Above link might give you more insight.
The deal with this whole thing is I’ve been stuck on this girl forever (who is also my bestfriend). For a long time I always saw her as my friend. Well lately I kinda re-evaluated what my requirments are for a girlfriend are. Simply meaning I wanted a fullfilling realationship or merely something more than just sex. Basically I want to be in love again, something I realized was missing from my life. I found out a little while ago that Jill liked me for more than just a friend, now while I have also liked Jill in the same way. It had never been out in the open, plus I had the whole delima of whether or not to risk the friendship.
Well I’ve decided to go for it, and after thinking off what tactics I should use to break the ice. I decided it would be best to melt the ice away meaning slowly bring it to her attention. So what I’ve been doing the last couple times we’ve been hanging out is talk about how I wanted to be in another relationship, and procedded to further explain my wants. So I think I’ve planted the seed in her mind. For example I say “i’d really like another realtionship, not some fling that will end in a month or two” pauses “you know a real girl friend” she responds by saying “yeah I’d really like a boyfriend, this being single sucks” I was thing okay that was at least a little positive, so i left it there for that night.
But then tonight she blows me away about telling me some guy gave her his number like two weeks ago, then told me she never called him back, then says he came into the bar where she works and asked her for her number, which she gave to him. Then she proceeds to tell me that she will go out with him whenever he calls. At that very moment I realized I was a love sick puppy.
Now my question to you is, If she does know I like her why is she telling me about this other guy? Kinda to tell me to step back, or to urge me forward?
Now normal I’d think to step back, but I guess we both have liked each other for awhile, and down deep I guess we have just been to chicken to say anything about it. So I’m kinda thinking she might be trying to bring competion in, to make me, make the first moves.
I really need some female advice. Guys I’m sorry but I learned along time ago to let the girls you know always give you advice on your lovelife. but your still welcome to post something as long as it doesn’t say something to the effect of “get her drunk that always works”
Okay, so you know she likes you more than just friends? She is trying to push you forward. Take the hint. Go forward. Make your move.
If you know that she likes you then what are you waiting for? Don’t let something like this slip away just because you aren’t sure. If she likes you the same way you like her, this could be the beginning of something completely wonderful.
This is a good lesson to learn early in life–never let love get away from you. Even if it isn’t love yet, grab hold and don’t let go. You never know where love is going to come from so don’t let one chance pass you by.
This may be an incredibly simplistic answer, but honesty usually works. No matter what seeds you may think you’re planting in her mind, it’s always dangerous to start believeing that the other person is automatically seeing things that way.
From just what I’ve read here, you’re going to lose her if you don’t make a move. Don’t play games, and don’t try to manipulate the situation to your advantage. Find a nice quiet place, sit down with her, and spill your heart out honestly. Give her a single red rose. Then cross your fingers and hope.
In my estimation[sup]*[/sup], there’s no way of knowing what message this chick is trying to send you unless you find out yourself…
By that, I mean just be honest and say something like, “Look, I really like you. You know that already, of course, but I mean I really like you, and I’d like to know if you feel about me as just a friend, or more than that. If you feel I’m more than a friend, let’s explore that… maybe we’ll both be happy that we did.”
What’s the worst that could happen? She says, “You’re just my friend.” Now you know!
What’s the best that can happen? She says, “THANK GOD! I was wondering what was taking you so long! Take me, love monkey!”
Here’s hoping for number two… or something in that direction, at least!
[sup]*[/sup]Please understand: If you take my advice, you do so at your own risk! I am known on at least three continents as an ass and and idiot.
well let me clarify, i know she liked me at one point. How I know you ask? Well, her dad told me, and then told me they (her parents) always wondered why we never started going out as boyfriend/girlfriend. My reply “i dunno” then he says, “When you started seeing that other bar tender girl it really tore her up. She didn’t come out of her room for a week” So yeah she did like me but I don’t know if she still does. and thats been a good time back because he told me that before I decide I wanted a “real girlfriend” Now she doesn’t talk to her parents much, as little as possible, so for all I know she does just see me as a friend and that is my greatest fear and the reason I haven’t brought myself to ask her. And hay I’m a guy so I have no preception of the little hints women throw out.
One more Question, If she does now just see me as a friend, what will this really do to the relationship? If anyone actually has experience one this side of the coin I’d like to hear it?
Okay I'll say something, I don't know what, but I'll do it. it's 6:30am right now (haven't been to sleep yet, and won't) Her and I are suppose to go car shopping (i totalled my car...ouch) in the morning and go summer shopping. Then I have to be at work at 3pm so I will check in and give you details.
I'd still like to here past experiences or anymore words of advice, suggestion, etc...
Yes, I certainly HAVE been in your shoes! I fell in love (I thought) with a friend many years ago, and I told her. But I HAD NO indications that she felt me anything other than a friend… she didn’t. I tried HARD (in hindsight, probably TOO hard) to change her mind, and failed.
It eventually ruined our friendship, and we lost touch with each other… that is the risk you run!
But if you don’t try, you’ll spend the rest of your life not knowing! And it sounds to me that you have sufficient grounds to give it a shot…
As I said, take my advice with a LARGE grain of salt. But it seems to me that you have a reason to suspect that she feels the same way about you! Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
Been there, done that. It didn’t work out, but we are still friends. She is trying to urge you forward by telling you about the other guy, I think. By presenting a “rival,” she’s trying to see if you like her enough to fight for her. If you don’t fight for her, then she will think you DON’T like her and go to the other guy.
I hope it works out for you, buddy. Keep me posted, and I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.
Hint #1 - “yeah I’d really like a boyfriend”
No translation necessary
Hint #2 - “But then tonight she blows me away about telling me some guy gave her his number like two weeks ago, then told me she never called him back, then says he came into the bar where she works and asked her for her number, which she gave to him”
Translation - Don’t you see that I am waiting for you? Other guys are interested, WTF?"
Hint # 3 - “she proceeds to tell me that she will go out with him whenever he calls”.
Translation - If you don’t hurry up and ask me out, I am going to go out woth the first guy who asks, that will show you!"
Go for it. I’ve been her, liking a male friend but talking with him about the possibility of my starting up with a new prospect just to see if that would tip his hand.
You could say something like “I’ve been thinking a lot about that guy who’s got your number. If you really want to go out with him, I’ll wish you all the best. But what I’d really rather have you do is tear up his phone number and go out with me instead. On a real date.”
Despite my gloomy previous post, now that I’ve had some time to read this and the previous thread and think about it, I’m with Lyllyan here. Based on the information you’ve given us (and with the caveat that we’ve only that to go on), I would recommend telling her how you feel – and Cranky’s suggested wording, or some variant thereon, would be a good place to start.
Assuming that the signals have been read correctly and you decide to go “on a real date”, I would recommend taking it slowly to explore the emotional aspects of the new relationship before leaping into bed together. At least until the second date, anyway.
That depends on the relationship. It may do nothing, it may make you uncomfortable. But you’d regret never saying something far more than finding out the answer. I’ve seen it go both ways. The girl I spilled to wasn’t interested, that was that, and here it is 11 years later and we’re still friends.
So now that you’ve decided you’re going to tell her at about 5:30am central time, and here it is 8:30pm central time… I’m hoping the reason you haven’t checked in is that the two of you are out together right now.
Sorry I’m late.
Well I’m finally checking in at about 15 till 12. I’ll just start at the beginning. She comes over and she is kinda over dressed for the occasion to go shop for cars, and the mall. So I was kinda thinkin she was expecting something and the fact she had gone all out getting ready. She was really happy, hyper, excited just in a really good mood. Good sign seeing that she can be really moody sometimes. Well anyway the opportunity never had the chance to occur while walkin through the mall and stuff, seeing that she is a big time shopper (i thought i was her buggy for half an hour). Anyway she spends an ungodly amount of money. Then oh sh!t, it’s 10 till 3 (3 is when i was supposed to be at work) Well I tell her I really didn’t want to go to work anyway so I go in for 2 hours till the next guy was supposed to come in then I let him juggle all the work for my shift and his (we do that alot)
So anyways she comes back and picks me up at work around 5 or so. We plan on going back to watch movies at her place, also her suggestion ?!?!? Well as much as I’d like to say it happened, well it didn’t. I don’t know what happened but somewhere between blockbuster and her place she turned into a tornado of mood swings, Maybe it was just the wrong time of the month to bring this up to her I thought. Anyway she wasn’t mad at me, I asked??? She said she wasn’t and if she was just telling me that, I have no clue to why she would have been mad at me. Lets see I bought the movies bought lunch (we also ate at feista bravo) even put ten bucks in her car. So I don’t know what I did wrong well anyways, after the movie we went to the tanning bed for are normally scheduled tanning apointments. Then afterwards I told her I was tired and sleepy (I did stay up all last night, you know)
So on the way home I DJ’ed the CD’s playing of coarse her favorites so she would start singing (that always cheers her up) then she made a request for some R&B stuff which I knew the words but not even the artist. So I kinda sang along too, when I looked over to her and she was just kinda giving me a big warm smile, then she had to watch the road again and she looked away, then quickly she changed the subject too the movie we had watched earlier. Almost like after the little smile she was afraid or something??? Whats that supposed to mean? Then having some positive statisfaction for the night I followed suit with the conversation, plus i was kinda confused to what had just happened.
