What the Sanford affair means

My hippy chick acquaintance at work was giving me shit over the Governor Sanford’s affair. I suppose she thought that was fair play based on the fact that I’ve been giving her shit about Edwards and Clinton for years and years.

I said it was completely different because Sanford wasn’t a hypocrite. The affair was out in the open and he was hiding it from no one. “Sure he was. He told everybody he was out walking the Appalachian trail while he was with that woman in Brazil,” she replied.

I rolled my eyes. "You’re so naive. “Walking the Appalachian trail is a well known euphemishm for having an affair. Where do you think the term “stepping out” came from? It’s just a shortened version. Everybody knows that when a guy says he’s “walking the appalachian trail,” that means he’s having an affair.”

For a few seconds she didn’t know what to say to that. Maintaining my deadpan attitude , I walked past her cubicle where she sat startled and frozen, made it into my office and shut the door.

Though we’ve been working together for ten years, she still couldn’t handle it. There is no defense from my famous strategy of saying something so stupid that it renders my opponent speechless. Taking the lack of immediate response as a concession of victory, I exit. No defense.

Of course, she would recover, and I would have to come out of my office at some point. There was that downside.
(I can sense the moderators getting impatient. “Isn’t this supposed to be a debate Scylla? Where’s the debate?” I’m getting there, so just hang on.)
When I come out for lunch I’m informed that there is no such euphemism. Damn you google.

“Well, it’s still completely different,” I say. “Trying to compare Sanford to Clinton or Edwards is patently ridiculous. Your inability to recognize this is just another sign of your rabid partisanship which has left you blind to the obvious. If it weren’t so, you would see how this incident simply proves the superiority of Republicans over Democrats.”

I was hoping this would stun her enough that I would be able to leave for lunch, but apparently this wasn’t stupid enough to render her speechless (note to self: Use more stupid.)

“Oh, really, how exactly does it do that?”

The thought was still only partially formed in mind, but I was convinced I was right. Sometimes when you are not really sure what you want to say, it’s just best to let the mouth go on its own.

"It was totally different because Clinton was the most powerful man in the world and Lewinsky was a totally undesirable woman. He could have done much better than that. Same with Edwards. That Rielle chick was a total skeez. She was so awful that Jay Mcinerney wrote a book about what an easy slut she was. Now she is just an old easy slut. Democrats used to have pride. When Kennedy cheated it was with Marilyn Monroe, the most desirable woman in the world. Nowadays they cheat with pathetic loser interns too stupid to know better, or with used up sleazy old cokeheads.

Sanford though was having an affair with an incredibly hot Brazillian woman. It makes all the difference in the world. Standards, see?"

She was having none of it. “That’s ridiculous. Cheating is cheating. It doesn’t matter who you are cheating wit. It’s still cheating.”

At that moment though, I knew I was right, and I delivered the coup de grace. "You would think so. Your argument makes sense, logically. Unfortunately, it just doesn’t stand up to reality. For example: If my wife had an affair with me, and I reported that she had left me for a fat broke 300 pound unemployed welder with a hare lip, I would be the laughing stock of the town. I would be ashamed to show my face. Everyone would snicker behind my back if not straight to my face.

If, on the other hand, Brad Pitt swept into town and stole my wife from me, this would win me, sympathy. After all, how could I compete with Brad Pitt? Better still, it might even win me admiration for having a wife desirable enough to be stolen by Brad Pitt.

Similarly, had Clinton cheated on Hillary with say… Elle McPherson Hillary probably would not have been so angry. Even us Republicans would have to concede that we could see his point. But cheating on Hillary with Monica Lewinsky is a deadly insult to Hillary. It says that she is so bad that Monica is an improvement worth breaking a sacred vow for. By extension, he is insulting himself for having married her. If you are willing to trade your house for a pig sty, it doesn’t say much about your house, or you for living in it.

Ultimately, his cheating for such a paltry plaything as Lewinsky is a statement about how little Hillary meant to him.

It’s said that everyone has a price. Their price was low. Sanford cheated with an ex-model Brazillian broadcaster. If Jack Kennedy was here, he’d give Sanford a high five."

Then I walked out victorious.

Of course, the point of this little Socratic dialogue is to demonstrate that it does matter. If one is cheating or selling oneself out, the value derives by doing so does make a difference.

If you wish to point out that I could have said that a lot more simply, than I guess you’ve entirely missed the point and should proceed immediately to another thread.

N’oh he didn’t.

Oy.

If she murders you, and this is shown at her trial, no jury in the world would convict.

Well, that’s five wasted minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

No, it wouldn’t.

BTW, María Belén Chapur is reported to be Argentinian, just so those who actually follow this thread don’t get confused by your Brazilian error.

Your entire argument might have some potential for debate, except for the fact that you succumbed to the stereotype that Brazilian mistresses must look like those scantily clad sexy girls photographed sun bathing in Rio de Janeiro.

Reality check

Check out the video.

She’s 41 years old with two kids ! I’ll bet she’s no more sexy than your very own wife. Certainly no more sexy than mine.

Ah yes, the elevated Republican standards. How do you explain the standard set by Larry Craig?

I think what should be up for debate here is not that the quality of the mistress is relevant to the affair, but that you were victorious in your exchange with your coworker.

I don’t know who you’re married to, but that chick is hot. Damn hot. On the basis of her hotness, I hereby nominate Mark Sanford for President of the United States.

I had a cat once who loved bringing me his kills. Sometimes he would bring me a fat mouse. I could see the pride in his face. And sometimes he would bring me a pencil, or a sock. His face? Same pride.
I share this story because I think it has a little relevance both to the OP and its poster.

Democrats tend not to whinge about extramarital affairs as much as Republicans so just as a rule Democrats cheating are less hypocritical. You show me one ‘values vote’ on the sanctity of marriage from Clinton or Edwards or even some rhetoric and then you might have a point.

All this affair means is another Conservative hypocrite stepped out on his wife, they’re a dime a dozen, next.

Let’s talk about values. I heard that Monica Lewinsky could suck a mattress right up your ass!

heh. Nice.

This sounds like one of those debates where we should poll Mrs Scylla for her opinon on Scylla’s point of view. Or just to get him whacked upside the head with a rolled up newspaper.

I thought the point of Sanford’s affair was that he was a POS hypocrite who called for Clinton’s impeachment over the same thing. Or am I thinking of some other Republican?

My wife is both older and hotter, although, without having heard her speak, I’ll give the Arggie points for her accent.

Is a Brazilian error shaved with Occam’s Razor?

I think she’s damn hot. I’ll be over to bang your wife shortly. :wink:

I’m afraid you’ve Appalachian Trailed the pooch on this one, big guy.

In defense of Scylla, the Appalachian trail does have mountains, rivers that run every day, and lots of bush.