Mrs. Rhymer won’t be home till Sunday, and I’m bored, so I figure I’ll hop into my Burroughs-Libby continua scooter and go raiding various fictional universes for assorted goodies. I’m thinking I’ll grab the One Ring right before it falls into the lava*, Mjolnir from right after Thor collapses from the Midgard Serpent’s venom, and a couple of light sabres right after their owners bite it at the end of Episode 3.
But I figure all that will take four, five hours, max. Can I pick up anything for the rest of y’all?
A couple of rules. I’m not going anywhere near Narnia, because frankly I do not wan tot get on Aslan’s bad side, what with him being omnipotent and all. No Green Lantern power rings, because I figure the Guardians will send a task force after me and frankly I don’t need that kind of heat. Actually, now that I think on it, no Cosmic Cubes or Infinity Guantlets or anything else that can make the bearer omnipotent, because, frankly, there’s no way I can be trusted with stuff like that. And I’m not bringing backk any more continua devices, or Tardises; if you want one you can et your own. In fact, let’s say that whatever you ask for must fit into the duffel bag I stole from David Banner last trip.
Place your requests now.
*Don’t worry about me messing up the history of Middle-earth. I figure removing the Ring from its home universe is the same as destroying it outright, as far as Sauron is concerned.
How am I supposed to fit the HoG into a duffel bag?
:: shrugging ::
Well, okay. I mean, I was gonna hop over to Earth-Analog 340596235-q (we’re analog 340596235-p), as there was no television writer’s strike there, and as a result Pushing Daises had proper time to build an audience, and thus went on for three whole seasons before being cancelled in 2010; I had you down for the complete box set. But since you’re all about HHGttG, I’ll grab you Ford Prefect’s Electronic Thumb or something.
I would like a half-dozen Shipstones and as many Douglas-Martin Solar Converter Screens as you can fit in your bag. They’re both available in the same universe, so it shouldn’t be too much trouble.
You appear to be … confused … as to the meaning of the term duffel bag. They’re not big enough for that stuff. They’ll hold like 4 changes of clothes, plus shoes and maybe some beer. True, I have infinite storage space in the continua-buggy’s tesserac-space trunk, but I have to park the buggy, get the souvenir, and carry it back.
Shipstones come in all sizes, get a couple of packs of AAs - or if you’re feeling adventurous, just grab the specs/formula. As for the screens, partial pieces are fine. I only need enough for chemical analysis. In return, how would you like to be the Emperor of Australia? I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to afford it.
Clearly I’m not bringing anybody back anything that could work to my disadvantage. Just because I’m not trying to conquer the earth anymore doesn’t mean I’m a moron.
How come I have to give up conquering the Earth (financially), just because you gave up conquering the Earth through more direct means. Jeez, man, you offered, I asked. Australia not enough? Make me an offer…
And you’ll solve global warming, dependence on foreign oil, and the balance of trade all in one shot. Dude, you’ll be a HERO!
Well if we can’t have a Green lantern ring can i have a Lens? If Mentor asks tell him i totally have intelligence, utter incorruptibility, a high drive to succeed, and the highest drive to fight evil and i am perfectly willing to change my surname to Kinnison.
Sure, why not? The Lesnmen aren’t hip to the multiverse, so they won’t be coming after me if I get away with one in the first place.
I’m not sure how I’ll carry it, though. Does the “worthy” thing mean that only a worthy person can USE a Lens, or does it apply to touching to? (Somebody page Qadgop or What Exit)
Sorry, no. Gotta be bred to the bone, to get a lens. Go discuss it with Mentor personally. If you return from that interview, you’re well-meaning but too flawed. If you don’t return at all, well then…
This wasn’t directed at me, of course, but I am not going anywhere near Mentor either. Any Lens I acquire will be stolen from a Lensman’s corpse after someone else kills him.
A few magnetic monopoles, maybe a Slaver stasis box, and a few yards of room-temperature superconductor.
Or, a small package of cavourite.
And if anyone has the ending to Edmund Drood, I would appreciate it, or a copy of Cardenio.
Maybe a shot glass from the Hindenberg’s fiftieth anniversary trans-Atlantic flight.
That makes it a much harder decision. I don’t think being the ruler of all I survey would be worth the celibacy. On the other hand I remember Juggernaut with woman so maybe there is a way around. I don’t think it’s worth the risk. I’ll take hoverboard from Back to the Future II.
Silly man. You’re going to the wrong planet! Hop on over to Earth-Analog 340596235-x…there, Pushing Daisies went on for seven seasons, won Emmys every single year, and finally shut down production when Ned Pace’s movie career took off and Kristen Chenoweth won so many Tonys she had to buy a house on the beach to store them all.
But, if that’s not on your way, get me the schematics so I can have some nerdy Doper build me a food replicator.
Aw, I was going to ask for a stasis generator! I guess I can settle for the Soft Weapon, though. Which, come to think of it, has a stasis generator built in.
