About a month ago I met a guy at work, we talked, we laughed, and he told me that he is in a relationship but he isn’t happy. We started out as just friends and then it grew into something more. We can’t stand to be apart when we are at work, we have expressed our feelings for each other and how we think we are meant to be. Problem, he feels guilty about his GF, he doesn’t want to hurt her so he is having a hard time getting out of the relationship.
Don’t get me wrong, I have never gotten involved with someone who was already involved, but I am just crazy about him. I don’t know what to do or think anymore.
Don’t do it. (Well, anymore than you already have unless you can avoid it)
I know the guy is the bee’s knees, but he’s some taken bee’s knees. Until he’s ‘untaken’ he’s not yours. Not a bit. If he’s not unhappy enough to get out, then he’s in a relationship. He should either work to fix it or ditch it.
Don’t enable him to avoid the corner he’s in. He’s going to have to do something that is uncomfortable somewhere along the line. You are live action escapism.
Girl, I’ve been there. For 7 long years. I gave up any other possible relationships for a man that told me he was going to leave his wife for me. If he’d been married when I got together with him, I WOULDN’T have gotten together with him. But by the time he married her (after a big fight he & I had gotten into), I’d fallen for his lines hook, line and sinker. It was smooth. First it started “Let’s be friends” then “I love you, I can’t bear to be without you.” And I waited. And waited. And gave him my EVERYTHING. Until finally I couldn’t take it anymore, told him “Make your choice” and left. Funny thing is, after I left, I started thinking. Love him, yes. Trust him, never again. If he did this to her, he can do it to me. And when he DID leave her and ask me to marry him, I turned him down.
Take it from my experience, he’s got to show you what YOU mean to him first. If he’s really unhappy with her, then he’ll get out and try with you. It’s hard, I know… I was a failure at it! But otherwise, it can (and most likely will) be excuse after excuse and it will be a drastic turn before anything changes.
Love is blind. Sometimes it takes someone else to help you see.
steps back off soapbox, letting the next person take their turn
I totally appreciate everyone’s imput. I know, you are waiting for me to say, “but he’s different”, and I can think that all I want even though I know what I should do.
As for how would I feel if I were her, I have thought about that a million times and I wouldn’t. I have told him this and we haven’t made any promises to each other because he wants to leave the relationship with a “clear conscience”, since he was unhappy to begin with. I have ran through the gamut of questions and concerns with him, but of course he tells me it will all work out in the end. Blah Blah Blah
Thank you for your support, I really appreciate it.
Sounds to me like this is a case of a man wanting his cake and eating it too (if anyone makes this obscene I will be back with soap for their mouth). Alot of us women have been where you are and can say the best thing for you is to back off. This guy needs to make a decision. This is not a case of forcing him to choose you cause he might not, but rather you need to be nice to yourself.
Well…I’ve been in the girlfriend’s situation, and believe me…it’s crazy how painful that is. However, the other girl was my best friend, so that was an added element that you’re lucky enough not to have. However, I realized my relationship with my boyfriend was already crumbling, and a breakup was inevitable with or without that other girl. If he was already having problems with her when ya’ll met, then I don’t think either one of you should feel guilty. My advice would be to hang in the background until he has decided. If he chooses you, there should be no regrets…after all, if he and her were “meant to be” - they wouldn’t have any problems “being”!
I didn’t read any other posts, so I don’t know what I may or may not be repeating…
My advice: Don’t push it!
I’ve been there–kind of. I was (comparitively to your situation) the girl the guy was already in a relationship with. It sucks to be left by a guy for another girl. If he really is unhappy, and he does want to leave her, it should be on his own terms, and for his own reasons. Don’t be the catalyst.
If he wanted just you, he would have cooled it with the other girl. If you date him (dating at work sucks, what are you going to do when you have big issues with him?) what’s to keep him from dating another girl when seeing you too?
Men that young have relationship patterns & his is sure to repeat itself. Have fun!
As of last night I told him that I am removing myself from the equation and won’t be expecting any contact from him whatsoever until he resolves his issues. It is hard but if I can make it through the death of my father last year, I can certainly make it through this.
And by the way, there was never any sexual contact.
Congratulations! I know how hard of a decision it was… and it’s even harder to stick to! But I have faith in you that you can, and WILL do it. And if you need a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to, someone who HAS been there, my e-mail is always open.