Ooh. I have one. Past exes who are now murder victims. Definitely no way to make a first impression.
Vivisection is ok, so long as it’s not you who performs the kill. But keep away from mentioning that the perfect dirst date meal is road kill cooked on the engine block.
Improvised munitions? Definitely not in the ad, but you can certainly bring it up on a first date if your date starts calling for someone’s death. It’ll prove you’re listening.
Unless you’re looking for someone like me. Or Tully Mars, apparently.
Actually, that ad placed by a lady would probably result in a considerable response.
There’s nothing else about me that could possibly freak out anyone. Especially since Beware of Doug already ruled out any discussion of, um … “collections” let’s call them. In my defense, they were already dead.
Women shouldn’t mention that they’re “crazy”. What the hell does that even mean, man? They say it like it’s a positive, like she’s two wild and crazy guys, she’s just crazy and it’s all good. She likes to have fun and get crazy.
No. Crazy not good, crazy bad. Crazy is gargling with razor blades while finger painting in her own feces on the bathroom mirror. Crazy is her ass flipping out at 3 in the morning and smashing my cellphone on the middle of the interstate because she thinks I’m cheating. Crazy is a COPS episode, her head bouncing off the rear bumper of a truck while being tased by the local PD who already asked her politely to shut up. Crazy is this guy I knew once who cut out his own nuts and replaced them with steel ball bearings. And sewed himself up afterwards.
Crazy isn’t good. I don’t want to hear crazy, because it means 1) she’s a moron who doesn’t really know what crazy is and I’ll have to indulge her lame self-image as a late-20s party animal i.e. she’s crrrrrazy, or 2) she’s used to men who will put up with her going apeshit at a moment’s notice, and behavior that would get anyone else clocked in the jaw will have to be tolerated.
Maybe it’s just South Florida and all the latinas but “crazy” is in like half the ads for this place.
I think I have a new personal hero.
You shouldn’t go on endlessly about your insecurities, your fetishes, or how you realized your sexuality.
You should, however, mention if you have big objections to certain things, like movies, as I sit here wondering how the hell Pretty Woman would bother anyone enough to consider it a problem. Though if one more guy mentions Fight Club or the Kill Bill movies in their profiles, I’m going to start swatting them with my shoes as if they were roaches.
Notice I said “mention.” I read a guy’s profile which mainly consisted of how he hated fat chicks, how none of them should write to him, how they shouldn’t be out in public, etc. And then he wrote to me! Then again, I suppose we all need our daily dose of irony.
If you know that the woman you’re dating works in a scientific field and is not particularly religious, on a first date it’s inadvisable to immediately launch into a sermon about how “science doesn’t have all the answers”. That’s a road you don’t want to start traveling down with this girl. Trust me.
Furthermore, if you say that evolution is “just a theory” and start expounding on this subject with arguments that fall back on Puddle of Water logic, beware. Puddle of Water logic is to this woman what anger-inducing situations is to Dr. David Banner. Do not say stuff like “what are the odds that our planet would have all the substances that we need to survive…there must be a God” if you want to get a second date. Don’t say it if you want to have a pleasant first date. Don’t say if you want to keep your self-esteem intact. Because this woman will rip you up and sprinkle your ass all over the restaurant like confetti in a ticker tape parade.
I would never, ever, ever mention in an ad that I write poetry. NEVER. It’s just… it’s just not good.
So, if you do, NEVER SPEAK OF IT. Trust me.
IME there is no sex like crazy sex. Still not worth the crazy, but DAMN!
Not exactly on-topic, but related:
Please do not post photos with someone who is obviously your ex strategically cropped out of the photo or, worse, permanent-markered out. I don’t care if you think that’s your best picture, get another one taken, it’s not that hard. I simply cannot believe how many people do this.
Please don’t tell me you like to have fun. No shit. Everybody likes to have fun. It’s not “fun” if you don’t like it. Same for “likes to have a good time.” Please define “fun” and “good time” in these contexts, otherwise it’s a completely meaningless statement.
Talk about your Mommy and it’s buhbye.
Heh. There’s one like this on our local W4M section of Craig’s List pretty regularly.
Don’t mention that you’ve cultivated a truly spectacular unibrow.
Don’t describe your herpes outbreaks as “infrequent” like it’s a good thing.
I’ve never heard of Puddle of Water logic; is that some variant of, or counter to, the anthropic principal?
Definitely don’t mention any ex boyfriends or girlfriends or both. Don’t mention any of your medical problems, especially the mental ones, and especially the ones you make up. The mention of clinical depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, borderline personality, aspergers, adult add, restless leg syndrome, or the disease where you think radiation is causing a blood clot in your neck and you’ve named the clot “king clot” and drawn pictures of him wearing a crown. None of these things go over well.
Basically, don’t be a nerd.
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Nice topic. Fun stuff.
However, let’s move this over to MPSIMS.
IMHO>MPSIMS
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Actually, I would appreciate it if the ladies would mention their daddy issues, rejection of rationality in favor of faith, herpes, expectations of perfection in a mate, biological clock ticking, etc… right in the ad. It would save me the horror of finding these things out in person.
It’s an illustration of that principle conjured by Douglas Adams:
All this gets me thinking that maybe the on-line dating sites would be doing a public service to have a page or two of Philosophy and Irrationality Questions. Sort out the bullshit and the odd behavioral issues so that they don’t try to match people who have clashing ideals and philosophies.