What should I do in this slightly odd situation?

Hello all! I didn’t want to post this to the IMHO spot since I may just be rambling about things no one really wants to listen to! haha

What a positive way to start out a post… haha ANYWAY:

My husband and I have been married for 2 years, and we’ve been together about 5 years. With in the first two years that we were together we broke up twice. Once for about 5 days, and once for around two months.

The second time we broke up I started dating a guy that I’d gone to high school with. He was (and still is) a Marine. Anyway, he was in town for the first week we “dated”. We went out every single night, he bought me flowers, he took me to movies, and he was a very sweet guy!!!

Then he had to go back to base. We talked on the phone every night for the next week. Then he got shipped out to the Mediterranean Sea. We wrote letters and cards to each other.

THEN my ex (who’s now my husband) called me up and told me what a mistake he had made by ending our relationship. He was right. We got back together, and have honestly been happy campers since. (Well, I won’t say ALL the time, who is a happy camper every minute of the day?!?!?) haha.

Anyway, I had to send the Marine a letter saying that I’d gotten back together with my old boyfriend and that I was breaking up with him…

Queue the sad music


Anyway, the Marine never did anything wrong, was always very nice and we have e-mailed from time to time since then. We’ve just kept a friendly relationship and never have had any problems with it.

My husband is a tad jealous that I still talk to the Marine, but I think that’s kind of normal in the situation. He certainly would never say “I DON’T WANT YOU COMMUNICATING WITH THAT GUY!” And that is good! I’m thinking if I were in the opposite situation, I’d be a tad jealous, but I wouldn’t really mind that he was still on friendly terms with his ex.

Anyway, now this Marine has been sent to the Middle East. I spoke with his mother yesterday (just bumped into her in town) and she filled me in on what has been going on with him, and jotted down the address to mail him at. The PHYSICAL address, not the e-mail address.

I haven’t written him a letter since we broke up. We’ve just e-mailed from time to time.

I keep thinking that I should send him a little “care package” with just some munchies in it, and a little card.

Is that weird?!?!

Oh, I should say that he’s also married now to a girl he met in North Carolina. I don’t know her at all, but I did get an invitation to their wedding.

Anyway, I guess I’m just wondering what you guys think? Should I just continue to e-mail every once in a while? Is it nice or weird or inappropriate to send a little mail to him? He IS overseas protecting our country!

I don’t know. What do you guys think? I’d be happy to answer any questions.

Oh, and I just want to stress that my relationship with my husband is great. In no way shape or form am I trying to “rekindle” anything with the Marine. That’s kind of why I’m asking. I don’t want to do something that I perceive as just a nice thing to do and have him or his wife or my husband think I’m trying to strike something up.

Does this make sense to ANYONE?!?! haha

Yes, it makes perfect sense. Last week, I ran into the last boyfriend I had before I got married (he was roofing the house across the street from me). We had a nice long chat (an hour or so), and it was really nice to catch up with him. The only connection there was as one person to another.

I’d say get a blank card and write a little note, saying that you’re glad to hear that he’s doing well (supposing he is), congratulate him on his marriage (or something appropriate), and thank him for the job he’s doing as a Marine. Fond memories come in handy where he is, no matter who the memories are of.

(And as far as I know, some servicemen/women are not allowed to use e-mail right now, so that may be why you have his “real” address.)

Good luck!!

You have passed with the Marine out of the state of being his “ex-girlfriend” and into the state of being his “friend.” So your question boils down to, “Is it all right for me to send a care package to my friend?” Leaving aside all aspects of the geopolitical situation and the “support our troops” arguments, yes, it is perfectly appropriate for one friend to send another friend a care package.

Absolutely okay. Include some cough syrup and toilet paper in the care package you send to him (cough syrup because they’re saving medical supplies for the wounded, and toilet paper because it’s a valuable trade item).

It seems like you guys are thinking along the same lines that I think on.

A friend of mine told me that she thought it was weird. But she and her husband seem kind of over-jealous about things, IMO.

Maybe you could explain the situation to your husband and have the care package be from both of you. That would probably make your husband feel better about it and it would then be clear to the Marine and his wife that your intentions are platonic.

Thanks, Ethilrist. I almost asked in my last post for suggestions on what to send.

If anyone else would like to give me fresh ideas on what to send that would be great!

His mom said he likes peanut butter cups, but I don’t really know what else to send!

Make sure you check and see what items are allowed and not allowed. I read in our local paper that items containing alcohol of any kind (like some cough syrups) are not allowed, nor are “girly” magazines or scissors, knives, etc.

Some recommended items were magazines, disposable cameras, non-perishable junk food and snacks, and hand-held battery operated games.

FTR, I would let your husband know you are doing this, and if it could be from both of you, even better.

If you’re going to send the cups, do it soon. When it gets warmer, they’ll be drippy.

I’m planning on sending a couple guys I know a care package of Oreos (don’t melt), sunscreen, chapstick, and babywipes (front liners can’t shower)

I like the cough syrup and buttpaper ideas, too.

Of course you should send him something! I’m sure he’d be thrilled to know an old friend has him in their thoughts. We took up a collection here at work, and these were the items suggested to us by HR/Red Cross. Maybe they’ll give you some ideas.

belladona’s list is excellent. By all means, send him a package. We have a nephew in the Persian Gulf who has asked for protein bars, non-chocolate candy & cigarettes (he doesn’t use them but can trade them). We also clip articles from the local paper. He hasn’t had email for a while. Before the war started, a package got to him in 2 weeks, but it’s quite a bit longer now.

I say send him a package. However, I also say to communicate the situation with your husband and make sure both names are on it.

The previous romantic nature of your friendship to this gentleman can certainly lead to some awkward situations in the future…mostly for your husband and his wife.

By keeping the relationship as professional as possible (involving your husband), you could develop a lifelong friendship between couples.

Save the wrapped hard candies for last to pack, and stuff them into all the empty spaces as filler to keep things from jiggling around. Kinda like edible styrofoam peanuts…