This explains a lot.
Whatever you do, dont burn them, we found four or five boxes of porno magazines in the attic of a friend of mine, we started to use them to prepare the fire for an “asado” (BBQ), but some of my friends started to jokingly impersonate Torquemada and got carried away with the whole “burn the evil filth!” mood and we ended up burning part of a tool shed in my friend’s backyard…
Memories memories…
Maybe you should just stick to burning rings, Frodo… 
I Suck at that too, in the end just couldnt do it, oh that precious porn… err ring.
Stick the box on a catapult and hurl it into Mordor.
There is something about the Dark Traci Lord here, but it just ain’t happening for me.
I could swear the last time I went trying to sell porn on eBay, it was specifically prohibited. My how times change.
One does not simply wank into Mordor…
<golf clap>