What type of cookie disappears first from your bag of Cookie Parade?

There are patterns to be seen in the gradual depletion of a mixed bag of cookies, and, like a chiromancer, I can read them.

First, let’s look at the cookies in question:

Little chocolate chip cookies: the mainstay of any mixed bag. I see them as that understated yet deep older sister of the family. The kind that quietly keeps the family in harmony behind-the-scenes by resolving conflicts and soothing tensions.

Frosted speckle animal cookies: That adolescent girl of the family who hasn’t quite learned to properly apply make-up yet. Still girlish enough to enjoy wearing pink and white frosting, but now she’s taken to accesorizing with garish multi-colored sprinkles as a way of asserting her independence. (Sigh). We can only hope it’s just a phase she’ll outgrow.

Chocolate cream sandwich cookies: The cocky big-brother who knows he’s popular. There’s a lot of gossip about whether he is actually their brother, what with that dark complexion and all.

Vanilla sugar cookies: The quiet one. Probably bookish or maybe artistic. Some view him as plain and lacking personality, but I suspect hidden depths.

Left to my own devices, the chocolate sandwich cookies are dispatched in short order (there’s never many of them to begin with) followed by the chocolate chip, then the vanilla, leaving only the frosted animal cookies. I’m not actually all that fond of the sickly sweet frosted animals, so they’ll sit alone in their rolled-up bag for days waiting for me to get sugar mania, at which point I’ll wolf them down in one sitting with a big cup of coffee and then feel sort of icky all morning.

Now, when Creepy Girl is PMSing the frosted animals are just gone. I’m already pretty mindful of her cycle, but when I come home to a ravaged bag of Cookie Parade I know that “Beyonde this point be Dragones”. Otherwise she’s a vanilla cookie chick, and the only person in the world who eats those tiny little cookies in two bites.

With the kids I baby-sit I’ve seen a definite pattern. Chocolate sandwich, frosted animal, chocolate chip, vanilla. I was looking for a logical reason for this, and then it struck me. Sugar! These kids instinctively went for the highest sugar content like they were some kind of hummingbirds or something. Little sucrose magnets.

I’ve yet to meet anyone who just dips into the bag at random and eats whatever cookie serendipity decides for them. I think humans like to think they are in control of their fate like that.

Mr. Rilch claims he does that, but it’s reeeeeal interesting how, if he’s been at them first, I’m left with nothing but vanillas and pink and brown crumbs. I know he takes the frosted animals first, in tandem with the chocolate cookies, then the chocolate chips. The vanillas do not exist for him. (Although I will allow that since the frosted animals tend to be conjoined, if you get one, you get another or two along for the ride. But still.)

So I separate each category into sandwich bags. Despite what Mr. Rilch claims, this is not hoarding. I’m not keeping all of what I like for myself, but I want to know what we still have, so I can get a shot at the animals and sandwiches before they’re all gone.

If it were all me, I would go in this order: vanillas, then CCs, then alternating animals and sandwiches. I save the best for last, darn it! How can anyone not do that? Who wants to be left with vanillas after the glory of sandwiches and animals has faded?