What would an office staffed solely by Dopers be like?

In My Humble Opinion
81

Nah, the wimpy ones are even worse, because they’re not only obnoxious, they’re lame.

82

[ul][li]The watercooler would have a PC next to it to look things up.[/li][li]Anyone driving an SUV to work would have to justify it on a daily basis.[/li][li]Daily mediation required in IT; If the active domain is down, with the Windows users. If DNS resolution is down, the Linux users. If skinny bereted iPod listeners are sobbing in their mochachinos, the Mac users. :D[/li][li]Certain meetings aren’t considered decided until doper XXXX has weighed in.[/li][li]Intercom to finally page doper XXXX for real.[/li][li]At least one person a day told to go see a doctor. No really. Go see your doctor. Now![/li][li]Most employees smoke dope and nobody tests for it, but nobody’s allowed to talk about it either.[/li][li]Billing to clients (poor misguided souls they must be) inversely proportional to how interesting the job was, and how far off topic conversation managed to get.[/li][li]Notice board covered in photos of cats.[/li][/ul]

83

Can we bring them in to work, too? That would be awesome - working with hundreds of cats around.

84

Oh, yes, and the smell … AKA, the STENCH would be HORRIFYING!!!

85

Shit. I’d hang around R&D all day. Check out how progress is coming on improving the range of that Goat Cannon. The much rumored 1920’s Style Death Ray still being kept under tight, level 5 security. No one’s sure if it’s really in there or not, but there’s A LOT of speculation. Exiting out to the tarmac, we see they’re still working out the bugs of the treadmill as it’s not EXACTLY counteracting the acceleration of the airplane’s tires.

Mathochist is proving to the new recruits for the umpteenth time that 1.999… really does equal 2. I get bored with that, so I head downstairs to the basement level and enter the Pit. Crap, nothing but the same ol’ tired, weak ranting. I was really hoping for some fight-club style slapping around. Pfff.

I’m going back to my cube and I’m definitely bringing pie.

86

New Employee Orientation would be a sight.

We’d need an extra wing to house the goats, and an aquarium for the squid.