Yeah, and you don’t want to take on the training yourself, either. I highly doubt your roommate will be an effective dog parent. It may be time to let the landlord know there’s a chewing, shitting dog in the house and let HIM tackle the problem.
You really really really need a lease. How come you moved in without one? Is it too late to have the landlord draw one up now?
It’s one more thing that she’s “going to do” but hasn’t followed up on. I’m going to follow up on this myself, though, with the landlord- once I decide that I’m definitely not going to have to move out over this dog issue.
Does either of you have more of an “in” with the landlord than the other?
I suppose that she does, considering that I’m not on the lease yet. However, I do have proof that I’m living here, i.e. emails referring to our agreement (hers and mine) and mail with this address, and in this state, that’s pretty much as good as being on the lease.
I will admit that I am suspicious of anyone who claims ‘fibromyalgia’ as this always seems to be a precursor to that person then behaving in some anti-social, non-logical, or lazy way as Alice the Goon describes that has nothing to do with pain issues. I think this roommate is going to be a long term problem beyond just the dog. I’d bet an inability to pay bills comes next.
That said, I am not one to abandon hope and tell you to move as I realize what a colossal pain that is, and doubly so if you are a single mom with limited income. The best thing you can do is sit down with the roommate in a calm setting (i.e. without the kids running around distracting both of you) and address your concerns. If at all possible, get the landlord involved. With any luck, he/she can be the ‘bad guy’ and either require removal of the dog, issue the training ultimatum for you, or at the very least, absolve you of the damage the dog will do to the carpet, curtains, etc. since that shouldn’t have to come out of your half of the deposit.
Unfortunately, I think TruCelt hit the nail on the head. Whether you or the landlord issues the ultimatum, I think it will be met with initial inaction, followed by a wild overkill attempt to train the dog as the deadline is nearly upon her, followed by an attempt to get acknowledgment from you or the landlord that “she tried” and a request that the deadline be extended since the “dog needs more time to be trained”. Wash, rinse, repeat… What I would ask myself is, “can I live with the fact this women will likely never train her dog”. Assume that means anything of value that is yours will have to be in your area walled off from the dog, or that the roommate agrees to pay for damage the dog causes otherwise. I would also make sure she is at least o.k. with you disciplining the dog when you catch it doing bad things even if she will not. Some people get very touchy about this and think it’s somehow ‘cute’ when the dog goes counter-surfing and steals food left unattended. I’d swat a dog that did that. That way it would at least learn it should avoid me and my food when I’m eating even if it acts crazy around her.
It does seem funny how she can stay up late, go shopping, to the movies, and out to lunch, and run around town all she wants- yet she can’t work. IANAD, so I can’t say she’s faking, but… :dubious:
I would let her know I’d be vacating ASAP unless she got rid of the damn dog (which was not agreed upon after all) ASAP. Sorry.
Long-time dog owners put a lot of effort into training young, wild dogs like this, and still don’t have complete success. I had a young dog for a couple years who would bolt out the door at any opportunity and run in a straight line down the sidewalk (and across streets) as far as he could - but never when I was the one going in and out the door, as I had him somewhat trained to respect me and was careful, only when one of the four other people in the house did (argh!). Regardless I had to chase him, because he was mine and I didn’t want him to get hit. Miraculously he never was. He’s my friend’s dog now, and at the ripe age of 8 with much work from her and her family, has finally stopped doing this entirely, and usually comes when he is called. He is a Pekingese after all, they are notorious for being difficult to train.
Doesn’t sound like this women is going to put forward any effort. And even if you bust your ass with this dog, there’s no guarantee s/he is going to improve much anyway. From the sound of things, the first and most important thing is to wear this dog out with a couple hours every day of hard exercise. Even if you were willing, do you have the time and capability for that?
The good news is it’s a lab, so if you can hang in there for three years or so, it will become too lazy to run. LOL!
She got out again today- my fault for not knowing that there was one gate to the backyard that she could apparently push open and follow me out to the mailbox. Shit!
But, by now I know that if you chase her, she will run. And run. And run. So what I did was just crouch down a few feet away from her and talk to her very nicely and softly. She didn’t run, she stayed around. After a few minutes of this, she laid down in a complete submission pose, and I went over and picked her up and carried her home. So, yay me and the dog! Maybe we’re both learning!
You might even try running away from her - she’ll likely chase you. But your soft and quiet version is really better, as there’s less chance of her veering off into the street.
Is she getting any exercise at all? anybody walking her, or throwing a ball for her?
Only me. I feel so sorry for her being all energetic with no place to go, that I do go out to the backyard and throw stuff and play her favorite game, tug of war with her. I’ve decided to start walking her in the evenings as well- might as well, we both need the exercise and I need to get out of the house and that will help my frustration with the roommate. So it works out. But I will NOT train her! Or get attached to her! 
Until she trains her or you move out I have a quick suggestion. You (secretly) pick up some liver treats (and keep them hidden from dog and roommate) and when no one is around over the next week or so you train the dog to respond to the word ‘treat’. It’s probably the easiest “trick” you can teach a dog. This way, if and when the dog does get out, yelling “treat” will have her running back to you. For any one of a number of reasons I wouldn’t let on that you taught her this trick or that you have the treats, but just get her responding to the word and once she does, maybe do it once or twice a week just to make sure she remembers it. It’ll probably come in handy someday when she slips past you and heads for an intersection.
Also, make sure you keep those treats somewhere that the dog can’t access them, like on the top shelf of a closet with a closed door.
Be careful with that though. The exercise is likely to get her to stop chewing on everything in the house. If you find that you don’t have the time to take her out anymore roomie is likely to put the blame on you when she starts up again. I know, I know, it’s not your fault. But if she’s an external locus of control/ drama queen type person, it really won’t matter.
This is all after you’ve been there a week and a half? I’m sorry to say this, too, but as you mentioned, you’re still in the nice to each other honeymoon phase - it gets WORSE from here after the polite gloves come off. I have a mental picture of the kind of person who doesn’t work because of fibromyalgia but can do everything else that she wants to do and gets a dog without consulting her new housemate, and it isn’t a pretty one - she sounds like a taker and a user, and if you let her, she’ll take from you and use you.
Barring moving out and moving in with a roommate who isn’t a piece of crap, maybe you could take the dog to the pound and tell your roommate it ran away.
I know she is obviously not an ideal roommate. However, I would like to try to make this work if possible, because really, the upside of the situation is worth the downsides. It’s a very nice house, in a very nice neighborhood- I would never be able to afford something like this on my own, and, having moved here from a shitbox duplex in a shithole neighborhood, it’s worth it to me to have to deal with her. Trust me, it’s worth it to me right now to make this work. I’m feeling much more optimistic than I was earlier about the dog, since our lovefest.
You know, if I was committed to staying there, I’d probably train the dog myself, too, because sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. Go nuts - train the hell out of that dog. 
Ugh - your roommate sounds like an asshole.
I think if you really want to stay because you love the house, the only option is going to be to hijack the dog and train the shit out of it. Have your son participate as well. Basically, hijack the dog. Now, I assume you didn’t want a dog, but from the sounds of it you get to live in a great house in a great neighbourhood with one condition - you get a new dog.
Regarding the fibromyalgia deal - I’m under the impression that stress exacerbates the condition. Obviously, shopping, hanging with friends, getting your nails done, etc. is much less stressful than work. I assume she’s on disability? If so, I wouldn’t even worry about it - she probably has a whole group of former coworkers who were delighted to see the back of her.
I can just picture you training the dog to where it’s a nice, good dog to have around, and then she goes and gets another one because they’re so easy to take care of!
I feel like I’m kind of an asshole in my beliefs about fibromyalgia, because unfortunately, it’s been my experience that a very large percentage of people with whom I’ve worked clinically who’ve been diagnosed with personality disorders also have carried or claimed a concurrent diagnosis of fibromyalgia. Which conveniently flared up when they were hitting a “crisis” point in their treatment, such as having to get an independent living situation rather than a group home/institutional living situation. Most of whom could not furnish an actual medical verification of their diagnosis.
Now, I am certainly not claiming that fibromyalgia doesn’t exist. Or that people who have it are liars or faking. I have no experience with the probably many thousands or millions of people with fibromyalgia who are not concurrently diagnosed with a personality disorder. And I’m well aware that my experiences are my own, likely to lead to bias, and are not a rational consideration of the illness.
But I honestly cannot think of a person that I’ve known who states that they have a diagnosis of fibromyalgia who is also not suffering psychologically with other disorders.
Make of that what you will, Alice. But given your interactions with her so far, I personally would be leery of thinking that this could work out.
On the other hand, I have often said that I would rather sleep in a ditch than move, so I can sympathize with the allure of not having to move again so soon.
She may be faking, but next time you accuse someone of faking something , try not to mention a actual symptom of the disease. sleeping problems are very common among sufferers.
I know three people who have it who don’t have any psychological problems at all. My grandmother, who has it is actually the hardest working, person I know. She’s constantly in pain but she’d do anything for anyone, and doesn’t let it get to her.