So, I’ve never been so good with the come-ons. I am friendly and cordial and often quite amusing, and if a conversation happens to strike-up, usually because of being introduced to someone by a friend, I can certainly hold my own. However, getting the conversation started in an unusual situation is not my forte.
I was just out front of my office building having a cigarette. A lovely young lady was walking by and stopped not far from me, digging through her purse, obviously looking for a lighter to light her own smoke. She had no luck and started walking towards me. Of course, I was at the ready and had the lighter out and fired up before she even asked.
We chatted for a few seconds, she mentioning how she always loses her lighters. I helpfully suggested that she could get a lighter on a string that she could hang around her neck a la latch-key kids, or run it through her jacket like how kids have mittens on strings. She thought that was reasonably amusing and laughed. Then, we were out of stuff to talk about.
I know that someone better at chatting up ladies would have said something that kept the conversation going, eventually leading to the “can I have your digits” question. Me - the guy not so good at figuring out how to get from “get a lighter like kids’ mittens” to “can I have your number” - I let her just smile ever-so-sweetly, say thank you, wish me a good day, and move on into the giant world, never to be seen again.
What should I have said to her that kept her behind a little longer, eventually leading up to me getting digit-ized?
Phone number very bad at first chance meeting in the smoking pit. Chat her up again during your smoking break. After a couple of those, maybe ask if she’d like to meet after work.
Not that I’m any better at making and keeping up small talk, but when that awkward silence started to stretch out I probably would have motioned with my cigarette to her cigarette and said something about how they’re bad for her.
That gives her the opportunity to respond (it relaxes me, I’m trying to quit, I don’t care I hate my life, etc) which could lead to further conversation, or her to chuckling politely and moving on anyway which would be a pretty clear indicator that she’s not especially interested.
Ah, but she was just a passer-by, you see. It was my only opportunity and I suspect I’ll never see her again. I grant that there’s not much chance in getting her number, but the chances are better if you ask than if you don’t. That said, I’m pretty sure you don’t offer her a light and then say, “want to meet after work” or “can I call you”. There had to be some conversation in between, and a guy who’s good at chatting-up strange women would have known what to do. I just wonder what that guy would have done.
“I’m MorkfromOrk, by the way,” [ extend hand to shake ] "Do you work in the building? I’m in [general description of work, maybe name of company, floor, etc.]. "
Casual work banter is generally safe and then you just seem friendly. Don’t bother with getting her digits (especially if you actually use the word “digits”). You could end with “Well, see you at the next smoke break.”
Just so that nobody actually think that I’m some kind of loser (at least, not for this reason), I’ve never actually used the word “digits” when asking for a number. I’m just not nearly that much of a tool.
As others suggested, definitely introduce yourself, ask her if she works in the area, tell her where you work, what you do, etc. If it goes well and there seems to be a vibe, suggest lunch or a cup of coffee sometime, and give her your business card. Lunch is much less date-like and therefore lower pressure, and by giving her your card, she doesn’t have to worry about you being a creepy stalker guy.
Since she was a passer-by, and you say you’re likely to never see her again, if she does happen by again, it’s possible she’s interested. Or she’s just using you for your lighter.
Anyway, people love to talk about themselves, so if she comes by, try directing the conversation towards her work/hobbies/likes/jugs, (skip that last one) and I’ll bet she’ll respond.
Well that’s the last time I listen to Peg. I tried it on another girl just a few minutes ago. The second I said that I’m “MorkFromOrk”, she bolted. Maybe I should have used my real name?
I kid. Love ya Peg. Should have done exactly what you said. Will do better next time.