I was just thinking about this. What if you land the perfect job, everything is right. After a few weeks your boss starts to hit on you in a decidedly unprofessional way…You know he/she has the power to hire and fire and they are clearly abusing that power when hitting on you. What do you do? Ask them to stop politely? Send them a nastygram perhaps? Take the abuse whilst humblying shirking their advances? Quit?
What if you love the job? What do you do?
You go to HR. Sexual harassment is not dismissed anymore, if companies want to avoid a lawsuit. (ivylass, who had to sit through a whole seminar on how to handle the situation if it ever came up.)
Yep, that’s a pretty simple answer. Go to HR.
Not always an option. I am HR. I’m also IT… and sales… and support… And while I’ve never been hit on (thankfully) I would probably figure out some other way to get around it that would have to involve subliminal, under-the-radar messages. Easy to say, but I don’t know. I’d rather get fired over it than quit over it, in other words.
Document. Document. document.
And become familiar with your employee handbook or similiar.
It doesn’t sound a dream job if this is going on.
Oh, yes, this is very important! Great advice.
I have had it happen in the past (with a gay boss) and I just took it as humor or flattery. It was pretty extreme stuff too like whispering in my ear “I would loovvve to take you in the back and succckkk your cock right now”. My response was to laugh and I would still do that today I am sure. I am not a big fan of official channels.
If it was female, I will have to be honest and say it depends on how attractive she is. If she is really attractive, I am sure that I could find a way to play along with her games and keep us both happy at the same time. If she was unattractive or I didn’t like her, I think the cognitive dissonance would be too much.
That covers the sexual harrassment part. If it came down to sexual extortion like losing my job, then we would see a different game.
Yes, definitely document it. Document it and make it clear–not nasty, but clear–that you’re not interested. And document that. If you have an SO, mention them a few times, in his earshot and within earshot of others.
This will probably have to go to HR eventually, and you’ll need to be able to tell them not just what s/he did, but that you discouraged it. Your boss is likely to pretend (or perhaps honestly believe) that you were interested, and you need to prove that’s not true.
This kind of person is often a repeat offender. It may be that HR is vaguely aware of the situation–or has a hunch–but can’t do anything until someone complains. And until someone complains, it will continue to happen to you, and perhaps to others.
Well like some have already said, there isn’t always an HR department to go to.
Like Shagnasty said, some can play it off. But there are others who can easily become a victim. What do you do then?
I think we’re missing one significant option here. Though I’d want to know what the boss looked like, first.
Corrvin
(who wouldn’t actually do that)
See the OP left out a very important piece of info - is she hot?
D&R
What if she was?
What if he was?
If she were hot, I’d be thrilled.
If *he * were hot, I’d be, like, “Dude, get away from me!”
One important thing about sexual advances is the word unwanted. If the victim is too shy to say “Stop” or “Go away,” the agressor can claim he didn’t know she wasn’t interested. If possible, say so in front of a witness. If you can’t go to HR, you may have to go to court, where witnesses mean a lot.
Find another job and sue the hell out of them.
Some states will allow you to quit and be eligible for unemployment in that type of situation.
I second the DOCUMENT mandate here.
Is there a boss of the offending boss? If so, go to him/her. If not, try a peer. Either way, present the documentation to someone, anyone so you are not alone in this.
Would I leave my dream job due to verbal sexual harassment? No. Innuendo I can handle, but if someone laid a hand on me, they’d likely not get it back.
My experiences:
I worked for a company with zero HR and this actually happened to me (guy wrote songs and journals about me and emailed me (!) his dreams of moving to Europe with me :rolleyes: ) I printed up one of the emails and showed it to one of his co-workers and they had a chat about “inappropriate” behavior. He kinda left me alone but I did get my share of dejected puppy-dog glances. This experience was the only one that really creeped me out to the point I had to do something about it. There were another few occasions where co-workers hit on me, clients hit on me, bosses hit on me, but I pretty much just rolled with it and laughed it off.
First, I’d like to know what you are considering to be sexual harrassment. People, having differing mores, etc., will have differing interpretations on the subject. I know some people (both men and women) that would be very offended by what some other people (again both men and women) would not. Your boss might not be aware he’s being offensive. On the other hand, he may be compulsive or he may be a cad.
Anyway, to answer your questions, I would get a wireless microphone and/or CCTV camera (they’re very inexpensive) and record these events (FYI - legalities vary state to state, assuming you’re in the USA) over as long a period of time as you’re comfortable. Then, you have a choice - go to HR and have your boss removed or go to your boss and tell him that you like your job, and you like working for him/her - except for the sexual harrassment (or what you consider to be sexual harrassment - some people just aren’t very sensitive that way). Explain clearly what it is you consider to be uncomfortable and ask your boss to end that behavior. Last, you could chat up other employees in the company, see if the problem is rampant and then you’ll have the makings of a class action lawsuit.
When you’re secretly videotaping your supervisor, you’re secretly videotaping your employer and therefore wading into dangerous waters. Before going that far, consult an attorney who specializes in sexual harassment litigation and have him/her outline the best course of action re: documentation, talking to the harasser, contacting HR, escalation, etc. The standard advice is to keep a detailed journal, but that’s hardly bulletproof. Again, the attorney. I’ve seen many SH incidents over the years. It’s usually a lose-lose proposition.
As a young Gay man in NYC a million years ago, I had a job with a company owned by three insane brothers (I have mentioned them in threads). They were all “old” (probably aged 50 back then, but I was 23). One of them was a closet case…married with three kids, but he made no secret to me what he wanted to do and was constantly grabbing my ass or asking me to come early to work or stay late.
No fool I…I played it up and got raise after raise after raise, and he never got a raise, so to speak, and never got past an occasional grope when I was not paying attention and didn’t dodge fast enough.
Granted, this was long before the days of legal repercussions. He knew I wasn’t interested, but he also knew he could play out his verbal fantasies with me and I wouldn’t blow his cover (or anything else for that matter.) To be honest, even if I had been able to sue for harassment back then, I wouldn’t have done it…I was a cocktease and he was getting off on it, I am sure, at home alone…and I had a cushy, well-paid job that I did very well - so as far as I was concerned, nice bucks for quick ducks.
Check first to see if there is a written policy. If not:
When you confront the person who is harassing you, be sure to do it in writing and keep a copy.
Keep the letter straight forward, firm and to the point. Do not call the other person nasty names or use aggressive terminology. Objectively describe the behavior, conversations and actions which you consider harassment. Indicate that these behaviors must stop immediately and that if there are any further problems with these behaviors, a follow up complaint will be filed with her or his superior(s).
Be professional about it. Don’t gossip about it around the office. (But I would swear a colleague to secrecy and give her or him a copy.)
Don’t hesitate to follow through.
IANAL, but this worked for me.