, well I went ahead despite that. But in our phone conversation she mentioned that she’s taken her 14-year-old cat off a medication the vet prescribed and is giving her a puree of dandelions, and that she’s much better now. My BS detector started tingling when she mentioned how dandelions remove “toxins.”
But the real issue came in an e-mail I got this morning, in which she asks for my birth date, time, and location. If she’s seriously into astrology, I don’t see how I can even be friends with her, much less consider anything more serious.
So what should I do?
Tell her that astrology is bullshit and to get lost?
Politely say I can’t be friends with someone who believes in astrology?
Explain that there’s no factual basis for astrology and try to get her to see the error of her ways?
Avoid the question, get to know her (while keeping my views on astrology, etc. to myself), and see if she’s worth being friends (or more) with, despite her strange beliefs?
Give her my birth date, agree with everything she says about astrology, and do whatever else is necessary to get her into bed?
My first inclination was some combination of 1 and 2. But when I recalled how long it’s been since I’ve been with a woman (no, I won’t tell you, it’s too embarrassing. But it’s longer than you think.), option 5 started looking better.
#2 but gently, lest you set her off:
“I don’t think we’re a good mesh. We’re just too different to make it work”
Don’t get specific about how you don’t cotton to her beliefs unless you want a barage of angry emails
or you could be a real jerk and go with #5, then #2
I think you should try Option #3. Sure, it won’t work and will be nothing but frustration for everyone involved, but I’m morally certain it’ll offer up great fodder for future relationship posts.
Seriously, while #4 might be worth a try, under the assumption that somewhere in their belief system everyone has some kind of flaketastical notion, but it sounds like she’s already rubbing you raw from just a few vague references to eclectic spirituality/superstition/bizarre and arbitrary beliefs, so I don’t imagine that’ll get better. Of course, you might want to first ask why she wants this information; maybe she’s actually planning a big birthday bash for you and wants to invite everyone born at the same place as part of a This Is Your Life theme.
#5 is guaranteed to backfire somehow. Karma is a bad thing to mess with. (See, I told you everyone has a flaky belief somewhere; even me!) And the fact that you list it at your last and presumably least favored option indicates that you aren’t really comfortable with deceiving her just to get sex. On the other hand, if you both agree not to talk about astrology and just want to do the whole free love thing, who is to criticize?
Tell her that it’s a lot of personal information she’s asking and ask why she’s asking for it. She could be doing a scam on you or doing a background check to see if you’re a serial killer.
But if you’re right, and she says that she needs it to do an astrology chart to see if she should meet you, then you can politely say that you don’t hang out with people who make their decisions based on the alignment of the stars.
If you do 5 and she consults her chart, she might say that it says not to have sex with you. Then you would have spent time for nothing.
The truth wins out because it’s generally more convenient.
If the astrology thing bothers you as much as it seems it does in the OP, then go with #2. If not, then proceed with caution and try #4. Really, there is no wrong way (other than 5 I guess), so trust your instincts Luke!
Or, in the immortal words of my friend Rob, you could slip her the sausage
I’d go with #4, because it sounds like she is looking at different ideas and philosophies, rather than being dogmatically attached to a single one. You might really like each other, and it sounds like she’d be likely to try out your own view of the universe for a while if you are together. I tried on a lot of religious ideas in my twenties before realizing none fit because I’m just a plain old atheist.
Dude, you are missing an awesome James Randi opportunity here. Since you’re totally okay with getting shed of her anyway, go ahead and give her the info she wants. None of it true, of course. Then when she magically discovers that you two are soul mates, explain that you gave her your dog’s info or whatever and see how she feels about astrology then.
Best (and smartest) girlfriend I ever had was into some astrology and wicca stuff. She knew I didn’t believe in any of that in the least. After a year and a half or so we broke up over other issues (how we viewed our family relationships), but the astrology stuff really wasn’t an issue, and even led to some interesting conversations and running jokes between us.
Give it a go - she might be a good gal, and it’s just one little strike. Humor her and give her the info she asks for, but be honest about your feelings about that stuff (but not in a judgemental way). Unless you’ve got some other cutie on the hook that you’d be passing up to continue with astrology girl, what’s the harm in at least giving it a few dates to see if you’ve got some chemistry?
There’s a line from Larry’s Evil Conscience from the movie ‘Animal House’ that comes to mind.
Sure, nobody listens to me anyway, but why don’t you see if you can meet her in a neutral and safe location to see if there’s any chemistry first before nuking her from orbit via easily saved and forwardable email? If there’s no chemistry, it will rapidly become apparent she’ll agree to ending it quickly & quietly, no harm and no foul.
And if there’s something to her that just makes you smile and think of what it would be like to be her pillow, comforter and foot-warmer on those cold nights during every winter eve in the century to come, you’ll deal with it.
Or you’ll kiss the shit out of her everytime she brings it up (and smile doing it).
I say 4 because odds are decent that she might not really believe in it.
My brother is very bright and claims to “believe” in it. I don’t think he really does, though, despite knowing a hell of a lot more about it than most people do. Astrology is kind of a fun thing to talk about (and can lead to some flirting - “Oh, you’re a Sagittarius? you know, Aries and Sagittarius make passionate couples. Two fire signs really can heat things up!”) even if you don’t really believe things are written in the stars. And in my case learning about it and palmistry provided sufficient material to annoy my dad when I was angry at him at age 17.
And even if she does believe in it, it’s not like she’s a Yankees fan or into clown porn, right?
