Finally, I can rest in comfort, knowing that they have finally perfected The Artificial Sphincter.
Hopefully, they make extra large sizes for those who are determined to fit their head up there. 
Hmm…if it’s removable, you really could go felch yourself.
Figure out a way to tie this one to the Prehensile Rectum pit thread, win a priiiiiiiize.
<voices in Elly’s head>
ProfessorWhoShallRemainNameless: Whatcha got in your bag, there, Elenfair?
Me: A new gadget sir.
PWHRN: What does it do?
Me: Well, if I shove it down your throat, maybe it’ll prevent you from spewing out shit when you talk, because the sphincter you currently have, which by all anatomically-correct accounts should have been closely involved with your rectum has been misplaced and resides around your vocal chords.
</voices in Elly’s head>
(I feel better now. Move along, nothing to see here.)