What to do?

In My Humble Opinion
1

History: It was a beautiful day in 1967…
ok, kidding. :stuck_out_tongue:

Married my husband in 1992 and 1993, civil and church respectively. Had kids in 1995 and 2001. He worked full time, me part time. He paid majority of bills. Bought house in 1994. He was grouchy from the start of the relationship (1988) so yeah you could fault me for marrying him in the first place…

After 15 years of grouchiness, depression, non-communication, no interest in ANYTHING marriage related if you know what I mean…I did find myself in a precarious situation and did meet someone who wanted to help me out of it, if you know what I mean…and I did take him up on that offer. However, husband either never knew or turned blind eye. Eventually, I did leave him, 4 years ago. I felt bad/guilty for doing it, but not really to a big degree, and especially not to him, since he refused me.

After I left, he refused to pay the mortgage, therefore allowing himself to lose the house over 2 years later. (!! lucky! if you ask me!) He did get laid off about 2 years after I moved out. He did receive a severance. He also took his 401K out, and did receive money from his father. That all amounted to a LOT of money, but it’s gone now. When asked where it went, he stated, I thought I was going to die so I just spent it all.

One year ago, a short time after losing the house, he was staying in a hotel but hated it, plus it was expensive. He asked if he could stay with me here and there, and that became a year…he’s not a horrible roommate, BUT, I dont want to be with him, want to find someone else, he is still grouchy sometimes, and doesn’t show a good example to his kids, because he has never gotten another job and doesnt seem to try that hard. He lays on my couch all day. I want him out. But I’ve been afraid to tell him because where will he go? But I have told him, recently. Now he is acting all well behaved and helpful…I told him I’m moving out and not taking him with me. But still the question is, where will he go? Can I live with the fact he may have to live on the street?

I still feel bad, but really do want to move on with MY life.

2

I would find a message board I’ve never been to and register and ask what to do from a group of total strangers… if you know what I mean.

3

Sure, why not?? Different opinions make the world go 'round and are educational.

4

Sounds like you’re more worried than he is about where he’ll go. He’ll just take advantage of you indefinitely if you let him. If you don’t let him, I’m sure he’ll figure something else out.

5

You divorced him. He is not your responsibility anymore. Move on…

6

SO… he had money … but spent it, I’m assuming he gave none to you. You took the dirtbag in and gave him a place to eat, sleep and wash his ass. He does not have a job. and considers your couch the garden of eden! THIS IS WHY WE SHOULD NOT FEED STRAYS

7

He’s a big boy. He’ll figure it out.

8

Did I miss something? Whatever happened to the other guy? Are you living alone, not counting your EXcess baggage (if you know what I mean)?

9

I’ve known people like that. He has had at least a year to look for somewhere else to live and is not going to move until pushed. And will try to make you feel bad about it, partly by suddenly being well-behaved and helpful.

Do I take it that he is not usually well-behaved? He really has to go. However, WHERE he goes need not be your concern. Can’t he crash with a friend for a little while while looking around?

Anyway, he has to go. Throw him off a tall building or something, as that might be the only kind of subtle hint that will work. :slight_smile:

10

Yeah, but advice columnists at least have real experience doing this. We’re just a selection of bored, random people who may or may not have shitty track records in relationships depending on who you ask. I have no idea why we’re such a popular “something awful is happening in my life so I’m going to ask strangers who have no concept of my life or the intricacies of my problem” destination. :slight_smile:

Anyway, good luck with that. I’m sure he’ll find some woman to sucker with a sob story on the rebound; he’s doing a great job of pulling one on you, and you know him well enough to have divorced him!

11

Lays on the couch all day?!

That man needs to be put to work.
You walk in the living room and as you are opening the blinds you say in a LOUD cheerful voice that’s it time to get up, times a wastin’, time to get up and get at 'em.

The grass needs to be mowed, the hedge needs to be trimmed, the carpet needs shampooing, the living room needs painting and when he is done all that it’s time to clean out the closets, basement, garage and attic. Don’t forget about changing the oil and rotating the tires.
Make a lot of noise, rattle those pots and pans, crank up the stereo to something you know he hates. Maybe some brisk marching band music to get the blood flowing.

As my father used to say, they that don’t work don’t eat. If he is going to stay in your house he has to earn his keep.

Become what every man is afraid of… a nag.

That man should not have one moment of peace in your house, you need to talk at him until his ears bleed, you need to prod his ass up off the couch with a pointy stick, put him on a diet, take away his beer and hide the remote, no matter what he does it’s never enough and there is always something else to do.

You need to whip that boy into shape, make a man out of him.

That hotel will start to look real good to him, or he’ll start to look real good to some other woman. Either way he’s off your couch and out of your life.

There is an alternate method I’ve heard about, it’s one of the secrets women used to pass down through the generations, but sometimes those secrets get lost. It’s been called the loving wife syndrome, AKA killing him with kindness or loving him to death.
It’ll require some work on your part and there are no guarantees on how long it will take.
You’ll have to do all the cooking.
Start serving him all the good stuff, pasta alfredo, cream puffs, cheese cake, mashed potatoes with lots of cream and butter, fried chicken, lots of steak, macaroni and cheese. He can have a salad but only with lots of bleu cheese dressing. He can have fruit but only if it is baked in a pie, served warm with a big scoop of ice cream. He can have vegetables but only if they are served in a cream sauce or topped with cheese.
Nothing should pass through his lips unless it is fried, or full of butter, cream, cheese or sugar. Get creative, check out old time cookbooks, Paula Deen reruns, make every bite count.
Encourage him to lay on the couch, he doesn’t need to get up, you’ll bring everything to him. Poor boy, all he needs to feel better is some good food and a lot of pampering.
Like I said, there are no guarantees and this method could take years.

12

It takes a lot of energy to be a nag. A lot of women don’t have it in them because they’re expending their energy elsewhere. If the OP is already working, the last thing she’s going to want to do is nag him the minute she comes home from work. And yeah, that makes it incredibly easy for him.

Ergo, don’t bother. You don’t owe him anything. Give him a deadline to move, and if he doesn’t, you could have him arrested for trespassing.

13

Thanks you guys! That’s what I needed to hear!

14

I was going to come in here and lament today about how I still don’t quite have the courage to extract the “ex-Cess baggage” from my home, but I swear, some of the things he does…including just now.

Get this:

I told him earlier that the car that I GAVE him (98 Camry - nice little step up from his 94 Accord that always gets stolen) does not have insurance any longer, as I do not care to pay for insurance for HIS car. I didn’t say that, but it was kind of implied. He said, well, I do not have insurance either. I said, well drive carefully then…

So then he just texted me, can you get me beer since I can’t drive the car?

bahahahhaaaaaa are you kidding me??? So now I, by that theory, would have to go out and get everything for him from this point forward?? I think not!

15

On yesterdays episode of [insert name of favorite soap opera] we learned…

Stay tuned for todays heartwrenching conclusion. :rolleyes: