Johnny L.A. announced in this thread his birthday is a week and a half away. OK, Dopers we have a week and a half to pile up his gifts in this thread.
I’ll start.
A certificate good for 747 pilot training. Completion of the training involves a barrel roll over Puget Sound with the cameras rolling. Or, a fly under the Golden Gate Bridge.
Happy Birthday. Johnny.
Bah. That’s a bus driver gig. I’m gonna borrow Skald’s reality-shifter thingy, and Johnny gets to command an official Doper Flying Tigers-like squadron flying Vipers against toasters for a week, + plus debauchery in the bar and an opportunity to chat up Starbuck…
My idea, so I get to be an element leader. Callsign: Freebird
He might like a $50 gift card for Trader Joes.
Aw, shucks! :o
747 flight training is much too expensive. I’d settle for a helicopter. It doesn’t have to be new or anything. Just an R22 or a 300CB or a 269A with time remaining. That would be lovely. 
Just because I know how Dopers are: Seriously, don’t buy me anything. Unless you really do want to get me a helicopter. Or a Cessna Skyhawk. 
Thanks for thinking of me!
Hmmph…maybe I should have suggested a $5000 TJ’s gift card instead? 
Oh, I know something even better…a new Timex watch!
A chopper? When you could have a fighter? If you don’t like sci-fi fighters, we could go simulate dogfights in F-15s…
Flying a helicopter is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.
So when I could afford to fly I’d rent a helicopter, take off all of my clothes, and it was the most fun I’ve had!
You blaspheme against the Sky Gods. Guess you get a pass on it though, it being your birthday and all.
Make ya a deal. We’ll rent one of these and schedule some live fire training. You can drive, and I’ll work the weapons.
And we’ll need a tape of Ride of the ValkyriesYeah, I know, those were not Apache Gunships, but Apaches are just way cooler than Hueys.
Make a wish and blow up the candles.
A helicopter!
Come down here and I’ll buy you a hamburger at Garden State.
I’ll get you some chowdah if you’re in the area.
A big fat salmon.
I understand he’s in need of a watch.
Unless you end up with me as a passenger. Last year I flew from Vegas down into the Grand Canyon and came back with FOUR full barf bags.
A custom title! You can have your custom title say “I miss L.A. so much I keep it in my username.”
See, that’s why you take the doors off. 
Nah, I just kept it to confuse people.
I do miss being allowed to split lanes on the motorcycle, spicy food, and really good and cheap Asian food.
Unfortunately, after reviewing the budget, a chopper ride ain’t gonna happen. But here’s a link to Wings out of Shadow. If you can stomach a bit of sci-fi, I think ya might enjoy it. A neat little short story.
I think I still have some (out of date) “Certificate of Attendance” forms for successful completion of various (Large Aircraft Manufacturer) flight simulator training courses…
Note to self: never fly with Floaty Gimpy.
Addendum: Never walk under Johnny L.A.'s flight path.
