What the hell is wrong with this picture???

Okay there is this girl Jill, she was my best friend.

And I kinda got a crush on her, and asked her out or whatever. She said she didn’t want to talk about it.
And then she wouldn’t return my phone calls or anything.
So eventually I go down to the bar where she worked, and she says that we are no longer friends and she wants me to leave.

Well that was a couple months ago. She had moved out of town, but now she is back and being buddy-buddy with all of my friends, and trying to be my friend again.

Maybe I’m, being to hard on her but, I’m really kinda mad that she was so immature about the whole thing.
I’m not mad that she wouldn’t go out with me, I’m just disapointed that she could be like that.

And I won’t lie I really miss her company, and I’m afraid that if we were friends again, I might fall for her again.

Help me out on this one fellow dopers.

–LOVE QUESTION-- need help in the worst way

sorry I can’t remeber how to post up a link

I recommend that you be friends with her again. Heck, we all make mistakes and deserve to be forgiven. I also recommend that if you do develope feelings for her again, that you keep them to youself. If you do know that that she likes you back(we’re talkin’ sticking her tongue down your throat while completely sober) then by all means, proceed with the relationship. I give this recommendation from the girls point of view, I have been in her spot, and felt really bad about it.

You have to have a certain amount of trust in someone to be friends with them. Do you still have that kind of trust in her? If not, forget her and make new friends.

Dude, you said this girl was your best friend.

Did she feel that way? I mean, did she respect you at all?

I mean, my best friend has been my best friend for almost thirty years. I would hope that if I told him that I was in love with him, he would still be my friend, and not brush me off with “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

I hate to ask, but I have to:

How old are you?

Have you ever lived with a partner?

What’s the longest love-relationship you’ve ever had?

What kind of relationships did you have before you met Jill?

What kind of relationships since?

Seriously, I feel for you. But I cannot be properly empathetic when I don’t know your mid-set or life experience.

If it helps, I can offer my own experience:

I have lived with seven women. I loved all of them…

…at the time.

I am absolutely convinced that they loved me… at the time. But we age and change and grow. I have irregular contact with two of them, and it’s… less than comfortable. I do not wish these women well or ill, I just wish them elsewhere…

As I am sure they wish me elsewhere.
Good luck, Nicklz. You sound like a basically good kid who is over-analyzing a relationship that just isn’t there.

By the way: I absolutely believe that relationships born in bars are destined to die there.

[sub]You knew I’d kick in…[/sub]

It’s possible that when you told her that your feelings had changed from just wanting to be friends to wanting a romantic relationship,she freaked out a litle and in her panic,said/did things she now regrets.

I know when SP first said something that indicated he wanted to be more than friends, I freaked out a little. I had,deep down,wanted it too,but I still got a little spooked.

[sub]Thank god I got over it[/sub]

Like I’ve said before,nicklz,relax. Things happen for a reason and even though you may not see the reason right now…

And my email is always open for you if you need to talk.

Well, who, in his or her right mind, can respond to that?

Here’s your link, Nicklz

Me? I’m staying out of it!:slight_smile:

[list][list][list][list][list][list][list][list]GETTING YOUR TONSILS TICKLED[LIST][LIST]:cool:

Nicklz, this is coming from a guy who’s been there. I was friends with a girl for about 10 years. I loved her deeply the whole time. For most of that time, she knew of my feelings (when I told her, she reacted a lot like Jill… cried and cried, and didn’t want to see me for a while), as well as my willingness to keep the relationship platonic as she wished.

The good part is that I was a close friend of hers for that amount of time, and got to see her mature and realize all the potential I had seen in her from the start.

The bad part is that the whole thing was torture to me. Not only that, but eventually I realized how horrible the whole relationship was to my emotional state, and I ended it about two years ago. In ending it, I pretty much scarred her. I doubt her pain was as great as mine was, but it really hurt her.

So, my advice is this: If you know, without a doubt, that being friends again will not resurrect any of those romantic feelings, then by all means, give it a shot.

If you’re not sure, or not entirely over her, then all I recommend doing is approaching her one last time, just to clear the air and get some closure. Don’t try to kick start the friendship again unless she’s willing to move beyond it into something romantic. Either way, good luck. And if you ask me, despite how great you think this girl is, she’s not worth your time.

I was friends with a girl for ten years. We started out in a relationship, but we broke up, got back together, and broke up again. Then she got married and had a couplel of kids. We stayed friends and stayed in touch. After she divorced and had just gotten out of another abusive relationship, we were at her place. “One thing led to another, and…” We didn’t start up the relationship again. We were just friends. She got a new boyfriend and I told her that it was good that she found someone. Then one day I called her up and was told that her SO didn’t think that women should have male friends. She was sorry, but she’d been through so much in her life that she wanted a “nice, traditional Italian family” so she was saying goodbye to all of her male friends. This didn’t make sense to me and hurt quite a bit.

But I like to make people happy. If I could make her happy by never seeing her again, then so be it. If she ever decides to contact me, I shan’t mention the incident. I’m still her friend.