I was watching that fucking awful Candid Camera show on the PAX network cuz I had nothing better to do when this ad comes on with this old guy playing a fucking trombone. He looks like he’s heaving his stomach contents into the damn thing from the expression on his face. Or maybe he’s been taking some Colonblow. Either way, it’s really damn disgusting. Makes me sick looking at that damn guy. I had to briefly turn away to stop myself from having a damn seizure. And it turns out that the ad is for: dentures. I was asked if my dentures could do this. Then I was shown a chilling demonstration comparing SEA-BOND brand denture shit to FREAKY-ASS PINK SHIT brand denture shit. The basic implication of the thing was that if you don’t buy SEA-BOND, freaky-ass pink shit will spew out of your gums upon removal of dentures.
Now why the hell would they make that ad? Who gives a shit? If I wore dentures that ad would scare the shit out of me. The choice is between using FREAKY-ASS PINK SHIT brand and having freaky-ass pink shit spewing from my gums, or using SEA-BOND brand and ejecting my colon while playing the fucking trombone. What the hell kind of choice is that?
The main thing that bothers me about it is that he obviously isn’t really playing the trombone (yes, I play the trombone myself). He puffs his cheeks and seems to think all the notes he needs are somewhere between first and third position. And he somehow glisses from a high pitch to a lower one by pulling the slide in. Or maybe it’s vice-versa. Either way, it’s not possible.
I don’t play the trombone, but can tell he’s not really playing it either. What bothers me about any of those commercials is the part where the product is applied to a mug and then pressed and lifted with a finger. This is supposed to be a demonstration of strength, unfortunately the mug is plastic. I recognized the mugs, as I had a set just like that in my first apartment. While my reasons for purchasing the mugs had to do with a small budget, I guess I’m not the only one who thought the mugs looked like actual ceramic.
I haven’t seen that one but the one I really hate is where the gross, bony old man shakes the bottle of Viagra at his wife/ladyfriend waiting for him in bed. Then after (I assume?!?!) he goes out to the garage and shakes a bottle of motor oil at his old car giving it the exact same disgusting lecher leer as he gave his wife when he was all horned up. I know the point is that the oil will “rejuvenate” the car but they could’ve done it in about a dozen less disgusting ways. They almost imply he’s getting ready to screw his car or something. BLECH!